Lay Down Your Heart
by lanelovestories
Summary: Joanie is a 22 year old "adult" who is struggling to stay afloat from a sea of depression and crippling anxiety issues. She decides to give up hope; taking a deep plunge into Mount Ebott in a suicide attempt. What she wasn't expecting was to live to tell the tale. Suicide, Alcoholism, Cutting, and Depression is mentioned. OC's are mine. Toby owns Undertale. I hope you enjoy it!
1. No Rest For The Wicked

_A/N: This story main character, Joanie, is actually me. I had an idea that I haven't really ever done which was, "I wonder how it would play out if I replaced Frisk with myself in Undertale?" and then this was born from it. The backstory, characters description, and family are accurate to my own. I'm bearing a little bit of my heart and SOUL (see what I did there?) into this story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy working on it._

 **Prologue (Alternative title for this would be No Rest for the Wicked):**

I woke up roughly and began having coughing fits. The coughing dissolved into wheezing before I felt my chest constrict as I understood the oncoming of an asthma attack; when I was a child growing up it was a regular occurrence. What I found strange was why I would be having one right now when I hadn't for years. I opened my eyes to try and find the glass of water I always kept in the room, but I saw only black, as far as my eyes could see. 'Maybe my eyes just need to adjust to the darkness.' I told myself dryly sitting for the longest time before panic set in. I felt a strange sense of vertigo, not being able to distinguish what was up and what was down as I bolted to stand, my asthma attack long forgotten as an anxiety attack reared its head.

"Chris," I screamed out my husbands' name, halfway expecting an echo in this void, when not even an echo answered me back I broke out into a sprint, "Chris! Please! Anyone?"

I felt my energy draining. It was considerably harder to breath now that I had ran all the air out of my lungs; my heart was hammering in my ears like a jackhammer. I sat my hands on my knees as I bent over, the dizziness was really setting in and the urge to vomit stayed hanging in the back of my throat, I forced myself to breath in through my mouth and out through my nose to keep whatever I had in my stomach. I felt a stinging sensation as my sweat dripped down into my eyes; wiping it away as it mixed with tears that streamed down my face.

Off in the distance I could barely see a figure. It was too hard to distinguish from the darkness, and I silently cursed to myself for my astigmatism, breaking out into another run to catch the figure before they could leave although where they would go I had no idea. Fear bounded me forward as quick as I could muster.

"Hey! Can you hear me? Please, help me!" I cried out with all of my might, a wheeze escaping my throat forcing me to slow as I closed in on the figure, "This is really making me regret all that fast food and not dieting." I remarked under my breath sarcastically.

I stopped short about five feet away; closing my eyes for a second to focus on the breathing techniques I had been taught over the years to calm the storm in my chest and the strain I was placing on my lungs. When I opened my eyes again to stride towards them I was filled with instantaneous alarm. The figure had their back to me, but I could see clear as day the figure was my mother, the resemblance was remarkable. I had always been told growing up we looked much alike which had always been a source of pride for me since she had been such a beautiful woman. Her short curled black hair was cut like I had last saw her, she was wearing the same checkered shirt I had seen her in last with what most people would call mom jeans now, her build was exactly the way I remembered her.

"M-Mom…" I was aware of the wind being knocked out of me in surprise. She was as beautiful as I remembered but something was not right, "I-Is that y-you?"

I tentatively reached out a shaking hand to touch her shoulder gently and turn her. 'No no no. This is all wrong. Something is wrong. She can't be here.' My brain seemed to cry out logic while my heart was hoping it was true and she was here. My breathing hitched when I sensed how cold she was on contact. Tears were streaming down my face now freely and I fought to choke back sobs.

"Y-You shouldn't be here Mom. Not really," She still seemed unaware I was even there. Upon closer inspection, the back of the shirt was stained with some kind of substance that looked almost like clam chowder soup had been spilt and dried on her from the mid-back leading up to her shoulder. I fought to remember where I had seen that. My whole body seemed to be rejecting me and refused to turn her around, "Y-You're not real. You c-can't be… You're dead Mom."

"You always were such a disappointment." The voice coming from my mother was cold and disjointed. My eyes widened in fear as I realized this couldn't be a dream because this voice was my mothers and she had been dead for so long now I couldn't remember it. A loud resounding cough rung out from her as her body shook beneath my hand (also the same cough I remembered. Her being a smoker those coughs along with coughing fits were a regular day to day basis ordeal); I opened my mouth and floundered at words to say that expressed what I was feeling but was interrupted as she began to speak again. This time her tone was barely above a whisper as she stated, "You know what I wanted out of life? I wanted to be with your father and I wanted to have children and be happy. I couldn't even get that. You ruined everything after you were born."

"M-Mom?" I whimpered the words out. I couldn't stop the shaking or the crying as I tried to process what my mother was saying. "Y-You can't m-mean t-that. Y-you're n-not real."

"I picked up drinking to ease the pain of having to live without him and deal with you after the divorce. You were never a good child. You were always refusing to do your homework to play those stupid video games, I had to pick up after you endlessly and clean up all your messes and worst of all, you couldn't even do what you were told!" Her voice rang out much louder now.

"T-That's not fair! I was a child! What was I supposed to do other than be a kid? It was your job to protect me and it was your job to take care of me!" I shouted it as loud as I could. I wanted to drop down and beg for forgiveness but I resisted the urge.

After she took a long moment to think about what I said she answered me, "It was your job to call the ambulance, wasn't it? But instead of doing what you were told, you stood there and watched me cling to life while your step brother did it, and watched me take my last breath that wasn't forced out by a machine. Whose fault is my death if it is not yours? If you had called like your step father had asked—"

"THAT IS NOT ON ME! I COULDN'T HELP IT! I WAS A CHILD AND I WAS SCARED AND—"

She turned to face me finally. I was screeching now, holding my hands in front of my eyes as the bright green orbs in my skull were squeezed tightly shut, in a feeble attempt to remember to breath. I opened them and felt my hands drop to my sides in clenched fists. I never got to finish my sentence. My mother was too pale in the face, her eyes which were the same shade of green were bloodshot and looked like the old cartoons I would watch as a child where their eyes would bug out of their head, and her whole appearance was unnatural. I could see her collar bones as she was far too skinny and yet with all of her skin seeming to stretch tight her belly bloated out suspiciously. The trail of the substance followed her shoulder; I could see it was dried on her face when it hit me what it was.

She had died of a massive heart attack years ago when I was eleven. I remember running into the living room of our trailer as I heard a loud banging noise, my naïve mind immediately assumed it had been a friend of mine that was supposed to be spending the night, but the reality of the situation panned out to be my mother convulsing on the floor. She had been unresponsive and was vomiting uncontrollably. The same fear that washed over me and kept me motionless all those years ago came flooding back, I could tell I was going to be sick, all the color faded from my face and I bit my tongue so hard it bled trying to keep a scream down.

I was seeing my mother again but in her last moments as she clung desperately to life on the kitchen floor that night.

"If you had called for help," Her eyes rolled in the back of her head as I watched frozen in terror, "Maybe I wouldn't have died all those years ago."

I sat up straight in the darkness, my breathing so hasty and short I was sure I was going to pass out, a cold sweat clinging to me like desperation as I fought for my eyes to adjust to the darkness in the room. With an inaudible sigh of relief as I recognized the room as one that my husband and I shared; I glanced beside me to check that he was there. He was indeed beside me, the room seemed to be filled with his quiet snoring, as his chest inched up and down softly to signal he was still in a deep sleep wrapped cozily in his favorite brown comforter with the pillow he slept with aptly thrown somewhere between our legs.

I tested the waters to see if I could stand on my shaking legs; which I found I could. Taking a few deep breaths, I forced myself to practice breathing normally to stop the panic attack, making sure to ground myself and quiet my mind in a sort of quickened meditation attempt like I had learned to do over the years. My mind decided it wasn't going to cooperate with me and seemed to be demanding that what I had experienced just now was my actual mother and how she felt. I kept forcing myself to understand it was a night terror, something that was beyond my control but something that didn't reflect properly how my mother had felt, it was my own mind playing tricks on me like they did during these night terror episodes. I repeated it over and over in my mind until I seemed to stop shaking; the lingering effects of my attack making my chest hurt from the weight that seemed to always drop onto it during these panic attacks.

My eyes had readjusted to the darkness perfectly now as I turned my gaze towards my sleeping partner. His black hair had grown out considerably in the last few months and I could tell it was ruffled from him moving so much when he slept. He always looked so peaceful when he was asleep and he always was the first to actually drop off into sleep; since I was always reluctant to do so. Chris was much taller than me and his feet just about hanging off the bed agreed with that statement, and the way he slept wasn't much different than I did myself, which made it difficult for both of us to sleep comfortable since we both loved to spread out and take as much as the foot of the bed as possible.

I apparently hadn't made too much noise during my night terror which I silently was thankful for. I hated waking him up to the sight of me thrashing or crying out; worrying him more than he needed to be already. I stepped gingerly out of the room and into the bathroom nearest our room to wash my face and assess if there was any damage I had inflicted upon myself while I was asleep. I always had a distaste for florescent lighting. I was reminded why as I flipped the switch to turn on the lights and was bathed in it. The sickly yellow glow illuminated the room, which was in serious need of an update as the wallpaper had started to peel in places along with the tiles that had sadly toppled over months ago from age, as I stared at my reflection in the mirror dully.

My long black hair was peppered with hair so light it was basically white, much to my dismay I found that I looked much older in this lighting with it in my hair, even though I had just turned twenty two this year. I had always been told (my mother included but I pushed that back before it entered my mind. Fully trying to push back the vivid nightmare I had saw) when I was younger that I was, nicely put, big-boned. As I grew older and filled outwards more than upwards I began to accept I was indeed not big-boned. I was just fat. I touched my chubby cheeks as I thought about this absentmindedly.

The bulk of my weight was in my stomach and thighs. Since I was only five feet tall, my body seemed to rectify this by placing the weight there, forcing myself not to look at myself anymore longer than I had to because I often struggled with body issues because of my size. My right knee popped in protest to me leaning over the sink as I turned it on to get some hot water running. Another silent reminder of my mother; and I winced at the memory.

She had been drunk and I could still see the porcelain angel she had thrown slamming into my knee. Thankfully, when she was drunk she had terrible aim, because she told me she was aiming for my head later on while she was still drunk before the police had been called. I, of course with the way I was as a child trying to protect my mother, lied and told them I had fallen trying to catch her from running after my step dad on the porch stairs so she didn't face any serious consequences for her actions. 'But I sure did…' I grumpily thought about my knee and the screaming it seemed to be doing under my weight from the arthritis I had developed from being broken or fractured and never healing properly or being dealt with from that night. I recalled how ballooned out it had been and a paramedic being called after my step father had broken her nose that night in anger telling me I might have serious damage. I could still hear myself tell the man that I would get my mother to take me to the doctor when she was sober, I could still see the look in the man's eyes that screamed pity, and I could still remember hating the way he looked at me with such sorrow.

After splashing my face with burning hot water I picked up the bar of soap to wash my face with and switched to cold water like I did every time I washed my face. I glanced down at the shirt I was wearing as pajamas noticing I had gotten a bit of water onto the collar as I wiped at it; not entirely caring about the feeling of how cold it was pressed against my skin. Once I had rounded the corner to my room again I shut the door as softly as I could so I wouldn't wake my grandmother in-law. She was asleep on the couch in the living room, and if she knew I was awake I wouldn't be left alone, and while I didn't think I would get back to sleep I didn't really feel up to dealing with her right now. I had been taking care of her for almost a whole year now after her husband died. He had been the embodiment of stubbornness and wrath; making Chris and I jobs taking care of them both exceedingly problematic. She's begun to show signs of dementia, between that and her eye sight progressively getting worse, I was sort of forced into a responsibility I wasn't sure I could handle in taking care of her but I try my best each day even with my own mental health issues rearing their ugly head from time to time.

Glancing over at my phone on the night stand after I had slipped back into bed, I saw I had a few emails and a Skype notification. I had picked it up with the intention of checking the time but checked Skype first just to make sure everything was okay. My two best friends, Nina and Raziel both in our group chat, had tried to message me about an hour ago.

Raziel: hey you up?

Nina: She's probably in bed boss. (I felt myself almost smiling at the affectionate term she always referred to him in. He had been our raid leader in an MMO that we all still currently played. I know I'm a nerd.)

Raziel: joanieeeeeeeeeee. hey. man why does she go to bed so early

Nina: She's got to take care of breakfast in the morning. She told us both night before she headed off though boss.

Raziel: sleep is for the weaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak.

I focused on typing out: 'Then I'm the weakest of weak. I'm up for now but trying to go back to sleep. Nina's spot on though. I gotta be up in the morning to make breakfast and do care-giver boring stuff. If I have time I'll jump on the game later tomorrow night. Love you both.' Pressing the send button. This time I remembered to set myself offline before closing out of Skype, noticing it was five in the morning, I heaved an audible sigh this time. There was no way I would be able to go back to sleep and even if I did I wouldn't have much time before I had to wake up to start the day.

Pulling up my covers to shield myself from how cold the room had gotten while I slept, I opened the app I had that people all over the world posted stories on for people to read, finding the story I had been reading from earlier that day. It was a mystery genre which I normally didn't care for too much, but the story had caught me up and I just had to 'find out who done it' as they say. Whenever I read I always seemed to lose all track of time because when I bothered to check the time again from curiosity it read out six thirty reminding me I had only two hours before I had to get up.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard the door to our room opened with a squeak. I slammed my thumb over the lock button on the side of my phone as the screen blinked dark, turning over with as little movement as I could handle, trying to be as still as possible knowing it was Nannie at the door hoping in vain if no one answered her she would go back to sleep. I could hear her softly calling for Chris who hadn't stirred once and still snored. After a minute or so of her calling out to him, he finally stirred, his snores stopping as he sat up groggily with annoyance.

"What?" He almost seemed to whine it out tiredly and I instantly felt like a jerk for not answering her myself.

"Aren't you supposed to be up for work?" I could hear the clank of her cane on the floor as she inched closer to the bed and I mentally winced. I hated that noise so feverishly the only thing I could compare it to was nails on a chalkboard.

"What," He had her repeat herself. I wasn't sure if it was because he was still sleepy or if he was trying to understand why in the world she just woke him up an hour earlier than he had to actually be up. Once she repeated herself I could hear him getting increasingly more annoyed, "I don't have to be up for work yet no. You just woke me up for no reason, Nannie. I have my alarm set I don't need you to come in here and wake me up. Please let me go back to sleep."

I could hear her shuffling back to the living room as she shut the door, mumbling an apology, and could see him turn to grab his phone just like I had to check it. He seemed to confirm what time it was and laid back down to try and sleep. I didn't remember falling back asleep, but eventually I drifted off as well, the last thing I remember thinking about was how the two of us had taken after each other after three years of living together.


	2. Free Falling

_A/N: This chapter is going to not only be horribly morbid, but it's touching on some issues I've dealt with and still are some, but it's also being exaggerated a bit. Trigger warning for those who need it: suicide and cutting are mentioned. No, I am not suicidal now, so no one get worried. I'm fine :) The story gets much lighter in moods later on, I promise, and I hope you guys stick with me through this first chapter!_

 **Chapter One (Alternative title: Free Falling):**

With Nannies morning medicine out of the way along with my own anxiety/depression medicine I had to take and breakfast made accompanied by the fresh pot of coffee I had brewed; I went to sit outside on the screened in porch on my favorite rocking chair to try and enjoy the morning. I scrolled through social media after I put on some music from another of my apps to see what was going on in the world and puffed on my electronic cigarette. The day was just starting out, I found my mind trying to wander back to the night terror, so I made myself focus on the lyrics of the song I was listening to. I felt the weight of one of our three cats and the oldest, Osie jumping onto my lap, so she could perch herself on the arm of the rocking chair. She purred affectionately as I patted her head; almost like she knew I wasn't in a good place today and needed a buddy. I began to absentmindedly sing the lyrics to the song; even if I couldn't hold a tune to save my life.

" _Blue lips._

 _Blue veins._

 _Blue, the color of our planet from far far away._

 _He stumbled into faith and thought._

' _God this is all there is.'_

 _The pictures in his mind arose._

 _And began to breathe._

 _And no one saw and no one heard._

 _They just followed lead._

 _The pictures in his mind awoke._

 _And began to breed._ " I stopped singing and turned my attention to the door opening. Nannie shuffled into the screen room, "Whatcha need Nannie?"

"Are you going to eat breakfast?"

"Not hungry," I answered far more harsh than I had intended to. I silently hoped that hadn't offended her enough to make my job harder than it was already proving to be this morning, "Maybe later I'll try and eat something. I'll be in before too long just taking a moment to myself."

She seemed satisfied with that answer, mumbling about how I needed to eat something, which I didn't protest to because doing so would keep her out here longer. I did feel empty; but it wasn't in response to hunger that I was sure of.

For months now I had been battling the depression that kept creeping up ever closer like a tiger closing in on their prey. It had been a losing battle so far, I had even gone out of my way to go to the mental health center in town that worked with people who had no insurance, to try and get help before I spiraled down the path I knew with familiarity as well as my reoccurring anxiety issues. I had sat down in the doctor's office and lied as she asked me if I had any thoughts of suicide; fully aware of the hell that brought on when I was younger and answered that question honestly.

As if I needed a silent reminder, the sunlight finally rose enough to shine onto both my arms, multiple trails from scars faded from years of healing lined them both from my elbow down to my wrist on the tops. That had been about two years after my mother had died; I was only thirteen and the same feelings I felt now was what I felt then. The painstaking loneliness that comes with fighting to stay afloat, abandonment from everyone you loved or cared about, and even with those emotions the worst of it was not feeling anything at all when you should be. It had become a struggle to get out of bed as if the world said I wasn't lazy enough.

I constantly entertained the thought of death to where it didn't seem abnormal anymore. It was an absolute I would reach sooner rather than later.

After a long minute lost in thought, realizing I had been skimming news and not even reading it, I paused to stretch. Osie plopped down from the chair with an eagerness to eat and I mused how long I could go without eating before I died. I felt like I had remembered someone said an agonizingly long week; quickly dismissing that idea. While it seemed fitting, I wouldn't succeed, it would most likely take too long and someone would catch on too fast.

The morning seemed to fly by; I kept myself as busy as I could cleaning the house. I had to fight the urge to give in to the crawling need to lay down on the living room floor and not get up every single time I stopped long enough to think. My bright blue headphones were attached to my head these days, one side flopped off of an ear so I could hear if anyone needed me, the music I listened to mostly just background noise so I couldn't focus on my thoughts. It was a trick I had trained myself to do growing up after mom's death; a simple way of coping when I felt I was already up to my ears in bullshit.

Lunchtime was dealt with and I forced myself to eat some of the chicken pot pie casserole I had painstakingly made the day before. Nannie sat down to eat yet again, and I strode off into my room, chanting to myself that at least Chris got off in a few hours.

Opening the news again on my phone; I saw an article that caught my eye as I was scrolling down. The headline read: **TEN YEAR OLD THOUGHT TO BE MISSING FOUND DEAD**

I clicked on it with my free hand, eating gingerly as I began to skim the article with somewhat renewed interest on why the child was found dead, assuming it would be another case of a murderer on the loose. Instead of what I had initially thought, it explained that the child had been camping with their parents on Mount Ebott, when the child had wandered off into the forest. Police had found one of the shoes of the child caught on a growing vine in a cave where they had took a long beaten path to get to and not far from the vine was a drop into a hole so far they couldn't even see the bottom to. They had concluded that the child, most likely not being able to see well in the darkness of the cave, fell in accidently and was announced dead on impact.

They continued stating that the mountain was said to be where the humans had banished the monsters long ago, so even if they hadn't died and survived the fall the monsters surely had killed the poor child. I faintly remembered my lessons in school covering the humans forcing the monsters underground because of a war between races. The news sight ended with a warning to campers and a picture of the child the parents had supplied for them. The kid was beaming ear to ear, scraggly red hair and freckles pasted on their face, and the pure innocence of youth practically radiated from the picture. I was supposed to feel sadness over this child's unjust and abrupt death; but all I really felt was too full from eating while I read.

An idea washed over me. Mount Ebott was the key I needed. If the impact killed the kid instantly, if I could find that hole and throw myself down it, I would be free. No more going through the motions. I had two hours to plan it out before Chris got home from work and I would want to be well under my way before then.

Picking up things to write with, I debated leaving him a note, but decided against it. I hated the idea of suicide notes. Instead of writing one all I wrote was, "I love you with all my heart. That will never change," and stuck it onto the keyboard where I know he was bound to see.

The only things I grabbed was my iPod and headphones. I figured where I was going and what I was doing I didn't need much. I stepped out back onto the porch, and with one last solitary pat on Osie's head to say goodbye, I walked down the street.

By the time I had gotten to the beginning of Mount Ebott, the sun was well into setting. It had started to get colder, which I should have felt more, but instead I stared blankly ahead. I passed several campsites and heard the ringing laughter of the families staying there as they were huddled around their fire pit. I tried to remember the last time I laughed and it seemed distant.

I had a hard time finding the worn trail in the dark. I stumbled and fell often until I finally broke down and stubbornly turned on the iPod I had brought fully charged to use as a flashlight. When the cave came into view the only way I knew it was the right one was the police tape that had been haphazardly taken down and littered all over the ground in the entrance. I slid on my headphones and after searching for the longest time I found the song I wanted.

Not wanting to fall before I was ready; I kept the iPod's backlight shined onto the ground and studied closely to make sure. It wasn't long into the song I found the thick vine that had tripped the child, as well as the gaping black hole that had resulted in their death.

I gave one last final sigh and tried to feel anything at all. After a moment of waiting and not feeling any emotion at all, I stepped over the vine carefully not wanting to leave any traces like the child had, as I stood on the very edge. I closed my eyes and turned the music I had all the way up; putting the iPod back in the pocket of my jeans.

I threw my arms up to the side and willed myself forward. There wasn't a panic reaction, I didn't even stop to try and catch myself, fully aware that this was the end. I did feel like the sudden world tilting and the speed at which it happened knocked the breath out of my lungs.

As I fell downwards into the abyss; I was filled with determination.


	3. Home Isn't Always Where The Heart Is

**Chapter Two (Alternative title: Home Isn't Always Where the Heart Is):**

Waking up was not something I expected to do, nor did I enjoy the pain shooting up through my leg, the feeling something I would compare to white hot burning pain. My mouth was much too dry and the air smelled so earthly stale I was sure I could taste it. Once I caught my bearings enough to feel I wasn't going to be sick, I sat up onto what felt like the softest bed of flowers I had ever seen. 'What luck,' I rolled my eyes, 'I can't even do that right.' The pain shot up my leg yet again. I noticed how oddly my whole leg was positioned as I realized I had most likely broke it. I managed to crawl off the bed of flowers while onto my stomach, making way passed several columns that looks aged and cracking in several places, to find a doorway leading to a wide open room.

I paused to wipe the sweat from my face tiredly, looking back up to see a single yellow flower in my path now, as I tried to remember if it had been there before something spoke with a resoundingly high pitched voice.

"Howdy! I'm Flowey! Flowey the Flower," I visibly jumped at the words and found the source to be rather disturbing. The yellow flower that had gotten in my path, Flowey, had a face… And it was staring right at me. When the flower noticed I was aware of his presence he continued cheerily, "Hmm… You're new to the Underground, aren'tcha? Golly, you must be so confused. Someone ought to teach you how things work around here! I guess little old me will have to do. Ready? Here we go!"

Before I could open my mouth to protest and explain, I felt the pressing feeling of something lifting out of my chest, as an oddly cartoon shaped heart floated in mid-air. This area around us became a fighting ground and with my limited movement; I was restricted on where I could go regardless. As my weirdly colored black heart floated aimlessly above me, Flowey went on to kindly explain how to gain LV and that it stood for LOVE, explaining he would help me gain it through tiny white friendliness pellets. His façade wasn't hard to see through though. I knew from the moment he spoke he wasn't trust worthy but I endured it because if I died then that's my purpose for even being here anyway.

The 'tiny white friendliness pellets' found its way to my still black glowing heart. The second it hit it, I cried out in pain and held a hand to my chest, the pain was overwhelming the current pain of my broken leg so much I almost passed out. His face shifted into such a sinister one; the transition was jarring but expected.

"You idiot," His voice sounded like it was lashing out with venom and considerably more demonic now as he added, "In this world, its kill, or BE killed."

The things I now understood as bullets surrounded my heart, over the sound of my pulse pounding in my ear I heard his evil laughter ringing out in echoes throughout the room, and for the first time in a long time I felt something. As the bullets inched closer; I felt full blown terror and screamed out loud for help while I closed my eyes. I heard what sounded like a camp fire crackling, then the sound of Flowey's laughter stopped, once I had decided it was safe I peeked from my hands. The flower was gone and I was alive; but a tall figure was fast approaching.

"Please," I cried loudly. Gritting my teeth through the painful wounds I had endured, feeling so dizzy the whole world was shaking, as I held up one of my hands defensively the other bracing myself upwards from on my belly so I could see, "I don't want to die! I just need to pass through." This caused the figure to speed up faster and I was sure this was it.

What passed through the light that the maniac flower had been under was what looked like an anthropomorphic female goat with blindingly white fluffy fur. Her eyes were a simple purple color with a soft saddened gaze, her horns weren't big at all, and she wore an extravagant purple robe with a weird symbol I could have sworn looked familiar.

"What a pathetic creature preying on an innocent person," Her tone was as gentle as she looked to be as she stated her distaste for the flower. Her voice was helping me feel at ease, I was overcome with a sense of urgency to sleep, as I struggled to barely keep my eyes open, "Are you hurt, my child?"

"I…I…Am." I managed to weakly answer her as I passed out from the pain I could no longer take. I heard the faint sound of the goat-woman calling out for me not to sleep and that it was dangerous; but I had already passed that point.

I woke up in panic, throwing my hands up in defense, but there wasn't any reason to. I was in a room that was rather dark because of the lack of windows; as I sat on a springy bed with the covers thrown everywhere from my struggle. My eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, I could just barely make out shapes of a wardrobe and a lamp, as I pushed to get off the bed to make it my new destination. The action of standing up made my whole leg throb angrily and I noticed how oddly I walked as soon as I took a few steps. The leg looked like it had healed wrong with my right knee almost seeming to push to escape the skin like it was bent in an odd angle, I knew that meant I would have to break it in the same place to have it properly heal as I mentally screamed an absolute no to that idea.

The room filled with light and I took a moment to scan it wearily. This had to have been a child's room if and when it was still in use. Dusty old toys were in a crate I didn't notice by the wardrobe, stuffed animals sat by the end of the bed along with pictures of the same yellow flowers I had seen before, and the last thing my eyes laid on was something that had been left on the floor by the bed. A single more than generous helping of some kind of pie on a plate had been sat down; not too long ago from the steam rising from it. A familiar scent of cinnamon and something sweet made me smile from ear to ear. I picked it up on its plate and moved to the door to venture out of the house to thank whoever had helped me. I hobbled passed a staircase leading down that was locked twice and walked into a brightly lit den area where the same goat-woman was. She had on reading glasses with her nose into a book, sitting in a chair that looked much too big and fluffy for herself while she hummed, as I got closer she seemed to notice me finally.

"Ah, you're awake now, my child. I grew rather worried about you. I see you found the pie I baked for you! Please, sit down at the table right over there and eat. I'm sure you are starving, young one."

"I am actually. Thank you," I hobbled over to the table and sat down in a brightly colored yellow chair to eat. Between mouthfuls of bites I added, "My names Joanie. Thank you for saving me and this pie." I added with my mouth full, "S'really good!"

Her laughter rang out through the room at my reaction to her baked goods she'd given me. It almost reminded me of melodically ringing bells and made me feel another emotion I hadn't felt in a while.

Happiness…

"I am Toriel, care-taker of these Ruins," Toriel sat her open book down before adding, "You are the first person to fall down here in quite some time. I tried to heal your broken leg the best I could, but I only know limited healing magic, and by judging how you're walking I am not quite so sure I effectively healed it." Her face dipped down like she had physically caused the pain in the first place.

"Hey, don't be upset, it's my fault my leg broke. I just appreciate the fact that I can at least walk." I grinned as wide as I could to express I wasn't upset about it. Even if I was I wasn't going to tell Toriel, who had done so much already to help me that, the woman looked like she was going to fall apart when she had announced the bad news to me.

"I am sorry regardless," Her tone lightened after a short pause as if to contemplate something, "Do you want to know what I'm reading?" When she saw me nod enthusiastically she brightened up, "It's called '72 Facts about Snails'! Did you know that snails do not make very good shoe laces?"

I was dumbfounded for a moment, never considering a snails function as shoe laces, before shaking my head no to her. 'How weird,' I curiously thought maybe it was a joke as she began to explain how she wanted to be a teacher, 'I really feel like I should try and find a way home. There has to be some way to get home from here.'

"Hey Toriel," I quipped in after she was done talking, "I really do thank you for your help and everything, but I really need to find a way home. Do you think you could show me the way to get home?"

Toriel's eyebrows seemed to furrow in slight annoyance as she closed her book and sat it onto the floor to lift herself up out of the comfy looking chair. She muttered something about needing to take care of something, only to dart off to where the hallway had been, just about stunning me into silence for a moment before I went hobbling after her.

I noticed the downstairs was no longer locked and curiosity struck me as I ventured carefully down the stairs. What I entered into was what looked like a long corridor; Toriel at the end of it.

"Hey, listen, I didn't mean to offend you I just need—"My sentence was cut off by her speaking in an abrupt almost stern tone.

"The end of this hallway leads to the exit of the ruins. I plan on destroying it so no one can escape," I could feel myself shake a little and my stomach flipped as I realized the goat-woman didn't want me to leave, "You do not understand. If you leave the ruins, you will die, ASGORE will kill you. Just like the other six. Now please, just go back upstairs, and I will join you once I am done." The fear turned into sadness as I realized she was trying to protect me. But I held onto determination and followed close behind. When she spoke again at a curve in the hallway; I almost heard wavering in her voice. "I cannot afford to lose another child. Please, Joanie, go back upstairs," After a moment her tone was much sterner, "This is your last warning."

We closed in on the door and I realized just how huge it really was. She stood there for a moment, then turned to face me, with a burning flame in her hand. I didn't want to fight her. I just wanted to go back home.

"Prove you can survive. Prove to me you will not die like the others, Joanie."

My black cartoon heart floated into place as the battle begun.


	4. Spooky Scary Skelebrothers

**Chapter Three (Alternative title: Spooky Scary Skelebrothers):**

I was refusing to fight Toriel for three turns now, even when I got burned by her flames she was summoning down onto me, as my plan was to spare her in hopes she would return the favor. I didn't feel like she was capable of killing anyone and admired her for trying to take matters into her own hands. Every time I chose to spare her, I told her that her strength was impressive, but my stubborn attitude and resolve meant once I started something I wouldn't back down. After the fifth turn of sparing her I noticed the flames weren't even trying to hit me. Toriel looked visibly upset trying to explain how we could have a nice life here, she didn't have much and because of it she knew I wouldn't be happy, we both stood in silence the battle still rolling but not really.

With a shaky sigh, she let me spare her one last time, ending the battle.

"Joanie, through this door lies the path to Snowdin. You must promise me to stay safe. Here," As I nodded my head signifying I would indeed be safe (more to convince myself than her) she handed me an old flip-phone, "Once you leave you can never come back."

I had silent tears rolling down my cheek when she bent down to hug me tightly in a warm velvet embrace. Toriel stood up abruptly and shielded her face from my view, turning on her heel quickly, briskly pacing a few feet back to the beginning of the hall and her home.

"Toriel!" My yell rang out in the empty hall and she slowly turned back to face me. I could see she was crying too. All I could manage through my tears was, "Goodbye." With finality in my voice.

"Goodbye, my child."

I watched her disappear with the curve of the hall; loneliness wracking my entire body. Not wanting to stay here any longer and dwell on familiar feelings of pain, I pushed open the heavy tall door with all my strength.

I was blinded by a white light as I heard the Ruins door slam back shut with a loud clamoring noise.

My whole body started shivering at the chill in the air, once my eyes adjusted to how bright everything was I noticed it was snowing out here, and for a brief moment I was filled with determination. I couldn't remember the last time I had played in the snow as winter time normally brought no snow on the surface. I opted against my first reaction to play in it; due to the growing problem of my attire. I was NOT dressed for this weather that much was plain to see. Thin jeans, a short sleeved plain black t-shirt, and converses with ankle socks were definitely not winter weather play clothes. My whole right leg began to throb dully as if to agree with my previous thought.

I hobbled as quickly as I could manage, a smooth path had been cleanly cut lined by thick forests on either side as a natural fence of sorts, as I passed a pretty sizeable thick stick. I considered using it as a crutch so I wouldn't wobble so much as I walked; but wasting energy on breaking it would mean less energy to get to Snowdin. I hadn't stepped seven paces before I heard a resounding cracking noise.

"Is someone there?" I was no longer just shaking thanks to the cold; but in fear as well. I turned back to glance at the stick I had passed only to see it broke in a way it was now useable. I walked back over, hyper aware of my surroundings now as I picked up the longer forked end to use, using it like a cane for now to help pick up my pace from whatever monster was following me.

A bridge with a weirdly spaced gate came into view. 'Is this supposed to stop someone? Aren't the bars too wide?' I wondered in my head as I stopped when I heard shuffling of footsteps behind me. I jumped a lot harder than I wish I had when there was a deep gruff voice from behind me.

" **human. dont you know how to greet a new pal? turn around and shake my hand.** "

I slowly did as I was told, the figure stood as tall as I was, and reached out to grab their hand with mine shaking fiercely. What I thought was a loud roar in my already startled and shaking ears, was not roaring but in fact the sound of a whoopee cushion slowly deflating, as I felt myself jump in fear yet again. I was always that jumpy when I was scared. The monster walked further into the light from the shadows, the most prominent thing being the face that he was quite literally, a skeleton monster. He gazed at my face with tiny white dots for eyes in his eye sockets and burst into a low rumbling laugh. I let out a tiny small wheeze that was supposed to be a laugh in response to the practical joke.

He wore a bright blue hoodie and a white turtleneck underneath it from what I could see of it through his unzipped jacket, his build was almost like mine I noticed (how is a skeleton fat? I don't understand that logic at all), and much to my surprise he had gym shorts on and slippers. Slippers! How was he not freezing to death?

" **you should have seen your face. priceless. im sans. sans the skeleton. what are you doing here in the underground,** " I explained that I had fell through a hole and left out some of the more personal details; as well as giving him my name since he gave me his. His gaze made me feel like he could see right through my lack of information, " **well, you know, im supposed to be capturing humans right now. but i don't really care about that.** "

"Oh, thank god." I held myself steady using my makeshift cane/crutch while Sans continued on after giving a light chuckle at what I had said.

" **here comes my brother papyrus. hes a human hunting fanatic, but don't worry, hes mostly harmless. actually, I just got an idea. go through this gate thingy,** " When I easily walked through it to turn back at him with a puzzled look his grin lit up, " **yeah, i know, he made the gate too wide. anyone can walk through it. here. hide behind my sentry station.** "

I hobbled over to the wooden building, sitting into the snow uncomfortably, my right leg refusing to cooperate with me and bend so I could see over it to the scene unfolding. It turns out I didn't have to strain to see or hear his brother for that matter, his voice so loud, I'm pretty sure anyone within a ten foot radius could hear his whole side of the conversation. It was almost comical if I didn't have a splitting headache from being in pain.

The louder brother Papyrus had stopped fussing at Sans long enough to go on a long monologue about how once he found and captured a human he would be famous. A part of the Royal Guard (whatever that was) with Undyne (whoever that was) and people would shower him with kisses every morning. The last one made me snort and hide a smile. He went back to fussing over his brother again, the word boondoggling was thrown in, and to my surprise I hear Sans defend himself.

" **hey. ive got a ton of work done today… a skele-ton.** " After a long groan from Papyrus I had to clamp my shaking hand over my mouth to keep the obviously annoyed skeleton from hearing my laughter wrack my body roughly; the wind seemed to be picking up and the snow had already soaked my entire legs.

"WHY IS IT THAT I, THE GREEEAATT PAPYRUS, HAVE TO DO SO MUCH TO GET SOME RECOGNITION AROUND HERE?!"

" **sounds like youre really working yourself… to the bone bro.** "

"SANS!" I heard the sound of hands being thrown up as Papyrus practically screamed his brother's name in frustration from his puns.

" **hey you liked it. your smiling.** "

"I AM AND I HATE IT," The sound of a foot stomping was all I could hear before he sighed like he had been defeated, "I WILL BE ATTENDING TO MY PUZZLES. AS FOR YOU, PUT A LITTLE MORE… BACKBONE… INTO IT. NYEH HEH HEH HEH!" A loud laugh rang out almost echoing through the trees lining this handmade path before one last 'HEH' was sputtered. I sighed with relief as the familiar feet stomped through the snow away, Sans eventually called me out of my hiding spot, but much to my dismay I couldn't get back up.

"H-Hey, uh, S-S-Sans," I called out from the stand awkwardly. I just began to realize how bad my teeth were chattering and the loss of feeling in my legs, "I d-don't think I c-c-can stand back up o-on my own. I-I can't f-f-feel m-my legs."

The sound of shuffling could be heard reaching closer as Sans rounded the sentry station. He slid up the end of my jeans curiously checking something; as I noticed my legs had gone blue by the time the conversation with Papyrus had ended. I began to panic, I could tell Sans was realizing hypothermia was setting in to my lower half, as he shrugged off his jacket to wrap me in. I gladly took it from him to keep the chill off my steadily freezing arms; as he helped me stand even with the task being fruitless since I couldn't feel my legs anymore.

" **hold on kiddo. we're going for a ride. shut your eyes, ok?** "

I shut them obediently and felt a strange feeling resounding in my body. I could sense my hair standing on end like I was in a static storm, a few pulses of some weird electricity like noise, and a sickening feeling of vertigo and fear. Whatever ride it was didn't last very long; but I didn't quite stick the landing. I visibly pushed away from him in the snow, overcome with embarrassment as my feet collapsed me to the ground, not being able to hold back the urge to vomit any longer. There were a few pats on my back and he seemed to be holding my hair awkwardly for me. I made a mental note to thank him later as he bent down to brace me up yet again; guiding me into a cozy looking two story house.

I was laid as smoothly as the kind skeleton could manage on top of something that almost seemed to envelope me it was so soft. In a sleepy haze I noticed I was on a couch and my thoughts were becoming less coherent but I faintly saw it was the weirdest shade of forest green. Sans had returned while I stammered talking about things I myself barely understood, wrapping me with care in blankets. Before stepping into the house I had not even realized I was no longer shaking anymore from the cold.

The warmth was almost too much and I struggled against the blanket burrito I had been captured in fruitlessly. I felt a cold boney like hand being placed on my forehead, a gruff sounding male voice was explaining I needed to lay still or I would hurt myself, his voice reminded me of someone I knew and I calmed a bit.

Something was shuffling beside me when I seemed to rouse enough to be semi-coherent. I just barely lifted my head up to see the short skeleton I had met earlier, he had my legs onto his lap and was reading something, as I groaned at how stiff I felt all over.

" **youre awake finally,** " Sans seemed to look at me with concern in his eyes and voice. I tried to set up on the couch only to have him hold out his hands, " **whoa there partner. you are lucky you didnt lose your legs from hypothermia. dont be so quick to rush off and just sit down and chill.** "

"Sorry," I laid my head back down onto the couch cushion. I winced as my leg seemed to push waves of pain through me; Sans turned to curiously stare at me, "I feel like if anything else happens to my body down here it's going to break me."

" **that bad already?** " I sighed and made a 'maybe' noise since I couldn't push my hands out of the blanket to do their job. I watched as he unwrapped the blankets in mild fascination. For a race of supposed horrible monsters they were all too kind and gentle; making me feel rather selfish for why I even ended up here in the first place. If these monsters could willingly help someone who drove their race to live out in this hole in the earth, why couldn't I have held onto hope, and not tried to go through with this plan in the first place? My train of thought trailed off, interrupted by Sans speaking in almost a whisper, " **kid… you have been through a lot. your leg isnt healed right, you have two broken ribs that i can see with my magic, and…** "

He forced himself to look away from me as I drowned myself in guilt. He shouldn't have to take care of me like this.

"I have broken ribs? Is that why I feel like I can't breathe?" My question seemed to baffle him even further; as if it was a surprise to me I didn't even know I had broken any ribs.

" **youve got to be ribbing me. doesnt it hurt a whole hell of a lot?** " When I nodded and explained that the reason I wasn't sure was I had never broken anything before this incident other than busting up my knee he added, " **my brother should be coming home before too long looking for me. when he gets here ill see if he cant take a look at your legs and ribs and heal them for you, okay?** "

"I would like that. Hey Sans?" He made a 'hmm' noise quizzically with his eyes closed and head leaned back, "I don't understand why you guys are locked down here when every single monster I have stumbled across has done nothing but help me."

" **dunno,** " I struggled for a moment to sit up, noticing I had been stripped of my old probably soaked clothes, a pair of gym shorts and a loose fitting white tank top borrowed from most likely Sans. Once I had sat up and leaned against the couch for a moment with my head in my hands Sans voice rung out softly, " **you have any siblings?** "

"Not any related by blood," I rubbed my forehead as he handed me a glass of water and a smaller pill explaining it was for the headache. I thanked him and downed the pill as fast as I could manage without choking, tipping the whole glass back like I hadn't had water in years, "I have two step sisters and two step brothers. I don't much care for the brothers… for personal reasons… so we aren't in contact and haven't been for years."

" **ah see its just me and papyrus here.** " I watched as he stood and took my glass from my hand. When I blinked he was gone the second my eyelids opened again.


	5. Control

_A/N: As always, any trigger warnings I need to post I will do so by chapter, this one contains cutting. This chapter isn't focused on it and it's not mentioned long._

 **Chapter Four (Alternative Title: Control):**

I took a moment to compose myself before trying to gingerly test the waters on my busted leg. The room was bathed in a soft glow from the fireplace, it was a pretty basic looking two story house upon inspection, the monsters down here seemed to live just as normal as humans did. A TV was mounted above the fireplace, 'I wonder what monsters watch down here? Do they even have cable?' A dining table stood off to the right of the couch, the only other thing in the living room being what looked like a sock ('Why is there a sock on the floor?') that had several sticky notes pasted above it, instead of letting my curious nature get me in trouble I walked towards an open rather large arch leading to what I could see of a kitchen.

The kitchen was mostly normal, and if by normal you meant the sink being at least fifteen feet tall, then it was as normal as it could get but it was the only thing odd about the kitchen. 'I stand corrected and that last statement retracted.' I held back a laugh when I opened the fridge with nothing but containers labeled 'SPAGHETTI' in block letters with just a few labeled 'quiche'.

I shook my head while I thought about how weird I was myself with my eating habits; turning to limp back into the living room only for Sans to be right in front of me when I turned around.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" I cried out before I could think about what I was saying. I clutched my chest, trying to lean onto the counter as I realized the shooting pain it was creating through my hip from my bum leg, waving my hand at Sans wide grin, "You… I swear I didn't even hear you! What are you, a ghost skeleton?"

" **no,** " The short skeleton gave me a lazy shrug as he added with a wink, " **but i guess i am pretty ghastly.** " I couldn't help myself and broke into laughter which seemed to only fuel his puns. " **i was afraid for a minute you had sheet yourself.** " Laughter turned into wheezing, tears were streaming down my face from the sheer amount of laughing I was doing, even when my whole chest was protesting he seemed to be hitting my funny bone. " **watch yourself there, you dont want to laugh too hard, you might make yourself dead tired.** "

"S-Sans stop," I waved my hands in front of me as I surrendered, "My chest is killing me. Truce! I bow down to the king of puns, except I can't or I'll topple over, so just imagine I'm bowing."

" **fair enough.** " He handed me a glass of water as I struggled to remember that was I guess what he had shuffled off to do when he had grabbed it, " **but as i was saying, its just me and pap here, its been like that for us for as long as i can remember.** "

We walked together back to the couch and sat together while we talked. He seemed to slouch down into the couch, reminding me of myself, but what I connected with the most was the feeling he seemed to radiate off himself when he spoke. Sans might have what looked like a never ending smile stuck on himself; but there had been moments I caught by looking at his eyes where I saw what he really was. My heart wanted to reach out to him, the familiarity of depression the main reason I was down here to begin with, and while I didn't know what battles this skeleton had been doing he was fighting with all his might.

" **hey joanie,** " When my eyes fell on his I could see he had a concerned frown, " **why did…why did you do that to your arms?** "

I subconsciously wrapped my hands around myself, suddenly awfully aware of every scar, taking my time to answer him back as I fought to find the words.

"Sans…" I closed my eyes, sticking my hands in front of my face, rubbing my eyes entirely too hard, "I lost someone close to me that I depended on. I quit believing there was any higher power at work, I was mad at everyone and even myself all the time, but most of all I didn't want to live in a world without her." I continued rubbing my eyes as tears began to fall, "I felt like I had no one else left, while my whole family assured me I had plenty of people left, and it made me hate them too because it never would have mattered how many people I had."

" **all you wanted was her.** " I nodded my head and focused on not becoming a gigantic cry baby in front of Sans. The room was silent except for the sound of the fire crackling lazily in the fireplace. " **i lost my older brother when i was young. papyrus doesnt remember him since he was too young when he died. i know how hard it is to deal with losing your whole world like that. loneliness, abandonment, and anger were definitely something i know too well.** "

I scooted over towards him, I could see a faint blue glow replacing the normal white pupil he had in his left eye, reaching over before he could protest to wrap him in a tight hug. He tensed up automatically it seemed and didn't unwind for a few moments. Sans and I stayed like that for a time, I noted curiously that he breathed surprisingly but it was much too slow to match a humans breathing, as well as the scent of an aroma I recognized as a fresh pine scent.

I pulled away from him and caught a glimpse of a blue colored blush before he looked away. I heard the sound of a door swinging open and then closed shut tightly, loud clobbering stomps signaled who it was before they had even entered, as I glanced at Sans worried about what his brother had said about capturing humans.

"BROTHER YOU BETTER NOT BE SLEEPING ON THE JOB AGAIN," Papyrus called out right as I shifted on the couch to lay my useless right leg out, "SANS! I KNEW YOU WERE BEING A LAZYBONES AGAIN!"

When Papyrus rounded the couch with intent to rouse his brother from what he assumed was him sleeping, I saw just how different the two skeletons were, and felt myself swallow nervously. Papyrus was built like a skyscraper. He was so tall I was sure he was seven and a half feet minimal. He wore a white torso piece that looked like cloth armor with gold trimming and had on a billowing red scarf around his neck. He had on red gloves with the same gold trim, blue briefs with a gold belt, and his red boots seemed to be still wet from melted snow. His eyes, which I noted were different than Sans because he had no pupils at all and they seemed smaller, glanced from Sans slouching lazily on the couch to me as if he was in shock.

"SANS, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD CAPTURED A HUMAN? I WOULD HAVE CAME SOONER!" Sans shrugged and opened his mouth to answer until Papyrus lifted me off the couch to sling over his arm almost effortlessly. I cried out in pain at the rough lift, my chest and leg throbbing together, and if he didn't stop walking I was sure I was going to pass out from the agony of it.

" **bro wait,** " Papyrus halted by the door, " **the human needs your help. she has some broken bones and your going to hurt her more.** "

"VERY WELL. HUMAN," He sat me down and I expected to be jostled more but he was just as gentle as Sans had been, "I WILL TEND TO YOUR INJURIES. THEN YOU WILL BE CAPTURED AND TAKEN TO THE CAPITOL."

He stood over me, both of his eyes were glowing a calming bright orange along with his hands, as he held his gloved hands over my body to hover. I could feel things rearranging inside of my chest and it felt weirder than anything; like I was being put together almost like a jigsaw puzzle. His concentration faltered at my right leg and he wore a frown for a moment.

"Human I am not sure if I can fix this leg to the normal state it was before. I think I can fix the knee but that is all I think I can manage. The leg has been healed improperly and-"

"Trying to fix it would mean you would have to break it again?" I stated sadly knowing the consequences to fix it. I closed my eyes, taking a few destress breaths, noticing Papyrus did in fact have an inside voice before I quietly asked, "Do you know exactly where it's broke?"

"Well, yes I can see it clearly, but you-"

"Can you break it without causing any extra damage and then repair it?" When I didn't get an answer I opened my eyes to see the two staring at me as if I had grown a third arm. Papyrus seemed to go from shocked to visibly upset, babbling uselessly about how I couldn't be serious, he didn't want to hurt me. "But can you do it?" He looked down and nodded. With a soft sigh, I closed my eyes again, this time with the intent of keeping them closed, "Then do it. Sans get me something leather, and make sure I don't come up swinging, Papyrus… I trust you fully."

Sans slid a belt into my hand which I doubled up and bit down on. I gave Papyrus a thumbs up and his short brother took my hands and held them above my head where Papyrus could work safely. I felt long cold joints hold my leg and I told myself to look up at Sans not watch Papyrus. I inhaled deeply through my nose since my leg was already protesting even being picked up, holding my breath for a moment, the sound of a loud splintering snap rung through my ears.

I had thought for a second Papyrus was trying to play a trick on me making that noise until a second later I felt unimaginable pain. It was washing over me in tidal waves, I bit down on the belt and screamed until I had no air in my lungs to force out, tears spilling out of my eyes as I struggled to move my hands beneath Sans grip. I was glad I had a belt between my teeth because I was sure if I hadn't had one I would have bit through my tongue during it. I strained to keep still through it, I could swear that the act of fixing the break was more painful than it was breaking it, the room was spinning and my jaw had begun to hurt from clamping down.

My screams died down to whimpers as Papyrus finished up the last bit; I could still feel the pain wracking my body. I had to work my jaw open with great effort, my chest heaving up and down, I blinked a few times to make sure I could still see through white dots that seemed to be floating in front of my face.

"Human?" Papyrus voice sounded almost scared of me. 'I probably scarred the poor guy for life.' I remarked in my head.

"I-I'm okay now," Sans helped me stand as I took a few test steps my mood brightened considerably, "I can walk now! Thank you so much Papyrus! You're the greatest Papyrus!" I took a running leap into the tall skeleton and hugged him with earnest. I heard him stutter out a 'Your welcome' before I pulled away to plant a joyous kiss on what would be his cheek as he flushed an orange hue while he sat me down.

"AHEM," He made a sound like he was clearing his throat and looked down at his brother, "I, THE GREEEAAT PAPYRUS, THINK THE HUMAN SHOULD STAY HERE WITH US UNTIL SHE IS OKAY. WHAT DO YOU THINK DEAR BROTHER?"

I didn't bother hiding my excitement at the thought, catching a big grin spreading out on Sans, as he shrugged with a wink towards me, " **tiba honest i think i would enjoy that. joanie is pretty cool for a human.** "

Papyrus didn't even seem fazed by his brothers' pun this time; bouncing up and down in excitement while he talked rapidly about how he had so many puzzles planned.

Watching these two friendly and generous skeletons talk animatedly about the future filled me with determination.

I had been living with the skeleton brothers' for a week now. I rested for the first day, then after they were both sure I was fine, the two of them were kind enough to show me around Snowdin on the second day. Sans had taken me shopping the third day; even going so far as to pay for the winter clothes I picked up. We found our style of clothes matched perfectly. Baggy and comfortable was what we both enjoyed the most it seemed. The fourth and fifth day the three of us had decided we wanted to know about each other's race so we got together in the living room and I told them as much as I could about humans. Papyrus seemed rather pleased that a bunch of humans liked pasta and crosswords as much as him, and Sans seemed rather excited that he could become a comedian doing just puns and get paid for it, but the thing they both seemed to like about the surface was the fact that seasons changed and the weather was always different. I figured they would get a kick out of learning that since it seemed to be stuck snowing all the time for some reason here.

The sixth day, I decided I was going to go exploring by myself, since both of the brothers' were busy with work. I met Lesser and Greater Dog, Doggo, and Dogessa and Dogamy which I pet until I could pet no more because I absolutely loved dogs! There were so many different kind of monsters here it was almost overwhelming. Unlike humans, the amount of races and differences between monsters were staggering by far, I found that I really kind of enjoyed the Underground. Today was the seventh day of me being here an official week.

When I woke up I recognized I was standing in what looked like my old trailer that Mom and I lived in together for a short period of time. The paneling was still an ugly shade of brown, the carpet stained from years of smokers renting it, and the furniture seemed to be mostly in place the same way we had it. The only thing knocked over was a chair; and I saw a single bottle of whiskey half full on the table. I winced, picking the bottle up and swirling the dirty liquid around, as I tried to remember how long ago this was since I even set my feet into this house.

'You know what,' I grunted audibly and picked up the tall glass bottle, 'I fucking hate whiskey.' And then smashed it as hard as I could onto the table. I watched as glass flew in every direction and the liquid dripped down from the table to the floor. The sound seemed to rouse something in the back room, stumbling could be heard from the room I remembered was my mothers' room, as I tenderly stepped down the hall not to alert whoever was here. I turned the knob as slow as I could manage and peeked in through the crack; I could see what looked like my mother stirring from her chair by the vanity. She was slumped over, her movement was erratic but slow, typical drunken mother behavior.

This memory felt familiar in every way. I glanced over at the old box television sitting on the floor, it seemed to be frozen on the ending of Mario Kart 64 from where I beat it, as my heart plummeted.

"Oh," My mouth formed a perfect 'O' for a moment before adding, "Son of a bitch… It's this memory."

I wasn't prepared for the door to be jerked open. The broken neck of the whiskey bottle slid passed my mothers' wrath as I was left to be defenseless on the floor; landing chin first into the carpet. I held my chin and groaned out when my mother seemed to process what the hell happened she screamed out.

"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY WHISKEY," I could barely understand her through the slurs and it took me the longest time to answer but before I could finish she continued, "WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT PLAYING SO I COULD GET SOME PEACE!"

"Well, gee, thanks Mom. I am so thrilled to see you too. I mean, for a moment, I was so sure you cared almost." The sentence flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself. It took her drunken mind a second to process my insult; but when she did… Boy, she REALLY did. I don't think I had ever seen her so angry. I'm sure if she got any more red in the face and her blood pressure got any higher she would be passing out.

"You smartass little bitch," I didn't even see her hand until I felt the connection of it against my face. I fell back onto the floor on my back this time, the air was knocked right out of me as my mother disappeared out of eyesight, as she shot back in the same furious tone, "I'll teach you to disobey me."

"What are you…?" I stopped talking since I didn't have to ask what she was doing. She stood over me with the broken whiskey top, a sickening grin slid across her face, and I began to tremble and hold my hands up defensively, "Please. Think about this Mom. I won't do it again I promise."

"It's too late for that brat."

I cringed in fear and held my hands against my face in hopes she wouldn't do it. 'Surely she woul-' My own thought never finished because of a sudden fire across my wrists. I turned them over to assess the damage she had done slowly; my arms shook as a waterfall of my own blood pooled down passed my elbows. Dizziness overcome me but before I passed out I heard almost a childlike laughter and watched her eyes flash red for a split second; as she slashed the bottle across my neck as I screamed out.

Sitting up quickly with my heart pounding in my ears, all I could taste was blood for a moment, and my whole body shook with renewed terror. I flipped my wrists over just as slow as I had done in my night terror as my eyes misted over; I didn't see a clean line but what I did see worried me even more. I had been scratching where it was in my sleep with my nails apparently, the skin wasn't just raw either, as it was I had at least taken a full layer off of the top of my skin. I pushed my pillow into my face to muffle the sounds of my sobs.

While I was preoccupied with crying I missed the sound of a door opening; and winced automatically away when I felt a boney hand run through my hair.

" **whats wrong i heard a scream,** " 'Oh thank god. It's just Sans.' The pillow was being taken away from my face and I almost protested to it since I'm sure I looked about as attractive as a lumpy rock right now. I noticed the shock look on his face melt into an expression of concern, " **bad dream jo?** "

"Night terror." He teleported for a moment and returned with a wet washcloth to hand over to me. I rubbed my wrists with it and winced at the burning sensation it left behind; tossing it back over to him, "I hope I didn't wake both of you up."

Sans just shook his head and lifted my legs with his magic so he could sit on the end of the couch. He motioned for me to come lay my head on his lap, as hard as I was trying I was sure I was blushing a little, and once I took the pillow and laid it on his leg to make it more comfortable I could feel him pet my head. I stopped tensing up at his touch as he ran his phalanges carefully over the base of my skull in relaxing circles; I couldn't help letting out a yawn.

I began to hum a familiar song, and once I found the tune I was looking for, I sung out softly into the darkness of the living room.

" _I sat alone, in bed till the morning,_

 _I'm crying, "They're coming for me"_

 _And I tried to hold these secrets inside me,_

 _My mind's like a deadly disease._

 _I'm bigger than my body,_

 _I'm colder than this home,_

 _I'm meaner than my demons,_

 _I'm bigger than these bones._

 _And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me"_

 _I can't help this awful energy,_

 _God damn right, you should be scared of me,_

 _Who is in control?_

 _I paced around for hours on empty,_

 _I jumped at the slightest of sounds,_

 _And I couldn't stand the person inside me,_

 _I turned all the mirrors around._ "

I stopped singing and opened my eyes to see Sans staring down at me with an expression I've never seen him wear. I felt a blush spreading as I looked away, closing my eyes and humming the chorus lightly, as I could feel myself dropping back off to sleep.


	6. These Demons Are On Fire

**Chapter Five (Alternative Title: These Demons Are On Fire):**

When I woke up again I could hear the faintest of snoring; blinking and rubbing the sleep from my tired green eyes wearily. I pushed up easily off the pillow, I had woke up face first into the pillow, as I lifted off the couch while I stretched out. The various bones popped as I shook off the feeling of stiffness from sleeping oddly; running through my morning routine. I reached into my drawer in Sans room, deciding on my black short dress today that clung a bit too tightly to my chest, slipping into some black pantyhose I had bought as I picked up my black lace up heels to carry with me back to the living room.

Once I had got back downstairs from changing I noticed that Sans was awake now and sitting up watching me with a smile on his face.

" **morning jo,** " His voice rang out sleepily as I sat down and smiled to him to tell him good morning too, " **hey i got an idea. today since you look so fancy, why dont i take you to grillby's, my treat?** "

"Grillby's? Isn't that the bar?" I felt myself grow nervous like I always did in social situations where people were drunk. I had begun to understand Sans was a good face reader, either that, or I was just terrible at keeping a poker face.

" **dont worry jo im not trying to get you plastered. you dont have to drink to go to grillbys. hes cool like that.** " I let out a breath in relief and told him I wouldn't mind that at all then. He slipped on his slippers (which I still giggle at and tease him about being an old bones) and we headed out not too far from his house. We both stopped in front of a pleasant looking building, stepping in I was bombarded with a wave of heat, as I walked passed plenty of familiar faces I had met this week. Sans took a seat in the stool at the bar and I opted for the one beside his; when the sound of a loud wet fart escaped from underneath me. I think my whole face turned red, lifting myself up to pull out a whoopee cushion, and I knocked the comedic skeleton on the top of the head with it as he chuckled.

" **and you just assume it was me, i see.** "

"Oh, yeah right, like it would be anyone else but you shorty." Sans made a fake insulted jester, I tried to be mad at him but was failing fast, when I heard the most enticing laugh in front of us. My eyes locked with who I assumed was the bartender here; and I couldn't help but size him over. He was a monster literally made out of flame, dressed in an alluring washed out maroon colored vest and white button up shirt, and a pair of rectangular glasses somehow perched on his face. As the man laughed deeply his body seemed to crackle and pop in tune; I was apparently staring from the chuckles from beside me coming from Sans.

" **grillby this is my friend joanie, joanie this is the bartender and owner of grillby's, if you stare at him any harder jo your gonna go blind.** " My face was going red again as I kicked at his legs hidden behind the bar.

Grillby reached a gloved hand towards me, to my surprise when he took it instead of shaking my hand, he brought it up to his face and I felt a warmth spread on the back of my hand in a gesture of a gentleman-like kiss. I was expecting to be burnt by his touch so I was relieved and intrigued when I didn't.

"It is a pleasure, Joanie." His accent was heavily Northern British and he sounded so soft-spoken yet his voice had a heavy bass tone, "Any friend of Sans is a friend of mine."

I felt like a fish out of water for a split second, without even being able to touch my face I knew it was still probably blushing still, and if I heard him talk one more time I was pretty sure I was going to pass out from all the blood rushing to my head. His voice was absolutely delicious and I knew if I didn't make an excuse to step outside soon I was going to make a complete ass out of myself.

"T-The pleasure's a-all mine," I manage to stutter out and mentally cringed as my southern accent reared its head like it tended to do at times, "I-If y-y'all could excuse m-me I'll be r-right back."

I had never power walked so fast in heels in my entire life. I stood by the side of the building out of sight, finally letting out a breath I hadn't even realized I had been holding, and I fully enjoyed the cold air to help ease how hot my face had gotten. 'It's not just my face I'm trying to cool down, if I'm being honest with myself. Dear lord, I can't even believe that, he's made out of fire for fucks sake! How am I even attracted to a monster that's literally just a walking burning torch?'

The door to Grillbys jingled open and shut, I heard familiar shuffling and mentally cursed at myself for not having a poker face, as Sans rounded the corner with the most shit-eating grin on his face.

" **jo you ran out of there so fast,** " He doubled over chuckling hard and I put my hands in front of my face to hide how embarrassed I was, " **i dont think ive ever seen your face that shade of red and what was with that accent?** "

"It's a southern accent. It only pops up if I feel a certain way. I had to train myself to hide it so people wouldn't make fun of me growing up."

" **between you and me,** " He leaned back against the wall beside me and winked an eye at me, " **grillz likes you. he doesnt greet every new customer like that; plus getting him to talk that much is rare.** "

I groaned out in agony at my socially awkward tendencies. Well, one things for sure, he won't like me for long I can promise that. After a long silence between the two of us, I heard him sit up from the wall, as he was walking back to the door he stopped and added, " **i snuck a peek at him while you were walking away, by the way. he was eyeing your ass the entire time. i havent seen his face so red in years.** "

"SANS!" I screamed out as he took off back inside, "There's no need to encourage the wandering thoughts I was having… God damn it."

I straightened my dress a few times nervously, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself, and strolled carefully back up to the bar. Sans was leaning over the bar some and they seemed to be in a conversation that was about something embarrassing; because Grillby's whole face was almost a pinkish hue of red. I sat down again with no whoopee cushion to greet me thankfully, the two stopped talking instantly as I was spotted, and I smiled sweetly at the flaming bartender.

"Sorry about that, hon." Mentally I was screaming internally at my southern accent but as I spoke Grillby seemed to enjoy it with his face still glowing a faint red around where his cheeks should be underneath all that fire, "That ain't very fittin' of me."

" **whoa jo your talking another language there.** " Oh, I could tell, Sans was enjoying this greatly. I made a mental note to give him the world's worst noogie when we got home from this.

I cleared my throat and glared at Sans before continuing, "Mind gettin' me a vodka on ice, sweetheart?"

"I-I shall be back momentarily with your drink, madam."

I let out an uneven breath and punched Sans playfully. I couldn't help breaking out into laughter when he acted surprised that I had once again accused him of foul play. He started telling me about how long he had known Grillby, and that he was sort of a regular around here, just as Grillby sat my drink down in front of me and handed a bottle of ketchup to Sans.

"Ketchup?"

" **i could ask you the same thing misses 'i dont like to drink'**."

"Yuuuup," I held out the syllables longer than I had to as I jokingly quipped, "Liquid Courage" and then tipped back the glass to drink half of it.

"Sans stated you are a human, Miss Joanie," Grillby pushed up his glasses with renewed interest, "We have not seen a human amongst us in years and certainly not one of your beauty." I almost choked on my drink when that smooth motherfucker hit on me. I coughed, rather unattractively I was sure, as Sans attempted to help by patting my back.

"Please, Joanie is fine, and I had heard monsters talkin' about other children fallin' down here before." I took another sip of my lovely liquid courage before adding, "I wasn't expectin' such a handsome gentleman like yourself either, hon."

His face lit up pink again, I could really tell my drink was settling in, as I felt myself losing the feeling of nervousness enough to lean seductively over the bar exposing my cleavage just enough to tease him. I could hear Sans just about choke on his ketchup, trying to cover up his laughter from us both, as I fought to try to put on an air of confidence about myself until the alcohol kicked in all the way.

"What are your interest's then, Joanie?" He leaned on the counter and I could see his body had some shape to it through the flames; his arms were almost too well-toned for a bartender. He radiated a hotter warmth, as if to entice me closer, and I had to stop myself from grabbing him by the collar and ravishing him in front of his customers. 'Don't say watching those clothes fall onto the floor as an answer.' I reminded myself to be genuine and stop being a flirt.

"Hmm," I tapped my chin thoughtfully for a second before answering, "I like to write and sing, but those two I'm not particularly good at I still try, and I enjoy readin' quite a bit. What about you? What d'ya like doin' 'sides bartendin'?"

"I adore reading as well, cooking is also an interest of mine, and I work out on a schedule to keep myself in shape."

"I can tell," I downed the last of my drink and Grillby reached to take it from me; but not before brushing against my fingers. The contact made something stir inside me, "I'll pass on havin' another, hon. One's my limit."

" **i am going to head out before papyrus comes storming the fort looking for me,** " I waved to Sans as he called out, " **you two lovebirds have fun.** "

"I should probably go too," Grillby seemed disappointed, until I took his glove off one hand to kiss the back of his hand like he had done mine, slipping a piece of paper with my cellphone number Toriel had given me on it towards him, "Don't go missin' me too much, handsome."

I forced myself off the barstool and concentrated on walking slowly to the door. I noticed the customers had died down, the only two left being Lesser Dog and a drunken sleeping bunny at a booth, as I turned to give Grillby a small smirk while I exited into the cold of Snowdin.

Playing hard to get filled me with determination.

The day passed fairly quickly, after much teasing from Sans and what felt like a lifetime's worth of noogies later, it was just me and Sans sitting on the couch with the TV on but I wasn't really watching it. My mind had a thousand questions about life down here still and even more about Grillby himself. I was staring straight ahead and to anyone else it could look like I was really enjoying whatever was on; but I couldn't help feeling the creeping of the same thoughts that had landed me down here to begin with. How long had I been without my medication? I had heard that dropping medicine for depression could come with terrible side effects.

My thoughts were growing darker it seemed no matter where I go they would follow me. It started as almost a whisper. I could be looking in the mirror and think to myself, 'This outfit doesn't look bad at all on me.' and another quieter voice in the back of my mind would hiss out, 'Are you so sure about that?' That was all it took to break me down slowly; just one small doubt. It was a snowball effect and now there was a chorus of whispering voices doubting, some spitting out how worthless I was, and others decided they would wear me down agonizingly making me worry about every single thing I said and overanalyze.

I wished so hard to be numb. If I concentrated hard, I could think of a song to sing, and focus on the lyrics to drown out the voices for a time. I needed white noise to blend them out so desperately.

I was jarred out of the thought by familiar boney fingers snapping in front of my face to get my attention.

" **hey. jo you alright? youre looking pretty pale and ive been calling your name for like five minutes.** "

"Sorry," I ran my hand through my hair and forced myself to put on the familiar front I did when confronted while I thought these things. I was not explaining my thoughts right now to him, "I'm alright; I was just daydreaming. What's up?"

He definitely did not buy it but he didn't question it either. " **im curious why you seem to be dragging ass about leaving the underground.** "

"Ouch, hey fair enough question, and I'm guessing that a subtle way to say I've over stayed my welcome?"

" **whoa no i didnt mean it like that, honest,** " He let his guard down and showed his sadness at the accusation I threw at him. I instantly regretted being harsh with him as he added, " **i think that came out harsher than i meant. i was just wondering, you got a life aboveground you probably want to get back to, right?** "

I remembered how miserable I was trying to take care of Nannie and how worthless I felt most of the time; scoffing at the thought of wanting to go back. I opened my mouth to say no as I thought of Chris; and regret filled my entire being. He was most likely so upset, I had forgotten all about what I did, and so much guilt came flooding over me I physically had lay my head back.

"Chris… Oh god, what have I done to you, Chris?" I couldn't feel the tears stripping down my cheek as I quietly mourned. I could hear Sans calling my whole name now instead of my nickname, but I was too far gone, lost in the wave of remorse and blame. In my mind I could still see all of our late night drives together when we would talk about the day and the moments where he would do something as simple as put his hand on my shoulder to reassure me. His patience with my mental sickness, his support through it all, and his unconditional love.

At some point I had begun to hysterically sob, my legs were pulled up against my chest as much as I could as I rocked back and forth, and quietly whispered Chris name into the night between caught breaths. Around me Sans was attempting to calm me and Papyrus had woken up from the noise. I could feel the faint sensation of a few hands on me, then someone was lifting me somewhere, and when I was put back down I wasn't let go. Someone was cradling me to their rib cage and there was a faint orange glow above me.

I was wailing now and screaming while I asked myself how I could have done this to him; while someone rubbed my back. My eyes darted upwards in the dark of the room, finally noticing Papyrus through a watery view, and I pounded onto his chest angrily.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITH MYSELF, PAPYRUS?" Instead of reacting to my anger with his own; he simply allowed me to tire myself out which I did fairly fast. I buried my face into the crook of his shoulder and mumbled, "I don't know what to I'll do if he killed himself. I won't be able to live with myself"

"Joanie," It was the first time he had ever used my name instead of addressing me as 'human', "I don't understand what is wrong, but I do understand you are hurting, and I am here for you."

"I didn't fall down the hole." The silence was deafening and my thoughts were whispering, 'He's judging you. See what you did now they'll think less of you.' This poor innocent skeleton that's always filled with positivity and joy looked genuinely confused. Sans was beside the bed from what I could see, his right eye was burning blue, and while his brother wasn't getting the painted picture his face lit up with a pitiful look.

"I don't understand-"

"I know you don't Papyrus," I looked away from them both and pushed away so I could pull my legs back to my chest, "You're too precious and positive to understand. I didn't fall down the hole because that would imply it was on accident. I threw myself down the hole."

"Why would you do that? The fall could kill yo-"

" **Papyrus,** " Sans interrupted his brother before he could continue. The tall skeleton's face was mixed with misery and confusion as his sweet brain tried to justify why I would want to die. When I spied a look at Sans, the look on his face made my heart stop, and I instantly regretted saying anything. His eye sockets were normally accompanied by a white dot as his eyes; but right now they were devoid of any light. His normal grin was gone and I could tell I was about to have a bad time, " **Stop.** "

I watched Papyrus nod his head and look down at me with sorrow in his eyes. Laying backwards some into his chest, I pulled my legs up to curl up some, and watched as Sans scooted onto the bed to place a hand on my head.

" **Listen jo,** " I wiped at my eyes as he spoke tenderly, " **I kind of figured you weren't in very good shape, kid. I mean… You didn't do a very good job at hiding it. I know it isn't easy but we are here for you.** "

"YEAH! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS HERE FOR A FRIEND!" Papyrus was in full rev it seemed; which made me giggle at how excitable he was. I kissed both of their cheeks, pulling the two adorable skelebrother's into the bed, and curled up in the safety of them both happily. Papyrus started to protest at the amount of people in his race car bed, when Sans cut him off with a wave and a shh'ing motion as I drifted off to sleep.

 **-Sans P.O.V-**

 _I picked up my head to scan the room and confirmed I was back in_ **His** _lab. The machines hummed noisily, the first thing I noticed was the DETERMINATION Extractor sitting on, and a tall figure standing beside it taking notes. The urge to run away was almost too great; but my body stayed put and instead stood slowly. Everything was a greyscale color except for the liquid seeping out of the machine which was an outstanding cherry color. '_ **no… not this…** _' I began to run towards the figure to stop them from consuming the liquid. I was too late. The glass fell to the ground as I watched their body shake furiously. Their spine pushed out of their lab coat, a long tail knocked me out of the way, and I watched them fuse into a huge hound as their front arms merged into bone claws._

 _"_ **Don't make me do this, bro,** _" My statement was rewarded with the elongated skull turning towards me to let out a bellowing roar. His left eye light was burning a bright blue and the other was burning a bright orange; I barely dodged a swipe from his claws in time, "_ **Fuck!** "

 _I summoned a barrage of attack bones, slinging them towards the figure, and I watched as they hit their mark but didn't even leave a dent. Cursing quietly and throwing a few blue attacks in the mix; I teleported to dodge the jaws that were thrust to close around my middle. The hound let out another aggravated cry as I surrounded it with my blue aura to pick it up off the ground and throw it around the room._

-Joanie's P.O.V-

I was roused out sleep in the dark room by the sound of one of the brothers grunting angrily. I sat up to blink for a few moments, the bed lifted on one side as one of the two got up, and I swiped at my eyes to see it was Sans. His eye sockets were closed yet he had gotten up (in his sleep?) and was standing in the middle of the room. I got up silently and padded over to him to touch his shoulder gently; but he ducked from my touch to roll a bit away from me.

" **Fuck!** " His voice was rough and the curse was muttered out as I watched several bones materialize. My soul popped out of my chest with force, as I stared wide eyed at the attack coming towards me, and I struggled to dodge it in vain. My shoulder was hit multiple times and I cried out in pain which caused Papyrus to rouse out of his sleep.

"HUMAN?" I turned towards Papyrus long enough to get caught off guard by an attack, the spot it slammed into reverberated in my back and I cried out as I fell to the ground, "SANS! SANS STOP!"

Papyrus had run over to his brother in an attempt to snap him out of his sleeping night terror; but as soon as his hands fell around his waist Sans teleported away from his grasp. My vision was fading in and out some, the taller brother called out to Sans again, and I felt myself being lifted off the ground by a blue aura. The room was spinning as I felt myself slam into the drywall and it seemed to groan in protest. Another throw against the wall and this time my back was on the receiving end. There was another wind up, but before I could slam face first into the wall again, I felt another aura wrapping around mine as Papyrus' orange glow struggled to keep me still.

"SANS! THAT'S ENOUGH! WAKE UP BROTHER!"

-Sans P.O.V-

 _Between throwing the hound against the wall I observed the cracks in the skull with guilt. The lab walls were breaking apart from the force and I felt tears pool down my face at the sight._

 _"_ **WHY? WHY COULDN'T YOU FIND A WAY TO BREAK THE BARRIER THAT DIDN'T END IN YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?** _" I cried out angrily as I held the figure still. It was yelling out and thrashing its maw uselessly. The cracks were seeping blood, both of our eyes leaking now, and I felt the GasterBlaster appear beside me. I choked back a sob as I charged the beam and watched the hounds eyes widen but still growl lowly, "_ **YOU'RE A MONSTER NOW! LOOK AT WHAT DETERMINATION HAS DONE TO YOU!** "

 _The Blaster fired a long lasting line of beam until I had no more magic to give out. The feeling of someone roughly shaking me brought me out of my violent sobs as I found myself in the middle of Papyrus' room._

-Joanie's P.O.V-

Papyrus was continuing to scream at his brother when Sans finally spoke again.

" **WHY? WHY COULDN'T YOU FIND A WAY TO BREAK THE BARRIER THAT DIDN'T END IN YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF,** " My chest felt like it was going to split open from the pain and coughs wracked through my body as I spit out something that tasted like copper. Sans was holding back sobs as I lifted my head when I heard a mechanically loud whirling noise; both Papyrus and I stared in horror as a dog like skull materialized beside Sans, " **YOU'RE A MONSTER NOW! LOOK AT WHAT DETERMINATION HAS DONE TO YOU!** "

The skulls eye burned a bright blue in the left eye, its jaws opening wide as a white beam appeared, and I barely had time to scream out as the beam ripped into me.

I screamed until I had no air left to scream out to. My skin felt like it was bubbling and boiling underneath the white hot pain Sans was unknowingly sending throughout my body. Without realizing it, I had thrown my hands up to my ears to protect myself from the growing ringing in my ears, only to feel warm liquid pouring out of them both. The world seemed to flash black for a moment and I found myself thinking about my friends, close to me or far away, and I thought about Chris and me spending time together.

Remembering my friends, family, and love filled me with DETERMINATION.

I wasn't aware I had been released and flopped onto the floor like a ragdoll. The scene playing out before me was lost; a tape with no sound. I could barely make out Sans rushing over to me with tears in his eyes. There was Papyrus picking me up and the pain from it all caused me to black out.


	7. Hope Of The Morning

**Chapter Six (Alternative Title: The Hope of Morning)**

When I woke with a start I wondered why I was awake and not dead. My whole body ached as my fingers brushed against the fabric of the skeletons living room couch. 'I don't understand… Maybe it was a dream?' My hands patted various parts of my body but it was fully healed it seemed; only a few dull aches and a headache from hell. I sat up and rubbed at my eyes, something I would do when a migraine would set in like they did and the pressure would make it ease off, and I leaned back on the couch. I slipped my hand in my pocket to find the picture I had stashed of Chris; gazing at it a while thinking about it.

'I think that dream was trying to tell me something.' I stated when I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder. It was Papyrus standing beside me, his expression was burdened with worry it seemed, and I gave him a small smile.

"Hey Papyrus," I felt odd speaking like I couldn't hear myself when I spoke as if I had headphones on with my music turned up. The tall skeleton was moving his mouth but I couldn't hear him speaking. I chuckled a little – I can't hear my laugh? – Nervously and said, "Ha ha Papyrus, very funny. I'm assuming Sans put you up to the practical joke. Now quit pretending like your talking and tell me what's up."

More silent mouth moving and I frowned at him in thought; something was wrong here. He was staring over my shoulder now, still continuing to speak but no sound was coming out, as my mind was struggling to accept the reality of the situation.

"It's not funny anymore, Pap." I grabbed the front of his shirt in desperation, "Please tell me that you're playing with me man. Please tell me I'm not what I think I am." As if to answer my question, his face angled down sadly, and reached out to put a hand on my head sorrowfully. My chest was tightening and tears were silently rolling down my cheeks as he walked over to the dining table to grab a notebook. Once he got back to the couch he was furiously writing something before showing it to me.

'COULD YOU HEAR SANS BEHIND YOU? DID YOU KNOW HE WAS THERE?'

I shook my head and glanced to the other side of the couch where Sans was indeed standing. I felt my body beginning to shake as I spoke softly, "So last night wasn't just a bad dream?"

Papyrus looked torn as he wrote another line down on the paper. 'I DID THE BEST I COULD TO HEAL YOU BUT APPARENTLY THERE WERE COMPLICATIONS WITH YOUR HEARING. I CAN NOT FIX THAT JOANIE. MY HEALING POWERS ONLY WORK ON BONES. I AM SO SORRY.'

"No, don't apologize for this, it can't be helped Pap." Papyrus was handing the pad to Sans, and the short skeleton was writing lazily, as he handed me the pad to read.

'i think you should find somewhere else to go for now. i know you like it here but i dont trust myself. if i had killed you...'

My heart broke and I forced myself to stop crying; I made myself be strong. I stood up from the couch and briskly walked to Sans room to gather my clothes. The drywall was damaged on both sides from the aftermath in Papyrus' room as I passed it; and I felt my heart pounding as I picked up a heavy down jacket of mine for the winter weather. Once I got back downstairs I could see the two skeletons were engaged in a conversation, as I tapped onto the taller skeletons shoulder Papyrus turned, and I hugged his waist and thanked him. I stepped back and took my forehead to press against Sans the cool skull of his tenderly; and I could see his silent tears fall which I wiped away before I stepped to the door.

The cold air hit me hard as I struggled to put on my jacket the door shut. There was no sound of the wind in my ears, I could no longer hear the various monsters talking as I walked to Grillbys, and when I entered the bar to sit down on a stool the bright warmth of the bartender greeted me. I could see his mouth moving and it only made me cringe a little.

"Do you have something for me to write on?" I hoped I wasn't screaming since I couldn't gauge how loud my voice was. I watched him nod and slip his hand into a pocket to pull out a blank order notepad. I wrote quickly, 'I can't hear anything. I've gone deaf. Long story. Do you know anyone who can teach me sign language so I can communicate?'

His eyes read over the words with a mix of anger and sadness, once he had finished Grillby looked back up to me, and with a quick nod as he wrote out something. The pad was passed back to me after a time and I read his careful neat handwriting.

'I can teach you. Do you have somewhere to stay?' I answered with a shake of my head and his expression darkened for a moment. I assumed he was putting the pieces of what happened together, as I spoke softly in hopes only he could hear, "If you're thinking what I think you are, don't be upset at him, because it wasn't his fault." His warm ungloved fingers wrapped around my hand momentarily before he gestured for me to follow him.

The upper story of the bar surprisingly was a small apartment area, as I scanned the living room and kitchen thoughtfully Grillby was taking my coat and hanging it by the door, and I began to note how cold it was in here. I guess when you're literally a walking flame; heating isn't really an issue. He must have noticed me shiver as he strode over to the fireplace and lit it by touching it.

"That's a pretty neat trick." I hated speaking without being able to hear myself but Grillby didn't seem to mind. He smiled at me and took down a book from the shelf off to the side. I glanced at the spine of it. 'How to Sign' was in bold letters. There was a warmth on my forehead from the burning monster, the blush spreading over my face as my eyes caught his, and he made a gesture for me to read. I assumed he wanted me to start while he dealt with customers downstairs so I nodded to him obediently; pulling up my legs and getting started.

I stayed with Grillby for so long that I had lost count of the weeks; as I continued to learn sign from him. For the very first week I stayed out of his way and upstairs as I forced myself to soak in as much knowledge as I could. Whenever he would close up the bar and we would go back upstairs; the first thing I did was explain the situation. I asked him to be kind and understanding with Sans, the whole thing happened while he was sleep-attacking sort of, and I knew he was trying to protect me even if that meant keeping me away from him. I warned him of my night terrors and the things I dealt with without my medication. The entire time Grillby had taken it surprisingly well as he assured me I would always have him to talk to if I needed to. He got to know my story some, as we slowly grew closer, and I felt like I could tell him anything without judgement.

I had gotten used to sitting in the soft reclining chair when Grillby practically dragged me downstairs to study. He had grown worried about my lack of communication with anyone else, so after that I began to sit behind the bar, and I would sign out various sentences. Occasionally when there was a lull in customers; Grillby would quiz me on things I had learned to make sure they stayed fresh in my mind. I had plenty of moments of pure frustration, it felt like I was learning how to write all over again, but no matter how frustrated I got he was always there to give me encouraging words and push me onwards.

I was signing with much more precision now and I no longer needed my "cheat sheet" I had called it to converse with some of the customers and the bartender. I had begun to help Grillby with orders and at the same time practice my sign. When the shop was closed and we both headed up to his living quarters, most of our conversations consisted of talking about various things in our lives we were curious about, and I grew to learn more about the gentle flaming giant. He had been an only child too and his father had died in the war against humans and monsters. His mother gave up teaching history to the monster children to run his father's bar and whenever she grew too old to run it he took over for her. I was stunned to learn that he wasn't straight either. Turns out Grillby played both fields; and I then explained I was pansexual myself (and then explained that that meant I didn't care what gender you were or if you even identified as a gender).

He also explained he was far older than I thought he was but that monsters also aged differently than humans did. While we had a birthday every year to celebrate our birth, boss monsters only age when they have children and their children age, and all other monsters seem to be on a regular aging system but they tend to live longer than most humans. He taught me the differences between monsters was they were primarily made of magic while humans were made of water; their determination was also stronger than any monsters maybe even some boss monsters.

The amount of books he had was overwhelming. Sherlock Holmes, Nancy Drew, Dean Kootz, and so many more mystery novels; there were even some Shakespeare stuck in the back. It turns out that not only was Grillby a huge mystery novel lover, but he also had a lot of human history books, and I could picture him being a great history teacher. I was never was one to pay attention to history but watching him sign so animatedly about different major history points and the ins and outs of the situation explaining why this happened or that happened always made me smile.

I had taken the arm chair in the living room today, a book on monster history in my hands, and my reading glasses were perched onto my nose. I had noticed little things since my hearing had been gone that I hadn't before. Grillby explained it as my mind rewiring itself to compensate for the loss of one of my five senses. Whenever he was cooking, even if I was all the way downstairs taking orders, I could smell whatever he was cooking much farther than I could before I lost my hearing. I chalked it up to nonsense at first; until I noticed I had started having better reaction timing. I had never been particularly graceful or quick on my feet. In fact I was the complete opposite. It had been a long day and Grillby was practicing a new drink, and he was joking around a bit more than usual by sliding me the drink across the bar, and that's when it happened. Instead of being ready to grab it; I had been bent down fixing something. When my head popped back over the bar there was a shot glass flying down it and was on its way to the floor. I reached out, fully expecting to miss it, but instead I clutched it into my hands albeit the wrong way. There might have been a liquid mess but no glass.

My eyelids were getting heavier while I tried to focus on a chapter about monster culture when I could feel familiar warm hands on my eyes.

"Hmmm," I felt a smile tugging on my lips lazily and could smell Grilbys acquainted scent of burning amur maple as I joked, "I wonder whose here. Is it Dogessa?"

The hands were lifted from in front of my eyes and a grinning Grillby stood in front of me with one of his hands behind his back.

{Very funny. I got you a present.}

{A present? You shouldn't have! You're too sweet.} I signed back quickly as I wiped the feeling of sleepiness away and sat up in the chair. The present was perfectly wrapped, with a beautiful green bow on the top, and I sat and stared at for longer than I cared to admit. I was always one to love suspense. I carefully unwrapped it to find two things, one was a beautifully blank sketch book, and the other was a smaller black box. Once I had gotten the box open I was so stunned I almost dropped it. It was the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen. Its chain was a shimmering white gold, the stone in the middle was in the shape of a flame, and the stone itself was the most burning red looking Garnet I had ever laid my eyes on. I was trying to find words to say but I was speechless for the first time ever in my life. I just kept looking back and forth between the gifts and Grillby for probably longer than he liked.

{Did I mess up?} He signed out slowly with a sorrowful look on his face and I was sure I was about to break my neck shaking my head so violently no.

{No, you didn't I promise,} I slid the gem into my hand thoughtfully. It was pretty sizable and was at least the size of my thumb. I held it out to him as my expression of happiness faltered, {But before you give me this I need to be one hundred percent honest with you. And then you can decide, okay?}

With his normal patient nod, although I could see he was a little disappointed, he took his seat beside me in his own armchair as I began.

{Before I threw myself down into the monsters lair, I lived Aboveground, and I was absolutely miserable most of the time. That much you know. What you don't know is that Aboveground… I have a husband.} The air seemed to hang for a moment as Grillby slipped a hand through his hair and I continued, {His name is Chris, and he and I took care of his grandmother, but I hated it. I've never been very good at taking care of myself let alone someone else… I dealt with a whole lot… I don't even know when we finally get out of the Underground he will still be alive with the way time works differently between the two… And I'm also afraid of the possibility that because of my… Suicide attempt he might have…}

I put my hands in front of my face and sagged into the chair. I might have trailed off but I knew he got the general idea of what I was implying. I wanted to deny it, every fiber of my being hoped he was up there holding out, and doing better for himself. The tension was too much and my anxiety was kicking in, I could feel my chest tightening and the room getting smaller, but just like Grillby always did I felt his warm fingers wrap around mine in a comforting gesture. His other free hand took my chin gently to lift my eyes to his.

{I understand.} I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks and whenever he brushed them away I saw steam roll from his hand as he winced but continued, {Does my love for you make you uncomfortable? I do not wish to ever upset you so if it does; all you must do is tell me.}

I thought about this, lifting up my first finger as a gesture to give me a moment, and picked myself up off the chair signing {Let me think on this?} He nodded dutifully and I slipped out the front with a sigh.

I had a favorite spot of mine, right outside of Snowdin at the beginning of the Waterfall that I enjoyed to sit at and think, and today it was going to be put to good use. I sit down and closed my eyes and imagined the sound of babbling water behind me as particles of gem floated lazily through the air.

'How do I feel?' My eyebrows burrowed downwards and I felt myself torn, 'Chris was the only one I thought about for so long. I didn't even know I could feel like this with anyone else.'

Not to mention the time differences between the two places. It had been at the very latest three months Aboveground; but Underground the days were longer and the nights were longer. There was more than a 24 hour day here in the Underground. There's no telling how long I'll be down here for so I may never see him again. I pulled my knees to my chest with a deep sigh, busying myself with the train of thought to either live in the moment or stay locked into the past, as it was I was so lost in thought that I didn't see a familiar sight until I was being tapped on my shoulder.

I jumped hard until I saw a short boney skeleton with his jacket unzipped smiling down at me. He seemed to open his mouth to talk, then remember that I couldn't hear before signing, {What are you doing sitting out here by yourself? It's dangerous.}

{Thinking.} I picked up a tiny piece of gem rock from the ground and pushed it around in my hand for a moment as he sat himself beside me.

{I want to say sorry for what happened… I also know me apologizing ain't going to bring back your hearing though.} He seemed to be bothered by it and his signing was slow and clumsy as if to confirm the thought. 'So he's not a complete poker face I see.'

{I forgive you.} The skeleton smiled and began to sign out a sentence before I interrupted him, {But I need you to stay away from me Sans.}

'There goes that poker face.' I thought smugly as I watched his white pupils dissipate and his eyes stay hollow like that for a while as we sat in silence. I was never a fan of awkward silences as I sat up and dusty my behind; I tossed my first and second fingers in the air signing 'PEACE' and then spelling 'O-U-T' to where Sans was as I trekked back to the house.

I didn't expect to glance back in front of me and see him there. I wasn't afraid of him, if anything I was more annoyed right now than anything, as I had serious answers to give someone who I felt was much more important than Sans. We had a stare down for a short time as I signed 'What?' quickly; only for him to answer with a small shrug. I brushed past him and crossed from the Waterfalls to Snowdin again when I felt his presence magically. He was following me I was sure of it; but he wasn't going to act out from what I could tell. My only concern was why he felt the need to bother me when he clearly wants me safe and the only way for me to be safe is to be away from him.

The door was still unlocked when I got back to the bar, as I took my familiar route to the upstairs house, and saw Grillby sitting by the fire with the book he had been reading. I stepped as quietly as I could manage and slipped his glasses off to slide my hands in front of his eyes this time. I felt his body vibrate a laugh and watched his flames crackle like they did in tune.

{I wonder who this could be?} He signed but instead of answering took my hands and kissed the palms of them tenderly. I was aware of the big grin I had on my face, as his eyes seemed to see right through me, and all he asked was, {Have you decided?}

Instead of answering him, I pulled him to stand up, and kissed the back of his hands. My hands were on the sides of his face as I inched closer; the heat radiating from his was a relaxing warmth. I closed my eyes as our lips met; one of my hands gripping the back of his opened button up shirt and the other was wound around his flaming wisps of hair. I could feel the vibrations from my hand on his back of his groans of pleasure, one of his hands was cradling my face lovingly, and I parted my lips slightly as our tongues met. The texture was unreal and not like a human tongue. It was burning hot and it was almost like the flames would lap at my own tongue from his.

I had forgotten to breathe when we pulled apart and my head was spinning. His long fingers trailed my lips as I shivered; his eyes were hungrily watching me. I leaned up to kiss him and trailed my fingers along his chest, but this time I backed away, and worked his bottom lip between my teeth with care. The fingers felt his chest shake as a moan escaped him and I couldn't help but smile. I trailed kisses all the way down his jaw, his neck I chose to slide my tongue against ever so gently, using not only the tip but flattening it too as another moan escaped him and I saw him mouth my name out.

In the middle of trailing more kisses and licks down his chest, wanting to savor every inch of him, I was picked up and thrown over his shoulder softly. I gave a little squeal and pretended to bang on the back of his back with my fists before I started to massage his flexing muscles. I didn't get very far into the massage as I was put down to stand in front of his king size bed; his lips glued to mine and his hands were trailing down my neck. The heat was wavering from several different temperatures from luke-warm to boiling occasionally making me moan out in painful pleasure. I was discarding my shirt to the side, as I felt his tongue slide to my neck to suck and lick, and I couldn't hold it back any longer crying out his name. His fingers were expertly unclasping my bra as I brushed against the stiffness in his pajama pants; and as my bra fell his tongue continued to trail lower.

I was fighting to get his shirt off, when I finally succeeded I was picked up yet again, and laid flat on my back on the comfortable sheets of his bed. Grillby's tongue lapped against my hardened nipples while his other hands fingers trailed along my belly to trace it; I felt my hips raise as I whimpered out his name. One of my hands gripped his hair and the other the sheets, his kisses and tongue sending me over the edge on its own, and I felt myself closing in on an orgasm already.

"I-I'm going to…" I was panting when his free hand found my sensitive wet folds between my thighs. I lifted my hips as if to beg him but instead he chose to trail along the lips of my pussy, "Ah! I-I can't take it… I'm… So c-close."

His lips parted from my nipples and slid down my pants and soaked underwear while I groaned in protest. My legs were parted so he could see my vagina, as he bent down and slid each hand around my thighs, and his tongue entered me roughly. I cried out his name and bucked my hips in the rhythm of his tongue lapping at my clit; my legs had begun to quiver. Between the warmth of his tongue, the warmth of his breath, and my budding orgasm I felt my whole body shaking in pleasure. I lost all control of my moans and cries of pleasure when he slid two fingers inside to rub against my g-spot with precision.

"Ahhh fuck! Mhhmphh… G-Grillby…" I could only pant out and I cried out as he turned up the heat on his tongue for a second. I felt my climax wash over me, my whole body shook for a moment, and I could feel Grillby lapping my sensitive fold as I shivered. His body was burning brightly in the darkness of the room, as he laid down beside me, and I curled up to his side, feeling my legs still tingling and shaking. His hand picked up my chin and I tilted my head up as our lips met. I could taste myself on him, I slid my leg over his chest so I could straddle him as our lips were locked together, and I could feel his bulge throb against my back.

My hands were stroking the fabric of his pajamas on his inner thigh; his moans were vibrating underneath my thighs and his bulge twitched in anticipation. I was enjoying toying with his sensitive areas as I felt his hands inch up to my breasts; his fingers gripping and teasing my nipples to goad me on. I fumbled to slip my hand down his pj's and grip his cock, all the while he struggled to get rid of his boxer briefs and pajama pants, and I stared in awe at the fully erect penis of Grillbys'. It was a burning red color, the same texture it seemed to be as his tongue, and the pre-cum dripping from the tip looked like molten lava almost. I hesitated for a moment, scared I would burn myself, as I glided the flat of my tongue to lap it up eagerly. It didn't burn me, it was much warmer than I remembered humans cum though, and it had a sharp almost spicy taste to it. I licked from the base to the head of his member tantalizingly; each broad lick was rewarded with a small amount of cum dripping down the base.

I lifted myself and positioned over his long cock, teasing the head between my folds, as I watched Grillby writhe in desperation and quickly sign, {I want you, Joanie, no more teasing please. I cannot take it any longer.} A grin broke out as I slid the tip in and gyrated my hips; every time he buckled his hips upwards I would inch farther away. His flames were dancing and I could tell from the movements in his chest he was losing control.

I was so enamored watching him, I didn't expect a rope made of fire to wrap around my arms, and it forced him deeply inside me. I cried out in pleasure as he stretched inside me. His eyes were twinkling mischievously at his trick; and I felt my breasts moving in rhythm. His fingers were digging into the base of my hips, as his hips rose every time the blanket of fire shoved me downwards, and I could feel from his rough thrusts my vagina tightening around him after wave of pleasure rose and peaked. My hands were freed from the blanket and I laid them on his chest, the vibrations from his moans and pants pushing me to my peak, as my legs shook from the force of the orgasm. Our eyes were locked and I watched him mouth, "I am going to cum." I nodded while I panted out, his pace was quickening and I felt like the friction was going to drive me wild, Grillby took one of his hands and placed it on my chest like I was doing his to hear my heartbeat. With his head tilting back and moaning out loudly, I felt his muscles tense and his cock twitch inside me, his cum filling me with warmth to the brim and it made me shiver.

I could feel him lifting me off him and I began to protest but before I could his juices dripped out of my folds and onto his chest. I couldn't help but giggle at the face he made, licking up the mess he made, and I swung off his chest to cuddle close to his side. I was tracing my finger along one of his arm muscles absentmindedly when I noticed he had put the necklace by his bedside table. In a smooth motion, he put it on me and clasped the back together, taking my face in his hands as we kissed tiredly.

{I am always captivated by your beauty.} Grillbys' hand cradled my face and placed his forehead against mine in an affectionate gesture, {I care about you more than I've cared about anyone in a long time.}

{My heart is yours, Grillby,} I struggled against a yawn and closed my eyes against the crook of his arm as the smell of burning maple comforted me into a lull of sleep, {I don't want to lose you.}


	8. Beware Of The Man Who Speaks In Hands

**Chapter Seven (Alternative Title: Beware The Man Who Speaks In Hands):**

The feeling of someone gripping my chest roused me out of sleep early in the morning; I wiped the sleep away from my eyes and saw Grillby's arms wrapped around my waist as his head laid on my shoulder and some of my bare breasts. He had apparently toned his magic down from our romp last night, as I didn't feel like I was boiling under his embrace thankfully, and I stretched while my bones popped in protest from the stiffness. I could feel how sore my thigh muscles were when they flexed and it made me wince. Shimming out of Grillby hug and swinging my legs off the bed; I strode to the bathroom to run through my normal morning routine.

As I was brushing my teeth, I saw a circular burn mark on my neck, and I almost choked on the toothpaste in surprise. He had given me a burn hickey! Finishing brushing my hair and pulling it into a pony tail; I threw on his white button up shirt and some of my underwear to go make breakfast. I had just finished the pancakes as I felt warm hands on my hips and a flurry of kisses on my neck. I swatted at Grillby and placed the last stack on the dining table.

{Good morning, love.} I had trouble not tracing his biceps as he pushed away to sit down at the table, {Breakfast looks amazing. Thank you.}

{I didn't mind. You're always welcome.} I kissed his cheek and sat down opposite of him, putting the book I had been reading the night before on the table, and we both ate hungrily. I had just finished a chapter when one of his hands found mine, {Going to go ahead and open up the bar?}

{I trust I'll see you once you get to a stopping point?} I giggled and nodded, signing to him I wanted to clean up the mess I made to make breakfast first, but he should go ahead and get the bar opened. He bent down to give me one last long kiss and departed into the bedroom. I could never help myself from watching him as he left.

Another month passed by, the two of us had become inseparable, even while we both worked we were always close by. I had fallen head first for the bright monster. Sometimes, on slower days, we would close up shop early and trek out into the snow together. My night terrors were still present but they were much easier to deal with. If I woke Grillby up crying out or tossing around in my sleep; I would always be woken from my nightmare gently and pulled close to his chest. I took comfort in the vibrations from his chest, even if I could not hear him sing any longer, as his singing voice was a profound bass that shook through his body and I would let the ambiances from his music calm me back to sleep.

Every day was a learning experience for both of us.

The days passed by with all of our normal customer's day in and day out. I had gotten used to working with everyone, when a new face showed up one day, needless to say the shock took my breath away. It was another human. They were only a child and they came to the bar with Sans. Their brown hair hung almost to their shoulders, they had on a blue and lavender stripped sweater, and I happened to see them signing something to Sans as they sit about a flower?

Grillby was talking to them through sign as they ate their burger hungrily. All of the monsters seemed to know of the child, Lesser Dog even stopped playing poker with himself long enough to allow the kid to pet him, and then they headed out of the bar. I practically ran to Grillby's side with a mixture of fear and happiness once the child and Grillby were done talking and the child walked out.

{Why is there another human here? What's going on? What are they planning to do?}

{They are going to break the barrier,} Grillby smiled down at me and kissed my cheek, {We will be free finally.}

I was so stunned. They looked to be only ten years old, the monsters were just going to leave breaking the barrier up to a child? I felt my face pull together in thought and disbelief.

{The monsters are going to let a child try and liberate the entire monster race?} He took my hands in his and kissed the back of them once I was done. I knew he could sense my worry and see it through my fidgeting.

{The child isn't the first one to try,} I watched him attentively as I had never even bothered to ask about the other souls that had stepped down into the Underground, {You've been the oldest human to ever set foot down here. All the other were children. Some wanted to go home and gave up after they realized the cost, some didn't make it and died in battle, and others only wanted to live among the monsters.}

{If a human wants to live among monsters… Can they without being attacked?} I nervously bit my lip as I signed out, {I don't want to be taken away from you.}

{You can. Most monsters are very accepting and only a few view it with… Harsher unacceptance.}

{What happens to my SOUL down here after I die?} The question hung in the air. I could tell I had asked Grillby something he wasn't looking forward to answering. After reading so much monster lore, I vaguely remember reading SOUL's work a different purpose down here than Above; but it hadn't elaborated further.

{Humans SOUL's aren't like monsters. Human SOULs aren't their entire being; the SOUL just houses its essence.} I gave him sort of a confused look and he responded with, {Think of it like this: Your SOUL is a block of butter and death is a hot frying pan. When your SOUL hits the pan, it's going to melt into a buttery puddle, right? If you were to take it off the hot plate and let it cool; there will still be a puddle of butter in the pan. That is the differences between monster SOUL's and human SOUL's.}

{So even if my SOUL is gone my body can remain here? And if I wish for my SOUL to be used a certain way when I die is that possible?}

{We've never had a human bother to ask that.} Grillby seemed lost in thought for a moment. I had heard of monster funerals being spreading their ashes over something they loved; not much different from some human funerals and it had got me thinking. My body would take much longer to disappear than a monsters, since their body was composed of magic, and mine composed of flesh and water. {I don't suppose it's against any rules for you to have those wishes expressed and honored upon your death.}

{I want one of two things,} I held up a finger to signify to wait one moment and jogged upstairs. Grabbing a pen and paper to run back downstairs, I sat it down and signed, {I don't know if either of these have been done before. You can either absorb my SOUL once I die so I can live on inside you and you can literally have my heart then.} I smiled weakly as his face gazed at me sadly at the thought. I kissed his cheek and continued, {Or my SOUL can move on. I want to be cremated and have a monster funeral. You know, humans have something like that too, but we just have to be burned and our ashes can be spread on things we love.}

His hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me close to him. Grillby was never one for public displays of affection while we worked other than little kisses, so I was surprised when he pulled his face away from my shoulder, and dipped his head down to forehead bump against mine affectionately.

{I will promise to honor your wishes.} I placed my hand on his chest to feel the accustomed warmth roaring from him instead of signing he spoke as I read his lips, "Now no more morbid thoughts. We have customers waiting, love."

Closing time was quieter than normal, I knew he must have something on his mind, but I also knew he would talk about it when he was ready to. I busied myself with wiping down tables and booths; and I lightly hummed a song as I picked up someone's drink they had left sitting on the table half full. There was a hand on my shoulder, I jumped as I hollered out, and in the motion of jumping doused Grillby accidently with the liquor on his arm. The normal pulse of heat turned into burning heat; and it even seeped into my shoulder as I screamed out. His arm's flames were dancing a blue flame at the top. I couldn't tell if he was in pain or not, as steam rose off his arm slowly, and his body seemed to be reacting by burning hotter.

{Oh my god, babe, are you okay? I'm so sorry! You scared me!} He nodded to me and reached out to touch me. His fingers had cooled down considerably, trailing designs on my neck lovingly, and he smiled a bit before walking upstairs.

I finished up the tables and wiped down the bar before flicking off the light. My feet were hurting so bad I didn't even want to walk up these stairs to the house. Grillby wasn't in his normal arm chair as I passed it to head to our room to get my pajamas on. I glanced over at the covers (fireproof thankfully) to see he had already went to bed; and my face twisted with worry and sadness.

"Scoot over," I waited for a time before he did as I asked nicely. I laid beside him and curled my arms around his chest. I buried my face in his back as I added, "I want to ask you what's wrong so badly, but I'm afraid to, partly because I'm afraid it's my fault and partly because you allow me to have time to sort things out so patiently… I'm just worried… Even if you don't want to talk about it. I just want to be here with you."

Grillby slowly turned and I saw silent long fiery tears trailing down his face. My eyes grew wide at the sight, as I bumped my forehead against his, and kissed away his tears from his face. I could feel my heart breaking when I saw his sorrow. He buried his face between my breasts and clung to me shaking every so often; I rubbed his back and endured the varying heating/cooling his body was doing. When he lifted off me to sit up on the bed, I sat up with him and he reached out to me to hold my hand with one of his.

{I am afraid.}I hated seeing him so miserable and I kissed his hand as he continued, {I am afraid to go to the Surface. If the child succeeds, the monsters are free, but I've never really minded the Underground.}

{If you don't want to go we don't-}

{You don't understand. All of the monsters are eventually going to be Aboveground. I will have to because I won't have any customers left…}

I let us fall into silence as I traced kisses on his hand. I honestly didn't know what to say. I wanted to reassure him that it would be okay, but how can I reassure him, when I myself didn't want to go back to the Surface either? I was biting my lip trying to think of what to say as I decided on, {How about this: We stay for as long as we can, we take weekends off and go visit the Surface and get you used to it slowly, and then when the time comes you can build the bar!}

I must have given him something to think about as it took him a bit to answer me. I had hoped I made him feel better because I absolutely detested seeing him cry.

{I think it could work.}

{Good! I'm just as nervous about going back up to the surface as you are. I feel like I belong Underground, but your business can't survive on no customers, and I don't think you would be happy if you weren't a bartender.} I kissed his forehead and felt his chest vibrate as he leaned back his head to let out a laugh. {Plus I'll be there with you on the surface!}

{Promise?} He leaned down to press his forehead against mine as I answered him with a resounding {Promise.}

I let him curl up to sleep, as I got out of bed, and slipped into something warm. I decided a late night walk wouldn't hurt anything. Snow had started falling at some point as I walked through Waterfall. I could smell the clean water and different flowers that grew in this area along with undertones of freshly dug dirt. Waterfall was best known for its dark cavern like rivers and lakes; as well as what monsters call the wishing room. The gems above on the ceiling in a spot shown like stars in a black night sky and it was the closest the poor creatures could get to a "sky."

My hands were sifting through the different gemstones in the bright blue crystal water; a pastime I would do often to see if any would catch my eye. Normally nothing would, but tonight I saw a beautiful looking black shimmering stone, it might have been rough around the edges but it was _perfect_. I shoved it in my jacket pocket to shift for more when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. As slowly as I could, I lay down flat onto my stomach to watch, the figure was hunched over and wore a black coat. The stone was cutting into my leg as I moved to adjust my leg and when my eyes went back to where the figure was they were no longer there.

I huffed out a breath I hadn't realize I had been holding, getting ready to stand up, as a white face popped in front of me. I fell backwards and threw my hands up; hoping if I made myself look as small as possible the figure would back away. Peeking through my fingers showed me the figure was indeed still there; I could see a crack running down its left eye socket and a crack running up its right eye socket. I lifted my hands away, it didn't want to hurt me or it would have by now, and gazed at the thing cautiously.

{Can you see me?} The figures hands had holes in them both as it signed out to me. I nodded and it smiled softly continuing, {Your SOUL is different. You have magic in your blood.}

{Magic?} My eyes widened and I leaned in to watch their hands sign. They were such a blur I almost couldn't keep up.

{Yes. Your SOUL is different.}

{You said that already.} I held out my hand to his and smiled,{I'm Joanie. What's your name?}

{Names are irrelevant. But I was once known as Gaster so you may call me as such. You are a glitch. An anomaly in the timeline…} Gaster appeared beside me to sit and looked over at me smiling {If you have no objections, may I touch your hand with my hand? I want to check and see if you are the anomaly I believe I've seen.}

{I guess so. As long as it doesn't hurt or anything.} I slid out my hand from my pocket and he closed both of his over mine. I felt a jolt and then blackness all around me.

I was seeing a taller skeleton man, with lazy eyes and a white lab coat on, and he was hunched over reading something. I slowly inched closer to the figure. The entire time he was reading as his small white irises skimmed in his eye sockets. Sitting beside the figure as he finally looked up to notice me; and for a second I was worried he was malicious before a gentle smile played across his face.

{Where are we?} I slipped my hands back into my jacket as I watched him sit down his reading material on the floor.

{Your memories and mine.} As he finished the whole room was dipped with colors so bright and flashing so much I couldn't make it out. Gaster's eye sockets were glowing; one blue and the other orange. He seemed in deep focus, so I left him alone and closed my eyes, it wasn't until I was being shook awoke and gasping for air did I wake. 'Water? How did I get into water?' I struggled to think as I sputtered and coughed.

Gaster hand thumped my back. He looked genuinely worried as his head tilted as if to ask me 'How did you get in here?'

{I don't know what happened. I think I fell asleep?}

{Ah,} He nodded as if he understood. I guess it's a common occurrence with him whenever he does this, {Well, you are _an_ anomaly, but not _the_ anomaly. It's a shame you aren't what I was looking for and right the timeline… What color is your SOUL?}

I concentrated like Grillby had taught me, holding my hands out from in front of me, as I watched my SOUL appear. I could see what looked like tiny stars in the black heart and smoke billowed from it to drip downward and disappear. Gaster's eyes widened and he reached out to make his SOUL appear. We were both stunned into silence. His SOUL was a complete replicated contrast of mine.

{I thought monsters only had white souls? Why does yours look like mine?}

{I am no longer completely monster.}

{So does that mean…?} He nodded to me solemnly and smiled.

{You are no longer just human. Your SOUL is mixed with monster.}


	9. The Night Is Still Young And So Are We

**Chapter Eight (Alternative Title: The Night Is Still Young and So Are We):**

The whole bar was packed today; I was struggling to keep up with orders and watch the child Frisk battle Mettaton on TV. Today was a day I was glad I had gone deaf, or else the noise of the monsters pushed into every space would have been too much, as I had just finished giving a family of Snowdrakes their order.

Grillby was picking up an order or two so I had time to sneak a watch. A tall slender robot stood in front of the child. He had on black shoulder pads with a pink chest piece, where a white heart stood out, and long legs with pink boots. Frisk was posing dramatically and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Oooh, I'm just warming up! But how are you on the dance floor? Can you keep up the pace!? Lights! Camera! Bombs! Things are blowing up!" I read the closed caption of Mettaton stating before flinging bombs and discos with lasers at the child but they just kept dodging it. Grillby was leaning his chin on my head as we watched Frisk get cut by a lightning bolt thrown their way; but she stood tall and posed again despite being hurt. I clapped my hands and cheered with a big smile on my face.

{They are going to win. Then the only thing they should have left is to see Asgore.}

"I believe in them." I stated with determination as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I had apparently lost track of orders in favor of watching Frisks battle; because Grillby eventually went back to work. Most of the monsters were watching the screen with the same awe-struck happiness I was and I know all of them were rooting for the child. She had been so kind to everyone, they all had their stories to tell of how the child had helped them through a particular issue, and I felt proud to watch her win this fight.

Mettaton was taking callers for the milestone of 10,000 viewers. There were so many calls flooding at once he looked as if he was going to cry. He was sparing Frisk! They were going to make it to the end! Gazing out on the sea of monsters, I watched so many of them erupt into blissful expressions, and I felt my own scream of victory rise out of my chest. I was chanting "FRISK, FRISK, FRISK" as I watched all the monsters join in; Grillby was standing off to the side with a smirk on his face.

The booming crowd thinned down finally after over an hour and a half of partying and pure joy. My throat was sore from using it to hoot and holler after the winning battle. The cleanup was much longer than normal days, I barely noticed it though, and eventually joining Grillby upstairs for the day. He was sitting in the recliner, a book about human etiquette and culture opened to a chapter, and I took the armchair opposite of his. The day had been so long between a full house and the early morning magic training session; I was trying to focus on some book about magic but the words were just too blurry from sleepiness.

There was a bright white light. It kept calling me to let them have my SOUL. I insisted on keeping it, of course, I needed it you silly disembodied voice! The direction I was going didn't seemed to matter. It hurt to focus on if I was on the floor or the ceiling from the illusion the white room was creating; almost like staring at the sun too long. A black puddle formed and rose from the ground.

{Hello Gaster.} The hunched over figure seemed to slide his way over and turned his head from one side to the other. A hand reached out to brush my cheek as a thin smile tugged his lips upward.

{You are the key.} His hands were moving at incredible speeds as I barely made out, {You must use the human half of your SOUL to free Frisk.}

{Wait, if I do that, I won't have any humanity left right? Will I die?} I was watching him tilt his head more and another pair of hands grabbed my waist as I yelped out in surprise.

{You will not. Should not. Might not.} His pair of hands connected to his body was signing furiously now. I could see another pair of hands shoot up from the same puddles. A hole seemed to be ripped in the white room from the newest hands where there was nothing but black spinning in circles, {You must go fast.}

I lifted my hands out of his loose grip to sign, {What about you?}

His mouth met mine roughly, I felt something that I thought was a tongue dripping, until the feeling of it sliding down my throat and inside; I forced myself to gag. The liquid was almost too thick to swallow as it struggled down my throat. Gaster pulled me away from him as his black wet tongue slid back into his mouth and quickly signed, {I will help you the best I can.}

I was thrown into the pitch blackness and I felt myself brimming with determination.

I hadn't realized I was no longer falling. Another odd sensation overcome me as I felt like I was being watched; as if to confirm it I barely moved in time as a knife swung my way. I was ducking left and right, tucking and rolling, until I kicked the enemy's legs out from underneath them. They thudded to the ground so I could finally get a good look at them. It was a child that mirrored Frisk almost, the shirt was green primarily with two yellow stripes, and their eyes shown a bright red with almost comical pink round cheeks. They knew their way around a knife that much was sure.

I kicked just as the knife swung to slice at my chest; it went clattering off into the distance while this demonic child laughed and somehow I heard it in my head. 'That laugh…..' It sounded so familiar… I had heard it in my night terrors… The demon summoned a wall of knives to launch at fast speeds towards me. I felt my vision blacken as waves of magic crashed against me, I held onto determination and held my breath, and at the very last second swiped at all of the knives.

'It's useless to fight me. I will always win and I will kill them all.'

They froze in place and turned into dust to spread through the air; as I stopped one wave another came in from both sides. I shot up in the air, pulled my hand in an elaborate gesture, and watched them clatter to the ground then dropped myself back down before the next wave sliced me.

I wasn't ready for the spikes when I hit the ground. My legs hung uselessly, with one final push they sent two long swords down to slice me in half, and right before they hit me I switched SOUL modes. My black SOUL switched colors to a split green heart and used both halves to block the on-coming onslaught. Another SOUL change back to black as I slung out an energy ball dripping black goo; the child side stepped it and shook it's head smiling.

'You missed me.'

I felt my grin widen as I suctioned and forced it to break apart like a shotgun blast. The child didn't move fast enough, several piercing through their form, and then the tar bullets fell to the ground forming puddles.

I had angered the demon as they ran at where I stood. Instead of moving I stood my ground, in one quick motion before I was diced down the middle, I dissolved myself into a black puddle and watched from the other puddles I created as the demon hopped around confused. Time dragged on as they stabbed at puddles uselessly. I almost felt bad for them.

While they were focusing on one, I lifted out of one from behind, and I slung a black tar bubble of massive enough size at their back. I watched them turn around, try to lash out, and get tangled further into my bubble. They were screaming angrily in my head as I approached the black pod; focusing deeply on splitting my SOUL's human and monster characteristics.

'I AM CHARA AND I SHALL LIVE ON! I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE!'

I cried out as my black heart stretched farther until two hearts stood in each hand; one white that was facing upside down and another that was black and facing right side up. I forced the white one into my soul and my whole body shook. I felt like I was scattering across the wind. I willed myself to push my black SOUL into the demons body.

The whole thing happened so slowly. There was a suctioning noise, screaming and thrashing from the demon, and I could barely hear over the racket the child was making someone was whispering in my ear.

"G-Gaster," I heard him mumbling something that sounded like formula as my arm began to melt I screamed out, "I'M MELTING GASTER! HELP ME PLEASE!"

Chara was struggling, but the blackness was absorbing their essence, and I watched as they slowly turned pitch black. My waist was a puddle of multi-colored goo and I was slowly losing senses; and Gaster was shouting something out in my ear. My stomach was gone when I finally could hear him shout, "FOCUS ON A MONSTER FORM."

I closed my eyes and pictured as vividly as I could. I forced the image to become as clear as I could possibly get right as the top of my head formed into the puddle. I held an image of a skeleton body like I had seen before. I was four feet eleven inches and big boned still but not as much. I wore a pastel jacket, washed out petite jeans, and some pastel converses. I was virtually androgenic without clothes to determine what gender I was. Both of my eyes sockets had white iris's but my right eye socket could burn a deep purple. I had pictured my eyes in a constant state of boredom along with fangs on the bottom and top of where my canines were. I sculpted it to match the best I could and I waited. I began to get discouraged until I heard someone tell me to open my eyes.

I did as commanded, the whole room was bathed in black, and my stomach lurched for a moment until it settled. Gaster slithered his way in front of me, wrapping his hands around me before I could get a chance to say anything, and I was thrown into another hole just as the room began to shake apart.

The landing was rough to say the least. I was on the carpet of Grillby and I's home, much to my surprise I could hear fire popping from above somewhere, and I stood up quickly when I heard someone gasping out. Grillby was wearing a terrified expression as I approached him with open arms; and I felt a rope of his fire wrap me still.

"Grillby? It's me, Joanie," I wrapped a hand gently around the rope of flame and I curiously looked down to where it was. I had no skin. I did what any sane person would do. I screamed out as I stared at my boney hand, "HOLYSHITWHATISGOINGON!"

"Y-You are a monster now?" The rope loosened and sat my feet back onto the ground as he stepped carefully over to me, "Slow down. I cannot understand you."

"I met this monster named Gaster and he explained I had monster and human mixed into my SOUL. I was sitting here and I fell asleep. I woke up in a room and he told me I had to split my human and monster SOUL into half and defeat some demonic anomaly thing. And when I did I was melting into nothing and the next thing you know…" I motioned with my fingers over to my new body.

"You are…" Grillby closed the distance between us in a few steps. I could feel his warmth, I felt my face light up in a blush. He was right in front of me now, "Absolutely stunning."

I wrapped my hands around his neck as his mouth pressed against my fanged smile hungrily. I never really could _hear_ how loud his fire roared, until now I thought it just looked pretty, but I was really hearing it now. His whole body sounded like a slow cascade and I felt like I was drowning in his heat. I was being backed into the bedroom and thrown onto the bed. I felt my right eye pulse as I materialized a tongue into my mouth with a purple glow. He caught onto what I was doing and he dipped down wrapping his tongue around mine. I reached to tug at his hair but his hands slammed mine to the bed, his tongue was lapping the bones of my neck, and I tipped my head back to moan out. I wiggled under his tight grip when Grillby bit at my rib cage; I could feel his erection brushing against my pelvis bones. He slid his pants down and tipped it to poke out of the top of it.

"Do you want it?" His voice was gruff as he took his free hand to tease my spine. I cried out in pleasure as he bit at my collar bone, "Do. You. Want. It?"

"Yes," I screamed out as his pants and underwear were lowered to where I could see the majority of his cock. I whimpered as he teased it against my pelvis bone.

"Beg for it." He whispered with a mischievous smile. I could feel him twitching between me as he latched onto one of my ribs; his tongue was working between his lip and I moaned out as he bit down for a moment.

"P-Please," I felt the heat of his cock accelerate and I groaned out, "I-I need you. I n-need it s-so bad—AH!"

I was flipped onto my stomach before I could finish, I could hear Grillbys pants and underwear flop onto the floor, and I lifted and focused on my magic again to materialize a pussy for him. He slammed into me with such primal force that I bit down on the comforter with my fanged teeth. His hands were gripped onto my hip bones as he thrust as deeply as he could, I moaned out when he picked up the pace, his member was rubbing against the wall of my ecto-vagina as I felt myself tense up.

"A-Ahh… Mmmf… You're so t-tight." Grillby groaned out in pleasure as I felt my hands grip the sheets, "You like that?"

"Please…D-don't stop…" I wasn't even aware I was panting with my tongue out; his whole being was filling me up to the brim and I felt like I was going to explode from the heat. His pace picked up again, I could feel his body arching and his muscles tensing, and I gripped harder to the bed and screamed, "D-D-Don't hold b-back!"

"Are you sure?" I moaned out a yes and I heard him chuckle, "Alright then."

His whole body was burning a thousand degrees, I answered the heat increase with a scream, and bit into the comforter to stop myself from crying out again. I had never experienced this with him before. I was sure there would be scorch marks on my bones when we were done. It was like our SOULs were merging together; and I could feel the both of us begin to shake. I moaned his name, felt him twitch at the encouragement inside of me, and moaned again. Grillby brought his hands to my shoulder blades and pulled me up; just as he groaned out my name one last time. We climaxed together, our bodies pressed together, and he leaned his head on my shoulder trying to catch his breath.

We collapsed together on the bed. He kept playing with my spinel bones with one hand, another hand possessively placed around my rib cage, and his leg was wrapped around mine. I could feel his heat die down as we both yawned and fell to sleep.

I was being shook awake and I instantly grumbled out, "No thanks. No one's home right now." and turned to cuddle against the covers. Another jostle. I groaned out and buried my head against the pillow speaking a muffled, "What?"

"The barriers broken."

"WHAT?!" I sat up straight as my whole body roared in shock. I rushed to pick up my clothes to put on, my right eye was aflame reacting to my surprise, as we both stepped out into the snow together. Monsters were _everywhere_. I had never even seen so many as long as I had been down here; but they all seemed to be going in the same direction. Grillby and I stood there for a moment before we both saw Sans trekking back to the direction of us.

" **hey grillz. whose your friend?** "

"I'm Ravie," I interrupted Grillby before he could answer my actual name and saw him give me a questionable look as I added, "Grillby's new girlfriend. Nice to meet you."

" **yo what happened to jo?** "

Grillby answered it with a shrug, the trail of monsters seemed to be thinning down, and we were all silently watching them. I listened as Sans explained the kid had actually broken the barrier only to pass out and everyone had gotten concerned because they started to look like they were having a seizure in their sleep. I lost interest in the conversation as I brought my jacket closer around myself. A small mouse-like monster child was shambling by, I bent down and focused on making a small ball of heat that wouldn't burn the poor creature as it shivered, and slid the ball into her hands thoughtfully. They smiled up at me and ran to join their family enthusiastically sharing the warmth as I waved at them. I conjured up as many more as I could to pass out to anyone who wanted one.

I had handed my last one as I felt Grillby's familiar pulse of magic and fire on my shoulder. We began to follow the end of the trail of people; both of us were silent mostly due to nerves. Snowdin passed as we entered the Waterfall and more monsters joined the long walk to the Surface. There were whispers everywhere from various monsters but everyone whispered the same thing: Frisk had freed them so maybe humans weren't all bad.

"Why Ravie?" I jumped a bit at Grillby's question and stammered for a moment. I wasn't sure why I had chosen to rename myself. I felt like it had been appropriate at the time. Joanie was my human name, but I'm no longer a human, so logically I would need a monster name right?

"I'm not Joanie anymore," I answered looking lovingly in his eyes as our hands entwined, "I am a monster. I thought maybe a monster name would fit better." He still looked confused at why that name in particular was my choice and I giggled as I answered, "It's a font type, silly"

We both picked out an umbrella out of a basket to pass through the next room. It was constantly raining it seemed, as we passed by an opening in the caves you could barely make out the royal castle in the distance, and then we were filing into another cavern entrance where we were asked to put our umbrellas back. A huge sign was welcoming all of us to… Hotlands? I was beginning to understand that the king of these monsters was not very good at naming places. A wave of heat hit and seemed to react to my body; so much so I had to take my jacket off so I had just my sweater on. Grillby was shaking with laughter at my reaction and all I could do was bat at him playfully.

As we passed through the royal castle I began to become more nervous and self-conscious. I had been Underground for so long, I really wasn't sure if I wanted to go back Aboveground, and if I even needed to right now. Grillby looked so calm and I envied his demeanor. A few flame monsters passed by us both. Grillby seemed to know them and stopped to talk while I walked on ahead. Up ahead by the door was the child that liberated all of the monsters, Frisk was standing beside the King and Queen, and I couldn't help but smile.

I felt someone tug at the back of my sweater as I passed through the last room; turning around to see Frisk. I smiled wide and bent down to their height.

{Frisk! You should be proud of yourself and your determination.} I was stunned when they threw their arms around me in a tight hug. They signed close to my chest, away from prying eyes, where only the two of us could see.

{I know you helped me defeat Chara and gave up your humanity in the process of it,} The tender-eyed child gazed up at me with tears of joy in her eyes, {You should be proud of your determination too. This wouldn't have been possible without your help.}

My face was blisteringly hot and I was aware my cheeks were blistered out in a purple blush. Frisk kissed my cheek bones and ran off to join the King and Queen; as I attempted to make myself go further. I had lost sight of Grillby in the crowd, which made me even more nervous, but I was already at the door to the barrier. The hallway that was the barrier was long and it had a lighting effect that made it seem to go on forever. I felt my body pass through the barrier and then there was nothing but white for a few seconds. Everything was too bright, too loud, or too strong smelling. I could hear birds chirping miles away, the sun was just rising in the air, and the smell of thousands of different flowers (it was springtime now?) assaulted my senses.

Monsters all around were 'ooh'ing and 'ahh'ing in sync it seemed; and I shielded my eyes with a sigh. Did I really want to be up on the Surface again? I don't think the monsters understood how terrible humans really were. I glanced around to see if I could find Grillby, I did manage to see the top of his head through the crowd, and saw he was standing with Sans away from the majority of people. I grew curious and slid closer; masking my magical presence the best I could.

"I don't know Sans." Grillby's face was red and glancing away to try and scan the crowd.

" **oh c'mon grillz,** " Sans smile parted into a toothy grin and a blue ecto tongue slid out to waggle at Grillby. I gritted my teeth in anger, trying to hold back from acting out, and felt tears sliding down my face silently, " **you didnt care when you were with jo. it doesnt have to mean anything.** "

'Of fucking course.' I spat out angrily in my head only to add, 'Why did I think of him any differently? At least I found out now…' I plucked off the necklace he had gifted me, snapping the connector so it never worked again, and flung it towards Grillby then turned to blend into the crowd. I could hear him shouting my name – my real name – through the gathering of monsters and it made me hate him more. The edge of the trail had ended and I had finally lost him; I let out a long breath and glanced around.

The camp grounds was where I currently was, the ones I had passed with people cuddled around warm bonfires before, and I felt a twinge of regret as I continued pressing on. I had to get back to my house and make sure Chris was okay. I needed to tell him I was sorry for what I had done; to make sure he was okay one last time. Breaking out into a jog and passing by known landmarks; I could just see the old brick house with Chris truck out in the street. I dipped myself down some, trying to see if I could see him, only to see him sitting out on the screen porch. If I had a heart still it would have been beating out of my chest as I creeped around from afar.

'What if he doesn't believe me?' I tried to control my right eye from glowing purple as it attempted to comfort me, 'Then what am I going to say? How am I going to prove myself? What do I go up and say? 'Hi. You might remember me as Joanie. I'm a monster now.'' I scoffed at my own sarcasm then threw my hand up over my mouth as Chris lifted his head to look around at the noise. His hair was much longer than I remember him keeping it, his beard had grown out considerably, and I could see he had lost a good bit of weight. I had always known him to have constant dark circles under his eyes; but they looked particularly worse than I remembered them.

I took a deep breath and stood up to walk to the screen porch door. My right eye turned back into its normal color, I pulled back on my jacket to make myself less intimidating, and knocked smoothly against the door. His eyes slowly lifted onto my figure to widen in shock and I held my hands palm facing upwards in surrender. He was reaching for something in his pants pocket and I knew he was probably packing heat; so I quickly stated my reasoning for being here before he began to shoot first and ask questions later.

"Hi. I'm not here to do any harm. Chris, right?" His head bobbed up and back down slowly. I took a deep breath in and spoke slowly, "This is not going to be easy to explain. I know you won't want to believe me, but I'm Joanie."

Chris expression darkened considerably, I don't think I had ever seen him look so angry, and I flinched as he threw whatever trinket he had in his hand across onto the brick wall as it shattered. The rocking chair I loved to sit in knocked over because of how fast he got up. He seemed to be in a calm state of anger; and his face was so close to mine I started to shake.

"Joanie is dead."

"No I am not," I saw his hand raise to hit me and I grabbed hold of it with a purple aura, "And I can prove it. I met you at Woodall's when I would go and get gas after work. The first time I ever got you to try a SquirrelNutZipper it broke one of your rotted teeth out and instead of getting mad like I thought you laughed even though I felt terrible. Or how about whenever I would go over to your house after work we would lay on your bed and I would watch you play Mass Effect…"

I lifted my eyes up to look at him but immediately stopped speaking when I saw how broken he looked with tears streaming down his face. I let go of his hand and reached out to touch his face with my hand; and he flinched away cautiously.

"It's okay, if you're uncomfortable with me touching you I won't, but I won't hurt you I promise."

"What happened to you?" I looked down again and away from his face. 'I didn't think I would get this far… What do I do now? Tell him the truth, I guess.' Letting out a breath of air and motioning for him to sit down; I sat down in my favorite rocking chair while Chris waited patiently for me to explain.

I told him without holding back anything what happened. The fall into the mountain, my SOUL splitting into two, and how I had to give up my humanity to help save the liberator of the monsters from a demonic copyself. I explained how I was stuck being a monster now. I broke down crying when I talked about Grillby and how I was a fool for trusting anyone. I rubbed my eyes, but I forgot I no longer had eyes, and ended up shoving my palms into my eye sockets making me more upset.

"I don't expect your forgiveness," I sat up and held my arms out in a hug gesture, "The only thing I want is one hug and then if you want I will go away or stay."

I could tell he was considering both options; and I respected that. I wasn't sure if word had reached about the monsters being free now, so this might have been a complete shock, but mostly I was just glad he was still alive. I tried to give him a smile but it ended up looking too sad to be an actual smile.

Chris stepped towards me, bending down to my height, and lifted me up off the ground to hug me. I squeaked a bit in surprise and my whole face felt hot as his strong arms held me into a tight embrace. Before I could stop myself, I was sobbing and wailing into his shoulder, and I felt his hand rub against my spine. I would stutter out an "I'm so sorry," or an "I missed you so much," every few seconds in between hiccups and tears.

I was put down all too fast; I forced myself to stop crying as I mentally prepared myself for him to tell me to leave. His brown eyes always seemed to pierce down into my soul and right now wasn't an exception to that rule.

"I just found out that you didn't die and you think I'm going to make you leave? I mean, I'm still a whole lot of pissed off, but you have to promise me something if I let you stay."

"Anything!" I practically gasped the word in surprise. Chris hands cupped my cheek bones as he leaned down so we were face-to-face.

"You won't ever leave me like that again. Please?" I was crying again as I nodded my head. His lips pressed against my lipless mouth and when nothing happened he frowned a bit, "I don't know what I was expecting… You're a skeleton so you've got no lips."

I broke out into a laugh through my tears at his reaction. His eyes widened as my right eye glowed a bright purple color, I tipped open my mouth so he could watch the ecto-tongue form, and waggled it suggestively at him as it hung passed my fangs.

"I've got my tricks," I said as his mouth connect with mine again but this time open. I could feel his body tense when I ran my skinless phalanges through his hair, my tongue was wrapping around his, and he pulled me close with a grunt as our mouths pulled away, "I missed you so bad. I'm so glad you're okay."

"I missed you too." He was planting kisses on the top of my head and I was trying not to blush at how cute it was when I heard the meow of Osie as she rubbed against my shin bone, "Osie still loves you even if you are skeleton."


	10. Returning Home With Open Arms

**Chapter Nine (Alternative Title: Returning Home With Open Arms):**

I walked into the house to notice a few differences. Things in the living room was moved around, the kitchen looked dirty but had less stuff in it, and a lot of the cluttered up knick-knacks were off the walls and shelves. The most prominent change was the fact that Nannie wasn't sitting on the couch; wasting away and complaining about everything. The table that she had used to put everything she used often was cleaned off; the house phone was unhooked and gone too.

"Where's Nannie?" Chris adjusted the thermostat and shook his head at my question.

"She died a few months ago," I winced at the news and sat a hand on his back to try and comfort him some. I instantly mourned not being there for him, "I'm okay. You know how she was."

"Still. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you."

We were standing in the hall and when I noticed his back shaking like he was crying; I gently slipped my arms around his waist. He was always ten or twelve degrees hotter than me body temperature wise, now with my bones being naturally cold, he was pretty much an actual space heater now. I sighed and closed my eye sockets at the warmth.

"C'mon. I know you're probably tired if you walked all the way from Mount Ebott."

"Well, my leg bones are pretty exhausted…" The door to our room swung open and my sentence trailed off. My side of the bed was made the way I left it; it looked like he hadn't touched it in months. A wave of regret washed over me, Chris was taking my hand to guide me into bed, and I kicked off my shoes tiredly. He laid down beside me and I hesitated, "Would it be okay for me to hold you?"

"You don't have to ask." Chris' face twisted from a look of sorrow to a look of longing as he closed his arms around my back and I cuddled into his chest. I listened to his heart beat while my eye sockets closed; before I could drop off to sleep I heard his snores ring out softly.

There was something moving under the covers that stirred me from a deep sleep. It padded around the bed at the bottom and stopped around my feet. I grumbled when I felt a rough tongue lick one of my toe bones, hoping if I pushed it away gently with my foot it would leave me alone, except that was the complete opposite of what it did. It grabbed ahold of my toe with both claws and bit down from my nudge; apparently encouraged to be playful. I jolted up with a yowl and Demon, one of our inside cats, took off from the bed to hide in his cage. I could hear Chris burst out into laughter over in the computer chair. I couldn't even be angry at either of them for waking me up and I broke out into giggles.

"I just about punted the cat to the moon. Just because I am bones doesn't mean that shit doesn't hurt, you know?" He had doubled over laughing and I could see Demon peeking his head out of the cage watchfully to test the waters. I focused and surrounded the black and white cat with my magic to lift him up off the ground and place him gently in my lap; scratching the top of his head between his ears like I remembered Demon enjoyed. After a few sniffs and licks of my finger bones, he allowed me to continue petting him, and I stuck my tongue out at Chris to wink at him, "So… How'd she… You know?"

"How'd she die? In her sleep. She seemed to go pretty peacefully."

"That's good at least," I sat up and stretched as some of my bones seemed to pop and protest. I hadn't had time to change clothes before I laid down for a nap; so I opened the closet with mild interest only to find all of my clothes gone, "Uhhh? My clothes are gone?"

"Yeeeaaah about that… I didn't think you were coming back because you were dead." I sighed when he shot me an apologetic look and rubbed the top of my skull thoughtfully. My galaxy printed converses were still tucked away in the closet, so I opted to slide those on, and glanced at my bedside table. To my surprise my phone was still sitting there in its beautiful baby blue case and so was my electronic cigarette. I couldn't hide my excitement as I took a long puff; inhaling and then exhaling as Chris watched me with fascination. "Whoa. Come look at yourself when you do that."

I scooted over to the mirror, took a long puff and exhaled, watching as the smoke seeped out of my eye sockets and my nasal hole with interest. I focused as hard as I could on the next puff and covered my right eye to try and make a smoke ring; which caused Chris to laugh at my wobbly circle of smoking nicotine.

"So mind if we go clothes shopping since I kind of need clothes?" He nodded and reached for his keys when I stopped him, "Who said we had to drive?" His eyebrow raised since I seemed to puzzle him. I grabbed ahold of his hand—The warmth from it was overwhelming and I could feel his heartbeat— and smiled wide enough to show my fangs mischievously, "I got an idea. You trust me?" His head bobbed up and down in a slow nod, "Then close your eyes and whatever you do: DO NOT LET GO!"

I pictured the cool slick white stained tiles with clothing racks on each side of us; and focused on where it was all located down to the tiniest spec of dirt. I got every detail of the store down I could, afraid that if I got one thing wrong we might not get there okay, or we might end up in another state. I felt a familiar pull and held my breath even though I didn't need to breathe. The whole world was spinning and pushing us in different directions until suddenly it's not anymore. I saw the recognizable raised ceilings and the sound of someone being called over the intercom drowned out everything else for a moment.

"You can let go now and open your eyes." He looked extremely pale but his bright brown eyes fluttered open and stared in shock. I just grinned and began looking around racks for clothing of my taste. I had picked up a shirt and a pair of pants that looked decent; pairing it with a jacket and grabbing one more different shirt for variety. Someone was tugging on my shirt and when I turned to see who it was I was floored to see Frisk, {Hey! What are you doing here, silly?}

{Toriel is taking me clothes shopping!} The small brown haired child smile grew wide and pointed over to where her mother stood with the short comedic skeleton. I stopped smiling as I felt another tug and glanced back down as she signed, {Who's the tall guy beside you?}

I smiled at Chris and spoke as well as signed for the two of them, "Frisk, this is my husband Chris and Chris, this is the monster's ambassador and the miracle child who freed us all Frisk!"

{I am glad to meet you, Mister Chris.} I could feel a pulse of magic and wasn't surprised to see Sans standing behind Frisk. He gave a lazy wave before patting the child on the shoulder; motioning to join the two monsters. With a rather enthusiastic wave to both of us Frisk signed, {Bye!}

"Another skeleton? There's more than one skeleton?" I nodded and explained there were three of us total. Chris eyes widened and he rubbed the back of his neck before adding, "And where the hell did you learn sign language from?"

I turned around to make sure Sans was gone before I answered, "When I was still human, I lived with that short skeleton named Sans and his brother Papyrus, and everything was good for a while. I was getting along really well with the two of them but I was also hiding the fact that the only reason why I was down there in the first place was because I was trying to kill myself and how mentally unstable I was at the time." I took a deep breath and tightened my grip around the clothes I had picked out, "I had a breakdown episode that Sans and Papyrus both found out the truth. They took it pretty well, but that night Sans started having a night terror so bad he lashed out, and I got caught in the cross fire. While Papyrus was trying to stop him and wake him up, I got caught in a Blaster beam. I thought for sure I was going to die… But somehow I didn't. I woke up the next morning and realized I had gone deaf. Sans sent me away from him to protect me from him, so I headed over to Grillby's, asked him if he knew anyone that could teach me sign which he said he could teach me. The rest is history."

I looked up sheepishly at Chris and sure enough his fists were clenched angrily by his sides. I could see he was straining to see if he could see the small skeleton, cursing under his breath, with a frown plastered on his face. A wave of anxiety hit me as my right eye flared up making the whole world look purple on one side and I grabbed ahold of one of his hands. I could see his body relax some from my touch; and he huffed at me exasperatedly.

"So when are you going to tell me exactly what happened between fire dude and you?"

"I, uh," I grimaced and sighed aloud, "He… uh… He was apparently cheating on me with Sans the whole time underneath my nose. I didn't find out till I exited the barrier… And the only thought I had was that I was such an idiot for thinking I could trust anyone else besides you romantically."

I was fighting back tears now. 'I don't deserve how understanding he's been being.' I choked out a sob and flung my hands to my face as I felt his warm lips touch my cool skull. My eyes shot up to see his face in a mixture of sadness and rage; I could feel his hand rubbing my back (or better yet my spine since I was lacking a back) as I wiped at my face quickly. We stepped into line to pay for my items, the cashier was giving me dirty looks the entire time, and Chris seemed to be protectively standing in front of me while we finished the transaction. The stifling humidity hit me as we stepped outside. I held my hand out to Chris as we ported back to our house.

I had stepped into the room to change when I felt his warm rough hands run across the back of my ribs. My whole body tensed as my face heated up and I struggled to not let out a gasp of pleasure. 'Holy shit Chris doesn't realize how sensitive they are. Don't tackle him just yet. He's just curious.' I kept chanting to myself when I looked up Chris was staring at my new body with interest.

"I kind of thought your bones would feel… More rough than they do," He thrust a hand to grip my lumbar vertebrae and I almost lost it. He held an amused look on his face as he rubbed it up and down, "How do you eat with no stomach?"

I gasped out loud as his fingers glided across my ilium to moan out, "M-Magic," I felt a wave of magic overrun my body and thin purple tentacle-like strings of magic pushed and pinned him against our closet door as he cried out in surprise. I growled out possessively, "If you don't stop teasing me, Christopher, I am going to give you a bad time."

"That a promise?" The bastard was smirking at me and I slammed my hands through the closet doors; earning a satisfactory jump and look of shock from him. My answer was to slowly slide my dripping ecto-tongue over my fangs, I could feel his member twitch from the knee I had placed, and I watched him hungrily as he actually blushed—Something I hadn't seen in years since we had started dating.

I felt my eye burning and knew I had summoned two more ropes from my back; they begun to shape into different textured tongues and snaked up his shirt. He was squirming as I trailed each of them up and down his chest eagerly; I could hear his heartbeat quicken and it encouraged me further. He groaned out as one of my tentacles slid to his lower stomach to tease him, I slipped my face down low to his neck to nibble at his soft flesh, and I felt another rush of magic as I bit down almost piercing his flesh.

Picking him up with my magic; I slammed Chris onto the bed with enough force that the mattress springs groaned in protest. His clothes were discarded quickly enough as I straddled him dominantly. He pulled roughly on my sternum since his hands were freed from my grip for the moment; and I felt a growl grow in my chest and rumble out as I held his hands back once more, adding one to tug his hair back ferociously as I lapped at his neck with my tongue. His manhood bumped against the back of my sacrum excitedly. I kept teasing him as I basked in enjoying watching him pant and grunt, the flat of my tongue slithering around the base of his cock, my fingers were playful massaging his fleshy inner thighs.

There was a few twitches as I watched the pre-cum I had helped produce; earning a groan of desire explode from him as I licked it up.

"Aw, do you not like it when I tease you? Do you want me to touch you here?" I had a wide smug smirk as my tongue slid from the base to the tip of him. His head jerked back and I watched his head shake up and down to signal that he did want me to as I commanded, "I can't hear your head rattle. Say. It."

"I-I w-want you to tou-ch me th-there." I tutted at Chris and felt a tentacle wrap around his balls and gently squeeze every few seconds as I growled out that he had to beg for it. I could see his eyebrows furrow in anger, he was going to try and get up to dominate me, which quickly dissolved as I tightened my grip around the ball sack into grunts of pain. I demanded it once more and this time he sputtered out, "P-Please."

I stretched my tongue out (one of the perks of having magical body parts was the ability to change lengths and textures at will) to wrap around the girth of his penis and began to snugly squeeze while I worked it in a pumping motion. Chris hips were moving impatiently as I changed the texture to a more bumpy sensation, earning a loud moan from him of approval, and I could help but chuckle at the way his body was shaking. While I was working with my tongue I had kept the tentacles stimulating his lower body.

His body was twitching and heating up underneath me, something I hadn't ever noticed before, and I felt my own body heat as waves of magical energy ripped through me. I felt like I was losing control of myself as I heard a primal like moan escape my maw. I lifted my tongue from its hold, choosing to ignore his panting protests, and wrapped three thicker tentacles that had sprouted tightly around his cock as my tongue worked the tip of it.

"Ahh! Oh my f-fucking god, J-Joanie!" Chris back arched up and I let loose his hands; which he immediately clung to the bed sheets. I had been keeping the pace fairly slow but now I was stroking him with vivacity which was causing his breathing to accelerate and moans to slip passed his lips erratically. I was gauging his reaction to the new furious pace, his whole body was soaked in sweat, and his head had tilted back for a second as his soft tongue slid out when he cried out, "I… I'm g-gonna… I… I can't t-take it."

Chris' cock throbbed as he released a warm load of his juices into my mouth and onto my tongue. I slightly increased my tentacles grip for a second; then let go slowly as I sit up so he could watch me swallow his cum and grin at him mischievously. He laughed shakily as one of his hands wrapped around my arm to tug me into the crook of his arm. I noticed his legs were quivering, I let out a content sigh as we laid together for a short time, and I stood up to stretch and head to the shower. I could feel my tentacles slide back into where I had conjured them while I ran the warm bath water.

The upside to being composed of purely magic was I could control my body heat at any time without using fairly any magic at all; the down side being I was still getting used to how much magic I could expel at a time without getting sick from using it. I chalked it up to the newness of it all and set up a reminder on my phone to see about getting some training on how to control as well as use my newfound abilities. The water was enticingly hot, I felt my body sink lower into it as it covered passed my ribs, and I let out a slow groan as my bones seemed to shiver in response to the feeling. Reaching over the edge of the tub to grab my stylus; I turned on some music (I had missed music so much being deaf. It was the only thing that kept me sane sometimes) and let it play. I could make my eye lights disappear to roll in the back of my head, giving anyone who would see me the illusion that I had no eyes, but really they were at the back of my skull so I could see them only they could not see my eye lights anymore.

I double-checked the door nervously and focused on using my magic one more time. I knew I didn't have much left in me as it felt almost like a hollow feeling in my chest. I felt my eye fizzle out tiredly and grunted angrily as I gave up.

"I used up entirely too much magic on those damn tentacles. I don't even think I can muster up my tongue anymore." I opened my mandible wide and poked a boney finger into the void of pitch black to confirm my lack of tongue. I heard the sound of Chris slipping into the bathroom and flicked some water in his direction as my right eye fizzled back and forth from purple to white. I gasped out at the headache from its spasms and clutched my right eye, "Fuck. Do you think you can run and get me something?"

"What'd'ya need?" He called back to me as he finished up going to the bathroom.

"I need food with magic in it to restore some of my magic. I expelled waaaay too much magic with our little romp; and normal food won't cut it. I think I heard Muffet talking about setting up shop in town somewhere as I was leaving Mount Ebott."

"Can't you just teleport us there?"

"I'm too low on magic," I cried out and grabbed ahold of the edge of the tub. My vision on my right eye was a constant flux of purple now. I could feel the eye flickering on and off, unable to stop it willingly, and I felt like if this kept up my head was going to crack open. Coupled with the nausea I was feeling I knew if I didn't get some rest and some magic filled food soon I wasn't going to enjoy the magic sickness I was going to have, "P-Please?"

I saw him toss the trash can to the side of the tub and take off running to the room. I groaned as I positioned myself to hang out of the tub some so I had easy access to the trashcan should I need it. I faintly heard him beginning to say he was going to go now; right in the middle of his sentence I couldn't hold back any longer and a sticky purple goo substance filled the bottom of the trashcan. I coughed a few times, a sudden vertigo almost making me slip into the trashcan before I could steady myself, and closed my eye sockets tiredly leaning on the cool porcelain of the tub. I heard the front door shut and tried to laugh at how fast he had taken off after I began to throw up; but I only ended up coughing as more of the goo leaked from between my open maw.

I was shivering when I felt my vision fading. It was taking too much effort to keep my bones propped up and my eye sockets open.


	11. Fight Or Flight

**Chapter Ten (Alternative Title: Fight or Flight. Bonus Alternative Title: Adrenaline and Sensory Overload)**

 **A/N: Font typed like { _THIS HERE}_ is meant to imply Gaster is speaking in WingDings (since I can't seem to get them to work :/ sorry)**

I could hear a strangely loud male voice roughly panicking in my ears. My face scrunched up, whenever I moved it felt like my body weighed a thousand pounds, and I finally coaxed my eyes open to see Chris staring down at me worriedly. I picked myself up— I was in the bed? When did I get into the bed?— and noticed Chris was holding out an array of donuts and cupcakes in boxes. He opened his mouth to begin to say something but before he could I snatched up four donuts; I didn't even chew them as I swallowed and Chris eye's seemed to widen in amusement. I added a cupcake for extra measure and sat back on the bed with a long sigh. The empty feeling in my chest was already filling some thankfully.

"I was going to say that I had more in the fridge," His light snicker rang out lowly as he added, "You didn't tell me I was literally going to be talking to a gigantic female spider. Is she always so damn intimidating?"

"That's just Muffet. Did she point you in the right direction for more magic filled food?" I watched him nod as he sat the remaining donuts in the cupcake box and sat it onto my bedside table while he sat next to me on the bed. I felt my magic pool into my mouth as my tongue emerged and stretched it lazily to grab a donut as Chris watched me before he doubled over laughing. I chewed thoughtfully with my right eye open, "What? I'm lazy what'd'ya expect when I can stretch my tongue out?"

That seemed to only encourage his laughter as I grumbled a thank you. He was telling me he had to travel all the way to Mount Ebott, which was apparently why he had taken so long, and he updated me on the status of the monsters. They had begun building a properly sizable village and from what he had come to understand from one of the locals ("The dude was literally a dog with a blind eye seeing dog?" "OH! You met Doggo! I hope you told him hello for me and didn't sneak up on him.") That apparently the King and Queen along with Frisk had gotten support from the mayor to build a small settlement at the base of the mountain; even stating since the monsters seemed peaceful and they had lived there for so long it was theirs by rights.

"I wish I could have gone with you." I whined out just as the doorbell rang out. He sat up to go answer it, I shimmed off the bed and into my clothes, and got to the living room just in time as he had just answered the door. I stopped dead in my tracks as I noticed who was at the door and he seemed to trail off what he was saying as his eyes met mine. The tidal wave of anger caused my eye to light up and I felt my hand glowing purple as I slammed the door shut with a wave of magic so hard the entire living room shook.

"What the fuck, Joanie?!" Chris shouted out and moved over to me just as the door was blown off the hinges, "THE DOOR!"

The flame monster was standing in the doorway now, his flames were roaring to show his anger, and he stepped towards us both. I instinctively pushed Chris back as I slipped my tentacle like ropes out with a low growl.

"Grillby," I spat his name out and could hear Chris angrily shouting about how he needed to get the fuck out of the house before he called the cops. I could feel him trying to pull me back to protect me, I wrapped him up and sat him far away into the hall, and without missing a beat wrapped Grillby's hands to lift him off the ground as I snarled out "I don't allow cheaters into my home."

"Wait… THAT'S GRILLBY," Chris shouted out and I heard him stomping as he passed me. I wrapped him again and sat him back rougher this time onto his behind on the floor of the hallway, "I just want five minutes alone—"

"You wouldn't last a minute." Grillby's voice was low and I could feel him heating his wrists up to a boiling temperature. I was beginning to feel the tentacle scorching as I struggled to keep my hold. I barely dodged a string of his own fiery ropes as his faced softened for a moment, "I didn't want to hurt you, Joanie, and I hadn't ever been serious with anyone before. I didn't know if it was going to last. Sans and I aren't together."

"Oh. Well in that case; that makes everything better. Casual fucking's allowed." His face lit up happily as I sat him down on the ground but still held his hands in my grasp. I heard his voice gently call out, "Really?" I smiled genuinely for a moment, feeling it slip into a menacing grin, as I growled out, "No. Not really."

I lifted him again and arched my throw to slam him into the carpet successfully. His body thudding against the floor caused the whole house to shake. His body was heating up again to an unbearable temperature, I couldn't hold him still any longer, and the moment I freed him I got knocked in the shoulder with a long fire rope. My cry out turned into a roar as I felt my magic bubbling. I was steadily losing control of how much magic I was using, my fury seeming to fuel it further, and I made two long bones that I held in my hands to charge at the burning monster.

The bones were slicing through the air neatly as Grillby danced away from the attacks and I caught the living room chair with my bones as it sliced neatly in half; until I connected with his leg to sweep it out from under him. I slammed the bone down through the carpet and yelled in triumph. I hadn't expected him to fall into the momentum of his tumble and backflip out of harm's way. His fist caught the side of my mandible, sliding over to where Chris was standing as I grunted out, and gingerly rubbed my burnt jaw when I felt his ropes grab my neck bones to lift me in front of the overheated monster. I struggled as four more was wrapped around each of my limbs; between the heat and the gentle tug as he tried to tear me apart I screamed out. The last of my air was being pushed out of my throat, the room was beginning to spin, and just as I thought I was going to die I fell to the floor crudely.

There was a loud hissing noise and when I looked up Grillby was screeching out in pain. I looked over to Chris, who held an empty bucket in his hands, and then noticed how wet the floor was. He had doused him with a whole bucket of water! Grillby's flames were faltering for a moment while I coughed to regain my composure. I stood up with an effort just as he burst into a blue smoldering flame; a thick blast of flame pushing Chris roughly into the wall as he thudded onto the ground like a rag doll.

The rage that stewed as I watched his head flop to the side was horrendous, as magic filled my bones I felt like I was splitting apart, and I lifted my newly shaping maw to let out an ear piercing bellow. My body had shifted into a large hound skeleton form as I heard my bones pop to fit. My spine was elongating as sharp juts of bone stuck out of the top, I could see my ribs growing to curl, and I fell onto my hands as my arms and legs lifted my form higher. The right eye that always glowed purple was giving off a purple smoke-like flame as the last few bones of my long tail formed; I thrashed it against one side of the wall to the other while my claws dug into the carpet.

" **IF YOU KILLED HIM YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE.** " I howled out and lunged at my prey with my mouth agape and my fangs dripped with purple saliva. Grillby was stunned in place, only managing to narrowly escape, and I caught onto his pants leg with ease. My head flung to the opposite side to slide him closer to me and I roared into his face angrily as purple spittle dripped onto his face creating a loud sizzling noise. Determination seemed to fill me to the brim, I barely felt the fire rope weakly attempting to choke me around my neck or pick me up and throw me, and I stomped on the rope causing Grillby to cry out as it jerked him towards me more, " **I… WILL… KILL… YOU.** "

The purple aura lifted him off the ground to pin him on the wall so I could go check on Chris without worry of being hit. A small whimper escaped my body, taking my muzzle to his neck to check his pulse, which he thankfully still had and I licked the side of his face lovingly. 'He's still alive… Thank god… I don't think I could take it if he died.' I thought sadly as I turned back around to assess Grillby with a low rumble radiating from my chest.

I let him go with a thud as I stood protectively in front of Chris, " **LEAVE. I WILL NOT ASK YOU TWICE. IF I HAVE TO I WILL RIP OUT YOUR THROAT.** " I saw him nod quickly, taking off through the busted door frame and down the road, and I turned back to Chris to lay my head onto his lap sadly. It wasn't too long before I felt him stir from underneath me as I hopped up to lap at his face happily; my tail wagging against the wall without me being able to control it. His eyes fluttered open and I yipped loudly causing him to scream out once he laid eyes on me. I whined and backed up with my tail between my legs as I spoke tenderly, " **I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU. IT'S JOANIE. I WON'T HURT YOU. ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL?** "

"J-Joanie," He reached out to place a hand onto my snout and I whimpered pitifully as my purple eye watched him wearily. I allowed him to use my head as a prop to stand and once he was on his feet he said, "I don't think I need to. Where's Grillby? Did you…?"

" **NO. HE WILL NOT BOTHER US ANYMORE, BUT NO I DID NOT KILL HIM, ALTHOUGH I WAS TEMPTED.** " I bent down to lick Chris' face before adding, " **I NEED TO GO TO MOUNT EBOTT. WILL YOU BE SAFE HERE?** "

"I-I can go with you and—"

" **NO. YOU CANNOT. I MUST DO THIS ALONE. I HAVE NO IDEA IF I WILL LOSE CONTROL AND I WILL NOT PUT YOU IN DANGER. THAT IS FINAL. STAY HERE,** " Chris face pulled into a frown and I could see his lower lip pout. I thought he was going to protest further, but instead he pulled my nose down some to give a tight hug, and kissed the top of my maw affectionately, " **I LOVE YOU. I WILL BE BACK IN A FEW DAYS HOPEFULLY.** "

"I-I love you too." I turned around and began to run out into the approaching darkness. The feeling of my body teleporting was rougher when I was in this form and I ended up dumping myself onto the floor of the Hotlands in Mount Ebott. I hated the humidity of this place, it was stifling hot, and I could feel sweat pour down my body as I struggled to trot along in the heat. Noticing my pace was wavering and my vision seemed to be filled with black dots; I shook my head angrily to try and continue on. That action only caused me to fall over onto my side with a long wheeze. I thrashed a few more times to get up, but ultimately failed to get back onto my claws as I settled in to sleep where I was.

{ _ **"Joanie?**_

 _ **Joanie, can you stand?**_

 _ **W-what happened to you?"**_ }

I could remember certain things as I laid unconscious. Everything smelt like I was in a hospital room, there was a cracking feeling all over my body that shook me almost awake a few times from the agonizing pain it caused, and I was aware of something warm and wet sliding over my forehead a few times in between it all.

Trying to focus before I opened my eyes; I listened to what I could hear. There was the faint sound of someone scribbling something off to my right signifying that someone was in the room with me. 'No shit Sherlock Holmes,' I sarcastically thought, 'I'm on some kind of bed, there is a blanket on top of me, and if I can manage to move quietly I could check and see if I was still that huge hound thing.'

The blanket wasn't noisy thankfully. I felt my rib cage had gone back to my original body state; as I let out an inaudible sigh of relief that I wasn't stuck in the form. One eye socket slowly opened and peered out into the bright room to scan where I had heard the scribbling. A tall recognizable figure dressed in a long black coat was leaning over a desk in the corner of the room; he seemed to have his attention on his work.

"G-Gaster?" I winced at how sore my throat was and Gaster turned around in his chair with a flabbergasted gaze. I noted he looked considerably less… Sludge-like and I could actually make out that he was a skeleton monster now, "Y… You're l-looking… A whole lo-lot less… Drippy."

I could see the ends of his mouth tug into a smile as I coughed a few times. A cold hand was placed onto my head, something was hovering over my body as I resisted the urge to bat it away, and he seemed to speak to the floating sensor in another language entirely. It sounded like bells and dinging noises when Gaster spoke to me.

{ _ **How are you feeling?**_ }

"I… I can't understand y-you."

{Sorry,} He was signing now with a sad smile, {I forgot no one else speaks Wing Ding. I asked how you were feeling.}

"Oh," I sat up a little on the bed and rubbed the back of my skull absentmindedly, "I feel sore all over and I think my throat feels like I tried to eat beach sand; but other than that I think I'm fine."

Gaster passed me a glass of Spider Cider and a Spider Donut. I thanked him while I emptied the cider and ate the donut in one bite as he continued, {I would like to run a few tests to make sure you did not overexert yourself… If that is okay?}

"Sure. I trust you, Gaster." His cheeks turned a deep red color like he was blushing and I couldn't help but giggle at the sight. He led me into a separate open room that looked like it was made out of some strong looking metal. I fussed with the loose nightgown I had on for a moment before asking, "What now?"

{I want you to focus on burning your eye.} I could feel it sizzling to life and squeaked a little as my whole vision was flooded with a purple haze. Both of my eyes had lit up instead of my right eye. Gaster's reaction seemed to match mine as he scribbled something down in amazement, {Alright, that's enough of that. I am going to release some targets for you to attack. They will be floating at different speeds and will not attack you back. Are you ready?}

I gave him a strong thumbs up as I watched him stride quickly behind a reinforced unbreakable type glass wall and press a button on the wall. There was a buzzing noise, a group of circular flying bots shot out of an opened door, and surrounded me above and around like flies. Summoning a bone as long as me I took and swung it over my head in a circle; smashing into the closest bots and rendering them into dust. The bone dissolved into two in each of my hands, as I hopped into the air knocking the remaining slower ones down, and grabbed the last faster ones with my aura to slam into the ground satisfyingly. I heard another buzzer sounding out as Gaster stepped out from behind the glass and began writing down something furiously.

{Can you summon these?} I could see a goat skull that I had seen Sans wielding form beside him. The most notable differences was the horns on his were long and curving upwards, the fangs dipped well passed its mouth, and both of its eyes glowed a deep crimson as it mimicked Gaster's eyes. I explained that I had never done that before and asked him how to do it. He seemed to tap his chin bone thoughtfully for a moment as he signed, {Picture the Blasters forming in your head. Each component slotting together in its respective place. Pick a target and picture it completely obliterated. Then fire and it will do the rest.}

I aimed myself towards the other wall away from Gaster and closed my eye sockets as they lit up in a purple smoking flame. I looked inward to imagine the skull form, ignoring the shifting feeling I kept getting, and opened my eyes again. I picked a spot on the wall, willed its mouth open ('why was I feeling my mouth open?'), and fired a large purple beam at the spot for a long moment. Gaster seemed to be in shock and I heard myself let out a whine. I noticed I had shifted back into my hound form and felt my skull pull into a grimace.

" **I SEEM TO HAVE DONE THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO.** " Gaster's face broke out into a grin as his laughter boomed through the room and he bent over. I focused my magic inward like I had done to achieve this, the feeling of shifting wasn't even painful anymore, and I yelled out as I was bare-boned in front of him. Gaster stopped laughing and took off his lab coat to hand to me while his reddened face looked away, "Sorry Gast! I wasn't trying to do that. I don't think I have the Blasters, I think I just turn into that hound thing, and that's it as far as Blasters go."

I noticed the galaxy print inside the jacket and snugged into it happily as Gaster patted the top of my skull affectionately. We walked back into the hospital smelling room, he sat down to write some things, and I took a seat beside him to curiously watch him write. It must have been his native tongue because I couldn't read it at all; but I still watched him neatly print the symbols.

Gaster's skeleton form was taller than I was and much thinner, with tired looking dimly lit eyes, and the only traces left of his other form was the holes he had in each of his hands. He caught me staring at him, winking over at me as he stuck his black tongue out a little, and I felt my entire face flush as he signed, {Do I look that different?}

"Yeah," I stated as I hid my face underneath his lab coat and mumbled out, "So am I healthy doc?"

I heard him give a light chuckle as I lifted my head out from the coat, {You seem to be in impeccable condition.}

"Good. Are you planning on going to the Surface?" Gaster's smile fell and he looked down at his notes to avoid answering my question. I promptly put my hand over his to stop him from writing with a concerned look on my face, "Talk to me Gaster."

{I… I have a desire to see the Surface. I am just… Unsure.} He look at me sadly and let out a sigh. The chair squeaked as he sat up, motioning for me to join him, and we stepped out into the boiling Hotlands as I groaned in protest; earning a fairly faint smile from Gaster, {The only people who remember me are Alphys and my younger brother Sans…}

"Wait," I held up my hands and grimaced, "YOU'RE the brother he was talking about that died when he and Pap were younger?"

{I am. They call me their older brother, which I allowed them to do willingly, but that is a lie. I am not their older brother. I created them. I technically helped you shape your monster form too. Although, the two processes you each went through were vastly different, but the end result stays indifferent.}

"If you helped me form into this body; how did you get back to normal?" We had just passed the beginning of the Core, I was struggling to keep up with Gaster's pace, and I heard him making a grunting noise as he about tripped on his own feet.

{When you overloaded Chara's SOUL with your own SOUL, the anomaly began to collapse due to one of my inventions I had prepared to amend timeline paradoxes, and simply put: a SOUL from one of the first timelines cannot exist with a SOUL from this timeline; especially when that SOUL is a timeline anomaly within itself. A dangerous variable.} His hands still signed with fast precision, but his face looked lost in thought, and I watched both his hands and the ground as we walked to keep us on track, {Once the anomaly broke down and only their SOUL remained I had to work swiftly. The timing had to be meticulous and it had to be the second their SOUL was flickering out of existence. That was when I could slither my own form into it and take over with none of the anomaly left as well as the paradox engine not tearing me apart again through time and space.}

"Sounds like one hell of a complicated plan, G," We were standing in the room before the barrier now and I could tell he was nervous by the way his hands kept fidgeting. I patted him on the back and gave him a light smile, "Ready to see the Surface?"

Gaster nodded and together we stepped out into the sunny evening.


	12. People Change Memories Don't

**Chapter Eleven (Alternative Title: People Change. Memories Don't):**

I was watching my taller companion with interest as the clouds rolled by. Gaster was watching the sky with a fascination that a toddler would upon standing in the rain for the first time. His mouth was pulled into a grin, each of his eye sockets were wide and alert, and his hands were shading the sun away from his eyes (unsuccessfully since he had holes in them still). The entirety of it was making me smile as he turned to look at me with excitement.

"It looks pretty amazing, am I right?"

{I cannot believe how…} His hands faltered from signing as he seemed to be lost in thought for the word he was looking for. His eyes lit up and he began again, {I cannot believe how spacious the sky truly is. The smells, all these sounds I can hear, and the colors of the sky…}

I slipped my hands into his lab coat I was still wearing and chuckled at him. "You're going to love sunsets and sunrises then."

{Sunsets and sunrises?}

"Oh yeah," We started walking down the path to the village, "The colors of the sky change whenever the sun," I pointed at the big ball of light that was slowly receding into the tree line, "goes down for night time and up for morning time."

{Fascinating.} His eyes were glued to the sky for a moment as we walked and I kept an eye out in front of him since he wasn't. The colors were just starting to appear a bright pinks and oranges swiped across the heavens. I heard the dim echo of footsteps up ahead the trail; I slung my hand in front of Gaster and held my magic in my hand just in case we would get attacked. A figure was coming into view, as I shielded my eye sockets away from the sun, and took a few hesitant steps forward to see better.

"JOANIE!" Chris broke out into a run up the trail and I took off to meet him. I jumped up and into his arms with a squeal as he lifted me off the ground and spun us both in circles. Several kisses were planted on various parts of my face, as I finally was sat down onto my feet, and I hugged Chris waist to bury my face into his stomach happily, "I was so worried about you. I know you told me to stay here; but it's been five days and I was too anxious. I had to come make sure you were okay."

"I'm okay now," My words were muffled from his shirt and I could feel my eyes tearing up. I stopped myself and pulled away reluctantly. I motioned to Gaster who had stopped to stare at Chris wearily, "Gaster this is Chris. This is my husband. Chris this is Gaster. He has helped me more times than I care to admit… And he kind of created me in a way."

I watched Gaster stride over, taking Chris hand firmly, and the two of them seemed to size each other over silently.

{It's a pleasure to meet you.} 'Was it just me or did Gaster's expression seem to fall a little?'

"OH! He said it's a pleasure to meet you, Chris," I laughed a little as we began walking again, "I forgot I gotta translate you Gasty. Chris doesn't know sign language."

{Ah. That is acceptable,} He nodded towards me with a small smile and looked off at the forests surrounding the mountain with interest, {There are so many kind of tree's…}

Laughing lightly at his comment and nodding; I pointed out some that I knew like birch trees and dogwoods off in the distance even pointing out a few different kind of birds I knew of. We walked in silence for a long moment before I broke it.

"Gasty… Do you have anywhere to stay?"

{I… Do not.} His head shook as his gaze focused on the gravel beneath us. My heart broke a little, looking over at Chris sadly, and he shrugged his shoulders indifferently.

"Would you… Want to stay with Chris and me until you can get yourself a place?" His head snapped over to me and then over to Chris with an unsure look on his face. I glanced over to see Chris seemed to be okay with it (or at least he wasn't expressing how he felt one way or the other). I took Gaster's hand gently and gave him an encouraging pat on it, "You've saved my life, what, twice now? Gaster, please, I insist on you staying with us until you get a place!"

{I… You are too kind, my child.} His eyes were watering as his hand touched the top of my hand that had grabbed his before continuing this time speaking to Chris, {could you ask Chris if he is okay with it for me?}

"Gaster wants to know if it's okay with you if he stays with us."

"I don't mind," Chris was addressing Gaster now with a smile and I jumped around excitedly, "I appreciate you looking out for her when I wasn't around. It means a lot to me that you helped her, so in my honest opinion, you are always more than welcome in our home."

{Thank you both for your hospitality. I shall do my absolute best to be an agreeable houseguest.}

"He said thank you for our hospitality and that he was gonna do his best to be a good roomie." I grinned up at Chris and Gaster; taking both of their hands, "Now why don't we take a short cut? I'm getting tuckered out with all this walking."

I closed my eyes just as they began to burn a startling purple and focused on the screened in porch of our home. The shifting feeling arose as I felt as if I was being flipped from lack of gravity and then it left just as quick as it came. I felt my eyelids stretch open as I let them both go. Gaster face was filled with curiosity as he wandered over to where Osie sat in her chair. I was surprised when she stayed still, as he bent down to gently extend his hand slowly, and Osie sniffed his digit before she allowed him to pet her head.

"Well I be damned! Osie normally never lets anyone knew pet her that soon."

{What is this creature?} Chris and I both watched in amazement as she allowed him to pet her and even licked his hand lovingly.

"That's a cat."

{What is a cats purpose supposed to serve?} His head was tilting in thought and I couldn't help snickering at the sight of the entire scene.

"They are domesticated animals that you feed and water and they give you love and affection in return… And sometimes they kill the rodents and insects that try and make a home in your house."

He patted Osie one last time and made an 'hmm' noise deep in his throat as if he was thinking about that. I took his hand and led him to the now fixed door. The living room seemed to be fixed mostly from Grillby and I's fight, the chair I had destroyed completely was gone, and I could see the only thing really noticeable being the wood paneling in the living room was still in need of repair. I motioned for Gaster to follow me and pointed him to one of the bigger back rooms beside ours; opening the door to grab the covers off the bed and stick in the wash.

"This one's yours. Move furniture around, turn it into a different room entirely, or leave it as is. It doesn't matter to us; but these sheets are going to need to be washed before you sleep in them. I have no idea when the last time they were used or washed was."

I watched him nod and settle in the room. Chris was wandering around the kitchen when I came back in to the main rooms. I stopped by the fridge, pulling out a couple of donuts, and sit them down while I headed back to the back of the house. My phone was still on the bedside table thankfully; so I snatched that up and poked my head in Gaster's room. I could see he was looking at all the old knick-knacks of Nannies she had kept in the room curiously. I watched him pick up a cat statue, turn it over in his hands, and then place it back down while he spoke in his native tongue to himself.

It took him a few days to settle into the room we both gave him; but once he got used to living with us I could tell he wasn't as nervous. There was a lot of sightseeing the three of us did, as well as making trips to see Sans and Papyrus in the monster village (which I sucked up and did because I knew it meant a lot to Gaster), and as I was teaching him about life aboveground he was also teaching me things about being a monster. I had learned a good bit from books at Grillby's but nothing truly compared to having a teacher. He had also started teaching me Wing Ding; which I was learning fairly quickly. I found writing it was easier than speaking it though.

The two of us were sitting at the kitchen table, as he was giving me a lesson in what to expect now that I was a skeleton, and Chris was watching some cop show on TV.

" _ **The answer is not magic. We process food much like any other monster. I want you to eat that.**_ " I ate the Spider Donut obediently and he began the lecture again, " _ **Now, it is travelling to where your body stores magic and refills it. Observe.**_ " His hand slid my shirt up some and stuck his hand between my ribs. I cried out in surprise some, causing Chris to look over to us both, and watched as Gaster pulled out what looked like purple glittery sand from thin air. " _ **This is what your body stores it as. This is magic in its purist form.**_ "

" _ **Whoa. It looks like sand…**_ " I poked some of it and it seemed to stick onto my finger joint. Gaster held it up to me as if to ask me if I wanted to eat it, " _ **I… uh… I think I'm good Gasty. You just enjoy that… uh magic looking sand.**_ "

Gaster let out a low chuckle and licked his hand clean. He sat back up and pulled out a diagram explaining the more intricate details of the magic storing process, along with some details about running low on magic, as well as how having too much can affect your body. At times I would stop to ask a question or two but mostly I sat in silence respectfully to allow him to finish his train of thoughts.

" _ **Now the last thing on the list: Going into heat,**_ " His face reddened as he said it and looked away. 'Did… did he just say going into heat?' I opened my mouth to ask, thought better of it, and shut it to listen to him explain, " _ **The only variance between skeletons and other monsters is our heat. Every skeleton goes into heat once a month… where you will have an intense need to procreate.**_ "

"So, wait a minute," I shook my head and put my hands on my eye sockets in embarrassment, "Are you seriously tellin' me I basically have the same sexual needs as a fuckin' dog?"

" _ **I…um…**_ "

"Gaster… How long does it last?"

" _ **It can last anywhere from three days up to five and in some cases a week. It's all up to your body; but once you learn how long by going into heat it continues to stay that many days.**_ "

"You've got to be fuckin' kiddin' me… So I haven't went into heat yet… Which means I should soon."

"'Gone into heat?'" Chris was staring at me like I had an extra head from where he was sitting on the couch. I made a shushing noise over to him as I listened to Gaster continue.

" _ **More than likely; yes. You will want to be secluded away when it hits. You will lose control, the desires are too strong, as it takes mountains of self-control to not act on those desires during the heat. I have heard of having partners during it relieves some of the stress of it.**_ "

Gaster sat up and poured himself a cup of coffee as I sighed; taking my head and flopping it onto the table top tiredly. 'Just great…' I whined out in my head loudly as I heard Chris move from his place on the couch.

"Okay what's going on? You know I can't understand Gaster, so this conversations kind of one sided right now, and the only thing I heard was going into heat?"

"Apparently skeletons go into heat…" He was still giving me a raised eyebrow in question as I shouted out, "Like sexual frustration heat, god damn it!" Causing Gaster to spit out his coffee at the table. We both looked at him for a moment, his entire skull was a deep shade of red, and he reached over for the napkins to wipe the mess he had made up at my outburst. I asked him if he was okay to which I got a dismissive wave while he hid his face with the napkins for a moment.

"You haven't yet though." Chris stated worriedly as I nodded at him.

"Exactly," I got up from the table and thumped Gaster's back gently, "Well, on that note, I am going to go seclude myself in my room just in case. I've got a couple of days before it's a month officially I've been a skeleton; I would rather not go into heat sitting at the fuckin' dinner table. How awkward would _that_ be?"

" _ **Ah, I see. I will attend to my work for a time. I also have a few days before mine as well.**_ "

The day flew by as I had begun to read a new story; Chris stayed with me and even took the whole weekend off to spend it with me. I tried to convince him not to, since I knew how boring staying in this one room would be, but he insisted he wanted to make sure I would be okay. I had just finished a chapter when I felt my whole body heating up. It wasn't a fast wave of heat, it fell over my entirety with precision, and I found the ability to think impossible over the stinging feeling in my body. My magic was going haywire as well; both of my eyes lit up to stain my vision in the lavender color. I was beginning to shake and I felt my mouth open to let a gasp escape between my teeth roughly.

The covers were only speeding up the heat so I discarded them off to the side with a low growl in my chest. My whole body was sweating visibly, placing a hand on my chest to steady my breathing, and I took one hand to grab onto the bed covers as if I was going to lift up and float away. The pulsing of my magic was growing and I growled much louder this time; expelling out a few tentacles from my back. I began to pant as they seemed to have a mind of their own and traced my ribs softly. I heard something beside me shift, as I glanced over I could see in the glow my eyes were casting Chris head lift sleepily, and I felt a low hum in my chest as I sprouted out three more tentacles to grab onto him with.

"Hey! What the fuck, Joanie, I was—"

"Shut up," I wrapped my tentacle around his neck and squeezed for a moment as he wheezed out. I placed him on top of me and loosened my grip to allow him to talk as I snarled out, "I can't fuckin' think. I need to release."

He seemed to understand now, taking his fingers to touch my sternum, and I moaned out loudly in approval when he began to use his tongue to run along my ribs. I tightened my grip around his neck to force his head downwards and he huffed air out impatiently.

"You don't have to treat me like a dog—"

"Please," I cried out and twitched underneath him, "Please just shut up and fuck me already."

The heat lasted for three days. I could tell Chris was getting tired of it on the second day, it took every ounce of my willpower to allow him to leave, and when he did I didn't see him again until the last day. I laid on the bed fully drenched in a layer of sweat and groaned at how sore I was. The pajamas I had discarded days ago were still on the floor so I put them back on; peeking my head out of the door to the hall. Gaster's door was closed, the only sound in the house was the TV in the living room, and I stepped in the shower to wash off.

I got out of the bathroom as Chris was going down the hall. He patted my head with a few donuts and two glasses of cider in his hands. I took one of them and a donut, as I watched him crack open the door to Gaster's room, and dropped them both as I quickly ran to grab him and stop him from doing what he was going to do.

"Wait!" But it was too late. I watched as a pitch black tentacle wrapped around his waist and pulled him into the room. I ran in to see Gaster with his white button up shirt open, his pants hadn't even been discarded, and a long ecto-penis was sitting fully erect with multiple tentacles working it at once. I stood there for a moment completely stunned before I spoke up quietly, " _ **Gaster. I need you to let Chris go… Please.**_ "

" _ **My creation,**_ " A smooth black rope wrapped around me several times and lifted me off the ground as he assessed me; both of his eye lights were a stunning crimson that seemed to peer into my soul, " _ **Why should I obey you when I made you?**_ "

" _ **Please Gaster, think clearly for a second, and release us both. He didn't mean to walk in on you in heat.**_ " I could see him struggle to think as his grip tightened on me and I felt my breath come out of my body as a wheeze. The pressure was maddening and I thought my rib bones were going to snap under the squeeze as I panted out, " _ **Pl-Please…G-G-Gast-er. I-I ca-can't... B-b-breathe.**_ "

" _ **I…I…I…**_ " His tentacles released us both and I could see Chris bolt to the door as he called out for me to leave the room; but my feet were planted on the floor as I watched Gaster writhe in pain. His eyes locked onto mine as he bellowed out, " _ **LEAVE BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND.**_ "

That was enough to wake me from my stare as I took off out of his room; shutting the door tightly behind me. Chris was bent over with his hands on his knees, I listened to the sounds of Gaster's cries of agony through the door with an occasional roar of anger, and I sat down from the guilt and sadness that washed over me.

"He has to go."

"Excuse me," I glared up at Chris with a look that could kill as I stood back up to poke a boney finger in his face, "He's not going anywhere."

"He can't stay here anymore. Do you not realize how close we both were to being molested?" His expression was full of anger and I felt both of my eyes light up from the pure rage I was feeling. Chris wasn't backing down, his stance changed like it did when we argued, and I could feel a growl erupting from my chest before I could stop myself.

"Do _YOU_ not realize how much will power that took for him to _NOT_ molest us? He's in _**heat**_. It's not his fault our bodies work that way!"

"I. DO. NOT. CARE." He hollered out his words now, poking a finger in the direction of Gaster's room, and then said, "It's dangerous and he is going to find somewhere else to go."

"No. He's not," I shot back as I stepped down the hall and added, "And that's final."

"How can you be so calm? I don't understand this at all." I could hear his footsteps echoing down the hall as he followed me. I slammed open the fridge to grab a donut and popped it into my mouth as he continued, "I don't care if he saved a million people's lives. I have been as understanding as I can be through this, I have tried to be as supportive as I could, but I am NOT living in a house with someone that just attempted to molest me because I was trying to bring him food to eat."

I yelled out and pinned him against the wooden wall of the living room before I even registered I was doing it. I took a few deep breaths, sat Chris back down on his feet, and looked at him with so much disgust I made him take a few steps back in fear.

"That man saved _my_ life _twice_. I don't care if you don't care who he saved; but just because you don't care doesn't mean I don't. Unlike you, I happen to appreciate the fact that I am still living, and I plan on keeping it that way. I will _not_ let you just kick Gaster out. He could have taken me right then and I wouldn't be kicking him out Christopher. The heat isn't something we can control and when idiots open the door in the middle of it; they are asking to get _molested_." I spat out the last word and tried to calm myself down. I knew if I didn't I was going to explode; and I hadn't recovered enough magic to even think about that. Chris was silently glaring at me, his brown eyes misted over, and he pushed my shoulder gently away from him as he headed off into the hall.

"He is leaving because this house is in my name and I say so." His voice was wavering and I stood in shock for a moment. I hadn't thought he was going to pull that card out on me. I felt tears trail down my face silently as I shook my head.

"If he goes then I go."

Chris faced away from me and I remained motionless staring at his back to watch his breathing. I could see his shoulders shake like they did when he was crying, no noise from either of us as we soundlessly cried, and when he spoke I could hear his sorrow, "Then so be it."

The door to our room closed as I fell to my knees softly onto the carpet and held my head into my hands. I let my tears flow freely now, taking one of the blankets from the chair, as I strained myself onto the couch to curl up into a ball. I closed my eye sockets as I sobbed out; trying to come into terms with what was said.

I laid on the couch crying for what seemed like too long, the clock flashed showing it was mid-afternoon the last time I bothered to check it, and I felt myself shiver as I wrapped the blanket around my body. All I wanted to do was sleep as a deep wave of depression washed over me. Burying my head under the throw pillow as I hoped to hide myself into the couch; I felt sleep take me quietly to my dreams.


	13. Misery Loves Company

**Chapter Twelve (Alternative Title: Misery Loves Company):**

 **A/N: Wing Ding is in "** _ **THIS TEXT"**_ **from now on. Apparently, whenever I submitted last chapter the underlining didn't go through for it, so I apologize for that. I'll edit that chapter once this one is loaded up but from now on Wing Ding will be without underlining. Sorry for the confusion. Also this chapter isn't going to have a whole bunch in it for now. I promise next chapter will make up for it! Sorry**

 _There was water everywhere. I didn't remember being submerged into it; and struggled uselessly against the liquid. My mouth opened to let out a cry and it filled with the salty ocean water. I coughed, fighting to push myself upwards, and felt a pressure filling my skull like it was going to burst. How far down was I? Everything was silent except for the sloshing of sea that I was creating with my continuous resisting. It was almost too dark to see, there weren't any fish around or any signs of life besides me, and I could feel my chest begin to tighten as the panic set in. The fact that I had barely any air left was forgotten as I screamed out into the pitch black water; practically inhaling salt sea water which stung the back of my throat._

' _Oh god… I don't want to die like this… Please don't let me die like this.'_

 _I focused on flaring up my magic to try and teleport myself, but was only rewarded with flickering lavender lights before it dissipated the empty feeling resounding in my chest as if to silently remind me I was out of magic._

' _SON OF A BITCH! COME ON!'_

 _Throwing my hands up to my sides, I pushed my body to the limit to access any magic I had left, and I was rewarded by the feeling of being teleported upwards. The sky was too bright when I finally got to the surface, I was a few feet above the water which I hit the surface of once my magic ran out, and I began to search to see if I could find land. Once I had swiveled all the way around to access that there wasn't any land; anxiety was settling in yet again. The water was rather calm as I pointed myself in a direction to swim._

 _I could feel how tired I was all the way deep into my bones, my head would disappear underneath the water at times, and I was battling to stay awake as I swam towards where the sun was setting. I kept thinking about how odd it was I hadn't seen a single animal on a clear day like this; my mind wandering off while I started to doze off again. I jolted awake as a wave crashed over me and I sucked in more salt water in surprise. My mind was trying to make sense of why I was in the ocean as I started to swim again._

 _The heat was unbearable on my skull. I was sure it was frying whatever thoughts I was trying to have. I dipped my head under the water to try and cool off for a moment; but even that didn't help and only made it that much harder to come back up to the surface. I had to take a break because my arm bones were on fire. I made myself float on my back for a moment, closing my eye sockets against the glare of the last rays of light, and slipped into a deep sleep._

 _There was water everywhere. I didn't remember being submerged into it; and struggled uselessly against the liquid._

"Joanie?"

 _Someone was calling my name?_

"HELP!" _My voice was muffled and the second I opened it to scream; salt water assaulted my throat and made me cough roughly. There was no one here, it was so dark I couldn't see anywhere, and I thrashed around to grasp onto anything._

 _I went completely ridged when something brushed against my hand. It happened so quickly, but I saw it play out so slowly, and watched in horror as a sharks back fin brushed against me._

' _Just… Stay still.' It was turning around to circle me and I felt my whole body stiffen more. I was fighting the urge to let the terror take over; right up until it began speeding towards me with its mouth agape._

"NO NO NO NO NO!"

"JOANIE," I felt a hand slamming across my face and grunted audibly as I opened my eye sockets. Chris was standing over me with a horrifying expression painted onto his face, the blanket I had wrapped around myself was curled up around me everywhere, and I had fallen onto the floor at some point in my dream. When Chris spoke again it was much softer, "Are you okay? Sorry I had to hit you… but I don't think you would have woke up if I didn't… You normally wake up when I call you…"

"Yeah, I'm fine, thank you." I muttered out before I glanced at the clock passed him. It read 2:03 am and I let out a deep shaky sigh. I sat up to fight with the covers for a moment to put them back onto the couch, sitting down gently even though I felt like I could run a marathon from the adrenaline, and placed my head in my hands to hide my face while I struggled to calm myself.

The only light in the room once my hands fell back down was the lavender glow my eye lights were giving off to express my anxiety and the blinking blue neon of the clock on the opposite table of the room. I felt Chris pull me into a hug, but I didn't hug him back, and instead my body tensed up as I remembered what had been said earlier.

"I'm fine," I lied and pushed away from the embrace to distance myself from him. I barely saw his face twist with sadness and I fought the urge to give in and cry to him, "How long have I been asleep?"

"The whole day. I tried to wake you up to eat but you just picked me up with one of your ropes and sat me down farther away each time I bothered you." He sounded irritated and looked away from where I was sitting over to the kitchen. The air was filled with awkward silence, my fingers fidgeted nervously not wanting to be the first one to talk, and from the hall I could hear the faint sound of light footsteps. My head shot up to see Gaster walking towards the kitchen; not expecting either of us to be up or on the couch at this hour.

" _ **What are you two doing up and about at this hour?**_ " Gaster's head tilted to the side curiously like he had a tendency to do when he was lost in thought. I could hear the rasp in his voice, he wouldn't look at either of us, and I knew he was feeling slightly guilty about the other day.

" _ **I had a nightmare s'all. Don't mind us Gasty.**_ "

" _ **Have you recovered okay? Do you need assistance?**_ " His expression pulled into a troubled one as his eye lights glowed red; expressing his anxiousness as he tried to comfort me. I shook my head gently and forced myself to pull my mouth into somewhat of a pitiful smile.

" _ **I'm fine, Gast. I promise. Just need a minute to relax some.**_ "

" _ **As you wish."**_ Gaster strolled into the kitchen and I watched him pour a glass of coffee with dull interest. I could see Chris from the corner of my eye tense up the longer Gaster stayed around him; and I felt my eye lights roll obnoxiously as I settled into the couch. Minutes ticked by before Gaster was finally finished, his stride faltered beside the couch again, and when he spoke it was a hushed tone towards us both but only I could understand him, " _ **Rest well you two.**_ "

"Night Gaster." I waved at him a little and watched a small smile play onto his features as he turned to head back down the hall. I listened for his door to click shut and when I heard it close I opened my mouth to speak in a whisper, "Are you still sticking to what you said?"

Chris expression changed almost to a grimace and I watched his movements carefully. His brown eyes were filled with as much regret as Gaster's had been, we both sat beside each other in the darkness of the living room, and I could see him tug between answers in his facial expressions since my eyesight was better than most humans in the dark. The fact that he was starting to avoid my gaze made me huff out an impatient noise from the back of my throat; which caused him to jump a bit in the dark to my amusement.

"I…I don't know what I want you two to do to be honest."

"That's not really helpful." I stated with annoyance as I pulled the comforter around my body to shift to go back to sleep. My vision was still stained purple from the stress of the nightmare and the anxiety of the situation Chris had put me in.

"I know," He sounded so tired and it broke my heart; taking all of my self-control to not throw my arms around him and just tell him it didn't matter. The situation still wasn't resolved and if I didn't allow it to be it never would, "I still don't know if I am comfortable with him staying here… I really don't like the fact that of the two of us, when given an ultimatum, you chose him over me."

"I didn't _CHOSE_ anything!" I had forgotten to be quiet and was reminded by Chris making shushing gestures at me. I ignored him fully and continued, "I refuse to let you just throw him out into the streets! You say you don't want him staying under _your_ roof since he's dangerous, well guess what? _So am I_. I am more dangerous than he is, because I'm still learning control, and I have only learned a fraction of what he knows!"

Chris was shaking his head like he couldn't believe I was dangerous. I fought my anger down, telling myself I could show him just how dangerous I could be, but I stamped it down and the crackling fire my eyes had begun to produce settled down with the anger gone. Inhaling roughly through my open mouth; I frowned at him before I continued.

"You don't understand how hard it is for me to stay in control of my magic. I have no training in it what-so-ever. It's risky for us both, because the more I overuse my magic and make myself sick from it, the more strain I put onto my body until I start cracking apart. And then you know what happens?"

His eyes were wide and he looked genuinely scared; but it didn't stop me. I wasn't going to sugar coat the truth for him like he was a child. No one had for me, so why should I for him?

" **I die**. I turn into dust, SOUL breaking into tiny pieces, and then I'm **dead**." His shoulders were shaking as silent tears fell down his cheeks. I could tell he had heard enough, although I hadn't finished, but I ended it with, "I need someone who can teach me control. Gaster's been nothing but pleasant, even with what happened the other day, because he couldn't help that Chris and you need to get that through your head."

"I… I know." He sounded defeated as his eyes fell on me. I couldn't take it any longer, pulling him into a close embrace, and bumped my forehead against his affectionately. He took a few moments to answer again and when he did his speech quivered slightly, "I got really upset about it because I had just got you back."

"I know." I could hear the door open to Gaster's room in the back and we both sat still with our foreheads pressed together as the sound of the bathroom door closed. My eye lights had finally calmed some, I took my hand and ruffled Chris hair on the couch, and listened to the faint sound of his breathing and heartbeat through his forehead. Picking myself up off the couch to stride softly down the hallway and stop in front of the bathroom door; I could see the light was pooling up below the bottom and the soft sound of water could be heard running.

" _ **Hey Gaster,**_ " The water stopped and a faint noise could be heard, " _ **Whenever you get out of the bathroom, would you mind coming up to the living room, so Chris and I can talk with you for a moment?**_ "

" _ **I shall be there momentarily.**_ "

Chris was still sitting on the couch when I got back; I picked up the phone I had set on the table sometime in between the chaos of yesterday. The amount of calls and text I had were outrageous. I hadn't checked them before, at least ten of the calls were from my cousin, and a majority of the texts were from Trinny. I picked up the stylus to answer a few and let Trinny know I was okay. It was late, fairly sure she was asleep, but I knew if I didn't let her know I was alive and not dead she'd kill me.

Gaster sat down beside me on the couch and I could tell instantly he knew what we were going to talk about by the fact that his eye lights were glowing a bright red. Mine responded by glowing again ('God damn it. I had just got them to stop.') and I smiled over at him cautiously.

" _ **We need to talk about what happened—**_ "

" _ **I am aware I have made you both uncomfortable,**_ " His gaze dropped to his feet sadly. I took his hand tenderly, trying to show him I wasn't uncomfortable with him after the whole ordeal, and nodded for him to continue, " _ **I cannot control the actions or the things I say when I… am in heat. I comprehend it is possibly too late to say this to you both, but I apologize for distressing you both, and I understand if there are repercussions to my actions.**_ "

"There won't be." His head snapped to stare at me in surprise with his brows knitted in confusion. I shook my head and patted his hand, "Gaster, you don't understand that I know all of that, and I expressed that to Chris earlier after it happened. We've already discussed it. But maybe next time, we can put a sock or something on the door knob, as kind of a universal symbol to not open the door?"

Gaster's grin was wide as I glimpsed a thin black tentacle to wrap around us both into a warm hug. I heard Chris cry out in surprise, making me laugh loudly as I sat my head against his shoulder, and sighed out contently. I could hear his voice struggle as Gaster spoke in our native language, "T-T-Thank… Yo-u."

"Gaster… W-would you mind if I called you dad? I mean, I know you're my creator, but I like Dad better."

" _ **My child,**_ " His forehead bumped mine as he released us both from the embrace, " _ **I would be honored for you to label me with such a significant term. You may call me whatever you wish.**_ "


	14. Dark, Darker, Yet Darker

**Chapter Thirteen (Alternative Title: Dark, Darker, Yet Darker):**

 **A/N- There's going to be some Point Of View switches around in this one. I'm feeling extra creative today, but if it comes out bad or confusing let me know, and I'll stick to the same P.O.V. As always enjoy~**

-Chris P.O.V-

 _There were too many of them. I knew it wasn't normal, there shouldn't be this MANY of them, but I continued to walk on if not a tad faster than before due to that uneasy feeling this was bringing. I looked backwards quickly as I continued and if I wasn't mistaken the amount had doubled since I had walked passed. I broke out into a run; even if there was no escape from these bastards._

 _There were a pair of eyes in the distance in front of me as I halted roughly. It bobbed up and down while it trotted closer. This is it. I surveyed behind me where a whole pack of the same eyes stood behind me, pushing me towards the ever looming eyes in front, until they emerged from the shadows in their full form._

 _A single white boney claw was erected first, then its large dog like skull appeared with blood and guts hanging from its closed chops, and their entire body was in full view now cowering over me by feet. Its breath was bellowing into my face making me flinch as blood splattered from its mouth as it roared out. The fangs glistened in the light and clicked shut once the long roar ended._

" _P-Please…" I fell down to my knees as if the creature understood my action, "J-Joanie… Please… You don't have to do this."_

" _I beg to differ," A low raspy voice could be heard from beside the creature. Gaster took a step into a light, his bright red eyes burned like fire which Joanie's eyes matched, and his face had a maddening grin as his head twitched to the side in a mocking manner, "I created her for this purpose. I control her every action. You think you decide her decisions?"_

 _His laugh was cruel and low as I scooted farther backwards._

" _Go ahead. Command her to stop. It should be amusing."_

" _S-… Stop Joanie! S-Snap out of it! It's me! P-P-P…" My sentence trailed off when I glanced up at her eyes. They were contorted into an almost apologetic stare but they still glowed crimson red; as tears slowly slid down her jawline, "Jo-Joanie no…"_

" _I think you can survive without a few fingers, I could be wrong though, you humans are such fickle beings. Joanie why not find out for us, my child?" Gaster's maniacal laugh could be heard over the thundering footsteps from Joanie as she placed a clawed foot on top of my chest before I could stumble away. I watched in terror as she dipped her face down, tears steady streaming down her face now, and slid two of my left hand's finger into her mouth._

" _ **I AM SORRY. I CAN NOT STOP HIM FROM DOING THIS. I CAN NOT FIGHT HIM.**_ _" It was said so low I almost didn't hear it; but I didn't have time to respond over the snapping sound of my first and middle finger being broken clean off. I screamed out and thrashed underneath the tightening grip trying in vain to back away from them. The blood pooling up was making me nauseous and the whole world was spinning from the pain driving well into my arm._

" _So you do live through missing fingers! Oh, but what if we took of a foot? Now THAT is considerably more important is it not? Heheh. Joanie, if you would be so kind, my child."_

" _PLEASE NO MORE PLEASE!" I could barely finish as the crunching sound of my foot sent shock waves of pain through my body all the way into my brain. I couldn't think anymore over the white noise of pain. I was sure my vision was fading, the only sound was a crunching wet noise and Gasters laugh, as it was I barely could register how cold it was. The urge to vomit overcame it all and I couldn't stop myself any longer._

" _Aha! You humans and your useless body fluids! I think we have had more than enough fun with him; don't you my child? Should we place him out of his misery? I think we could manage one more limb before he faints, but then if he faints, he won't get to watch you tear him to pieces. What do you think, my child," A low whine was erupting above him from somewhere. When did it get so cold? It seemed my thoughts had become all too delirious from the pain. I looked up when blood began to drip onto my face, my dim brown eyes falling onto what I knew to be Joanie, and I smiled up at her tenderly. She was holding me with her claw; I wish she would stay with me a little longer but everything was fading in and out, "Oh? Well you always have to ruin the fun, my child. As you wish."_

" _ **I LOVE YOU. I AM SORRY.**_ _" I told her I loved her too, forever and always, as I watched in fascination as her jaws closed around my neck. There was a loud squishing sound and then nothing._

I practically threw my hands up in front of my face as I sat up fully erect in the bed; causing it to bounce some from the pure force. I heard someone scream out to my side, turning to face the noise only to see Joanie's bright purple eyes illuminating the room, and I screamed out and tumbled out of the bed away from her.

"What the fuck, Christopher?!" She screeched out angrily but I wasn't paying any attention to her right now there were more important things to be checking.

I stood up and glanced at my hand ('All ten fingers.'), then glanced down at both of my feet ('Still have them thank god.'), and lastly I felt all the way around my neck ('You can never be too sure.') and was satisfied when I didn't feel a single scratch. Joanie was obviously baffled at why I was checking myself and why I had launched myself off the bed; because she was strolling over to me with a concerned gaze.

"I…I…I'm okay. I had a… nightmare…" I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. She laid a hand on my chest as I fought the urge to pull away, her expression twisted from concerned to sorrowful at the news I gave her, and another hand pulled my neck down some so she could press her forehead against mine, "It was terrible…"

"Shhhh. C'mere," I was being ushered back into bed which I got in reluctantly. She laid my head against her rip cage, I could almost feel the warm pulse of magic flowing through her body, and I could feel her hum approvingly, "It's okay. I'm here. What do you want to do tomorrow since you still have a day off?"

"I was thinking road trip." I mumbled tiredly into her pajama shirt. I heard her hum loudly and glanced up at her eyes. The crackling noise they created whenever she was distressed was almost soothing; as I was wondering if that's the point she bent down to place her fanged teeth on my nose as a mock-kiss, "You are such a nerd."

"But! I'm _your_ nerd."

-Gaster P.O.V-

The humans had left me to my own devices; which I was satisfied with as I poured over my research as well as multiple books I had. They were all spread across the bed, with the multiple hands I had summoned that mimicked my own flipping the pages, and my thoughts lost on several subjects at once. The humans above ground had vast amounts of knowledge on all of the sciences; and even though I was a leading scientist in time continuum I wasn't versed in much else extensively. Gaster had been told at a young age that I had what they called, "Photogenic Memory," which was particularly useful for soaking in vast amounts of information at once (Although, I did tend to get quite the migraine afterwards, but some things were easier to suffer through when I knew the rewards were well earned).

I sat up straight for a moment as my old bones seemed to protest at the sudden movement. When was the last time I had checked on the human's pets? With a grunt, I lifted up off the bed where I was sitting at, and carefully stepped out into the hallway. I had tossed on a clean white button up shirt, my pants were formal dress pants I had bought from the humans market place freshly pressed, and my newer black dress shoes tapped along the carpet quietly as I stepped into the living room. The creature they called "cats" were laying together the two of the three.

" _ **What was your names again, little circles of purring fur?**_ " I cooed out nicely as the smaller white and black one stared at me with interest. I waited for a moment, knowing I wouldn't get an answer from the tiny thing, but stopping to caress its head for just a second. Its green orbs followed me to their cat food as I filled the cup up to the appropriate line to dump into their bowl; which they ran at contently to eat.

There was one more outside. This one was my favorite by far of the three. Osie was the only cat that would sit on my lap, humming contently while I read a book, and even occasionally I would talk to her. I knew she couldn't comprehend my thoughts but on the off chance that she could; I didn't want to be rude. She was quite the old cat; but it never stopped her from showing as much love as she could.

After her bowl was full, I sent one of my magic hands to gather a particular book that had captured my interest, and when it returned I took to the chair and soon after Osie followed into my lap. This particular book was on Neuroscience which I found extremely interesting to see the intricacies of how the human mind worked. I summoned two more hands and shoo'ed them off to get me a cup of coffee; sipping on the warm liquid gratefully as I read through a few chapters. My phone (something that Joanie had insisted I get) vibrated in my pocket as I checked my messages with a summoned hand. It was a picture of the two humans smiling; beside some kind of monument of historical importance. I felt my lips pull into a small smile as I sent them a message back telling them I was overjoyed they seemed to be having a wonderful time.

I had my face practically buried in the book when the sound of a car pulling into the driveway pried my eyes away from my studies with feigned captivation. The humans had not told me about anyone coming over, surely they would have if they had expected anyone, and I sat down my coffee as well as dissolving the extra hands in an attempt to be polite.

Two figures exited the car, one much taller than the other, but both of the humans seemed rather dismayed at my presence. The shorter one was glaring at me with her hands on her hips.

"Who in the hell are you and what are you doing here?" I was confident the look of outrage that sprouted into my facial expression had been seen by the two. I opened my mouth to answer, then remembered that the humans didn't speak my language, and I furrowed my brows in an attempt to remember some of the more common English words I had begun to learn. "Are you going to answer me or am I going to have to call the cops?"

"I… Live here… With Joanie… Other human." I winced at my horrible attempt at the human's weird foreign language. The smaller female human looked over at the taller one as she shook her head; her head seemed to be turning an alarming shade of red, "Are… You… Okay?"

"Joanie's dead and that's not funny, you bastard." The taller male human seemed genuinely upset at my words. I wondered for a moment if I had mixed up the proper words, as a thought came into my head slowly, and I winced again at the realization. I stood onto my feet with caution and worked my phone out of my pants pocket; pressing the speed dial button.

" _ **Hey Gasty! What's up,"**_ I placed the phone on speaker phone and grinned at her voice contently. The sound of Chris shouting hello to me could be heard briefly and she allowed him to speak before continuing, " _ **Are you enjoying yourself?**_ "

" _ **I am! Although, I seem to have a bit of a dilemma at the moment, if you could assist me?**_ " Her voice sounded concerned as she asked how she could help. I could tell the two humans outside the screen porch were growing more impatient by the moments so I kept it short, " _ **There are two humans here for you two. I am not very good at English still; so I think there might be some misunderstandings. Would you mind if I put you on with them?**_ "

"Who is visiting? What car is it? What do they look like?" I was bombarded with millions of questions at once as she spoke in English instead of my familiar language. I watched the smaller humans face contort into disbelief once Joanie was done speaking.

" _ **Not entirely sure. A powder blue color. There is a small female human with greying curly hair and a taller male built bigger with a hat on.**_ "

"Oh fuck. That's Chris' parents. Put them on," I informed her I had her on speaker phone and it was silent for a moment as she hissed out, " _ **God damn it Gaster! You should have told me that before I cursed.**_ "

The two parents slowly stepped into the screen room as if I would eat them alive if they ventured much closer. I fought to not let out a sigh, these antics already becoming more than tiring, and I handed them the phone to speak while keeping it on speakerphone.

"Karen and Tony," Joanie's voice wavered nervously and I felt myself frowning. Why was she nervous? Shouldn't she be happy to be talking to her husband's parents? Humans were so confusing, "I wish I could be there to properly introduce you to our house guest. His names Gaster and he doesn't speak English very well. I'm still teaching him. Gaster, if you can still hear me, this is Chris mother and father."

"We buried you…" The mother, Karen, looked extremely pale in the face. I noted the man was attempting to comfort her in vain as he was pushed away.

" _ **They do not know you are alive?**_ " I was glanced at briefly by the two as I heard Joanie grunt out, " _ **No and I was hoping to keep it that way; but if I don't tell them I am kind of afraid Tony might harm you.**_ "

I stood silently processing what she said. The only thing I could think to do was intimidation; which might not end well with the humans. I was consciously aware of my eye lights burning red in my momentary anxiety, closing my eye sockets before either could glimpse them, and willed the eye lights to appear back normal so not to disturb the guests.

"Yeaaaaaaaaah… About that…" Joanie was launching into an explanation now with the pair listening intensely at the tale. Chris intervened at times, mostly just sticking to the bare bones of the story, and I was flattered when she ended it with mentioning that I was an honorary house guest because I had saved her life twice. I couldn't stop a grin from forming on my face at the shock from the two, this whole entire story was a lot to take in for the two, "Oh, Gast, how're the cats? They giving you trouble?"

" _ **Never! Osie and I were reading up on Neurosciences. I have just fed them for lunch the amount you provided for me to.**_ " I bent to pat the old cat between the ears as I spoke softly. Chris could be heard in the background attempting to rush Joanie off the phone before their stop to get off was there; then you could hear Joanie shushing him which made me laugh a little.

"Har har chucklehead," Joanie shot out to me which in turn only made me laugh harder, "Anyways, I am being ushered off the phone, so I have to go guys. I know this is a lot to take in so Gaster; I'm leaving them in your more than capable hands! If you would be so kind as to explain the situation some if asked I would owe you big time. Call me if you need anything else! Love you, Gasty."

I could sense the two pair of human eyes rest on my face with surprised expressions. From how warm my face was becoming, I knew I was flustering up even though this was something the two of us said often platonically, somehow having it uttered in front of these people seemed to embarrass me greatly.

" _ **L-Love you too. You t-two have f-fun.**_ "

The stretch of stunned silence grew into an awkward one as I coughed and forced my feet to move forward to grab the phone from the two. I opened the back door and motioned as if to ask the two if they wished to come inside; but instead of coming in they seemed to keep stealing glances at each other as if silently conveying something.

"I… I think we will pass… G-Gaster?" The smaller woman sputtered out nervously and I tried to hide my happiness by putting on an extremely saddened look. The two glanced at the each again as they waved and I watched them shuffle to their vehicle again.

"G-G-Goodbye!" I cursed at how raspy I sounded yet again and tried to play a small sad smile on my lips. It apparently was effective as they backed out, summoning my extra hands to pick up my coffee, and place my book back into my lap while they sped off.

The lab hummed to life within seconds upon entering. I had noticed instantly after I became whole again that while I looked normal to most, save for the holes I still carried to remind me of my insanity, but not all was as normal as it played out to be. I was missing an important detail; and I had come to understand that Joanie was the key to that.

Whenever I had found her in the Core in her GasterHound form; I was stunned and found I had a hard time understanding what it was for a moment. I knew what the form was but it didn't ease any of the confusion until I noticed the purple pulsing haze burning behind her eye sockets. A thousand questions plagued my mind, the most prominent one being 'How did she get this ability,' but that was replaced rather fast with 'How did she get an ability that only I, a boss monster, could achieve and my other creations had not retained?'

I had struggled over the moral details of testing on her for a period of time or letting her go about her way. She had been more grateful than most for her second chance, in any other circumstances I would have suspected she would have been the most to put up an argument, or even harbor resentment for her continued existence since she battled with her own psychological demons. I had however taken a few magic samples while she was in the GasterHound attack form; as well as some bone dust samples since skeletons with minor wounds healed quickly when given food with magic.

The computer was printing out mountains of data for me to grasp at, the stack was at least eighty or more pages by now, and I drug it all back to my chair to pour over thoughtfully. There was astounding pattern in the magical analysis that I skimmed through; but stopped halfway through to compare our ATK, DEF, and HP. All of the numbers were the same. I jotted the information down in a fuss as I placed a side note that the only differences were our EXP and LV; due to the fact that I had indeed killed a few humans for souls a long time ago and she had not ever harmed anything.

Things weren't adding up and it was beginning to try my patience heavily; as I sat back in the chair with a huff. It was physically impossible for her to be a Boss Monster, especially the fact that creating a Boss Monster out of thin air required massive amounts of DETERMINATION I knew I did not possess as well as never being done before in all of monster history, but all of the evidence kept flashing those big bright two words in my mind. She had expressed her worry about control and that she needed me to train her; and at the time I had agreed without giving it much thought. It made sense that the reason she found she couldn't easily grasp hold of her powers and had trouble expelling more magic than necessary in a day was because of the fact that she was a Boss Monster. Coming-of-age young Boss Monsters reach puberty and find that their powers grow out of control if they aren't taught how to grasp their magic fully.

I could feel my eyes alight in a crimson glow at the unease this situation was giving me and it made me remember one other useful piece of information to jot down. My other two creations could not burn both of their eyes like mine, yet Joanie's eyes stayed lit up a majority of the time, and that had begun to support my Boss Monster theory more and more.

There needed to be tests; several of them and I needed to find out what repercussions this was going to have on her mind as well as her body. I knew I needed to tell her the truth, in time I decided I would but for now, until I knew more information going to her with nothing but speculation was ridiculous.

" _ **By Asgore… What have I done?**_ " I mused softly to myself as I closed my eye sockets. When was the last time I had slept in the past few days? My bones seemed to shake as a shiver ran through my body and I sighed aloud to myself, " _ **I suppose a few hours of rest would not do much harm.**_ "

Switching off the lights to the lab and grabbing my research notes; I ported back to my room in the human's home as I curled up in the bed once my shoes had been discarded. I found sleep quicker than I normally do and was snoring soundly in the quiet house.


	15. Ocean View Memories

**Chapter Fourteen (Alternative Title: Ocean View Memories):**

(A/N: Sorry for delaying updating for so long. My muse died off for this so I put it on the backburner for a bit. I wanted to update you guys a bit. This is still an ongoing story! I might have some changes made a little later on when I proof read it but that is much later I think. I also know many of you know who our mystery guest is at the end! I plan on mixing AU's a bit here. I hope you guys are still enjoying this. I never expected this to get so many kind reviews and such a following. Thank you all for your support!)

-Joanie's P.O.V-

Our day-cation was quickly coming to an end it seemed. Chris was absolutely exhausted from what I could tell; the hot Florida sun had sunburnt Chris and bleached my bones since we had not properly prepared for it. The last stop we had decided to go to was the beach. I had loved the beach growing up and since my family didn't do a bunch of traveling it was something I wasn't accustomed to seeing. After a quick trip to the store for some sunscreen (I insisted Chris put some on to stop him from ending up looking like a lobster) next stop: The beach!

The sun was just beginning to disappear over the watery horizon, the air was thick with the smell of salt, and most of the children had left with their parents hours ago. I felt myself relax as the course sand squished in between my toe bones. There were still a few people spaced out but it didn't bother either of us; and I pushed Chris playfully while I took off running to the shore.

"Hey no fair!" Chris shouted after me. I was almost to the shore now, with Chris picking up speed behind me, and I felt something pop around my patella area. Before I could register what was happening I tumbled forward face first into the sand, "Oh my god! Are you okay Joanie?"

"Yup," My voice was muffled as I sat up on my elbows to assess what had even happened. My knee joint had popped off due to how fast I was running and the sinking sand. I couldn't stop myself from laughing at the scene, "That was hilarious!"

"Hilarious?! I thought you were seriously hurt! That's not funny!" Chris huffed out at me to pout a bit and I popped my knee back into its rightful place with a smile plastered on my face. I had just popped it back into place when I noticed a few parents avoiding us by a mile. I sighed as my smile faded a bit, sitting down in the sand not far from the shore, and Chris sat down with me and closed his eyes for a bit. "Whenever I came back home that day you were gone I thought for sure I'd find you. I knew all of the places you'd go. I remember taking nannie with me and just hollering your name out; no matter who looked at me weirdly or avoided me like a madman."

I shifted my gaze down to the sand to avoid his eyes in shame. I knew it was hard speaking about this for him; although I wasn't too sure what he wanted me to say to him. A brief breeze blew through my bones gently and I felt both of my eyes alight in a lavender hue to express my anxiety.

"So many people told me to stop trying. That you were gone and I had to accept that. It took me months to actually begin to consider it though. I remember the hardest thing was learning how to live without you again because everything I did seemed to either remind me of you or it felt as if you'd have been right there behind me. I'd turn on the show we liked to watch together and automatically I'd turn to your side of the bed as I would do to ask you if you wanted to watch it with me… but you wouldn't be there… and I'd stop watching it."

"I still find it hard to wake up to you beside me after being told for so long I'd have to let you go," Chris propped his head on my shoulder and patted my hand, "Even if you are literally a skeleton. It's still you. Still the goofy, anxious, and nerdy person I fell in love with years ago."

My eyes watered and I placed a gentle kiss upon his forehead. He took my hand in his and held it up to his cheek to hold. My face was probably flushed at the tender act and I held him close for a moment before letting him go. He still held onto my hand as we watched the waves roll in slowly. In a swift motion I tugged him upwards to walk down the beach while the sound of the sand shifting underneath our feet and various people enjoying their stay at the beach could be heard around us. At the edge of the water a small cave seemed to be weathered by the salt water and the tide. A quick glance inside showed an empty rocky area; just as a clasp of thunder rose up to signal a coming thunderstorm.

"We should probably try and make it to the car before it starts to rain." I glanced up into the sky at the grey clouds above our head as I nodded in agreement.

As we left the cave opening in a hurry a small golden light could be seen from inside. A small skeleton emerged with a scroll looking scarf wrapped around his neck and a tall paintbrush in his hand. Poking his head out of the cave he watched as we both ran back to the car with the other visitors quickly packing up and leaving as well.


End file.
